Sigh. I knew he was going to forget too. I told H Monday evening that my department get together was Tuesday after work. I purposely told him when I had his full attention and he wasn't watching tv or surfing the internet. He said "Oh that sounds like fun. I'll just work late tomorrow then." Well I checked his clock out time online and he didn't work any later than usual. I sent him a text at 4:30 saying "I'm off for wine and apps. See you in a few hours". I wasn't going to send him a text but I figured I should just in case he wonders where I am when I'm not home by 5PM and knowing that he probably did forget. I didn't get a response from him until 6:23 when I was about 20 minutes from being home saying "LOL I totally forgot you had this. Have fun". So obviously he hadn't checked his phone until that time because when I got home he was just finishing up cooking our dinner for the evening when I told him I'd be eating out that night. It makes me wonder how much he really cares where I am when it doesn't hit him until over an hour after I should have been home where I might be!
H couldn't remember what I told him 24 hours prior!
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on 12/17/2014.
One of the things
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
Mapper,
This scenario is probably one of the most mystifying things I have struggled with in recent months. How do you get to enjoy the "couple" events that any spouse so looks forward to? How does their brain work? How does it get so mixed up? How much can we do as the spouse, to keep the twosome event on track? It is my role to be a helper/helpmate, not the Mother keeping him towing the line.
It is heartbreaking. I am filled with anxiety over my niece's wedding this Saturday. Will we get there on time? Will his clothes be ready? Does he even have clothes that will fit? Will he remember to get a haircut? Does he even care if he gets a haircut as much as I do?
And the reception - ack.
My spouse has always hated dancing. He is 6' 4" tall. He now weighs close to 300 pounds. He feels very much like every eye is on him - so thus dancing is no fun. Now, I really can accept that. If he just said, "I do not want to dance", I may be disappointed, but I would accept it - what has caused problems for me is his 'promise' that: 1. I will dance every slow dance with you. 2. I will dance the last dance with you. 3. Just let me know when you hear a dance you want to dance with me to. And then it doesn't happen. And then his anger gets thrown at me. It is crazy making.
I in all actuality I do not want to go to this wedding with him. I would rather go on my own. That is the place to where my reality has crumbled.
Liz
Maybe
Submitted by ds1977 on
Maybe he's jealous that have these kind of work functions to attend. Instead of nicely telling you to have fun,as he should,he chooses to ignore the fact that you are out having fun without him. Hope you have a Merry Christmas.
Oh no, he was being serious
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
Oh no, he was being serious when he said "have fun" because I have had the sarcastic "have fun" thrown at me before for these functions and it's not nice. It's the blaming "Oh fiiiiiiine. Go have good time without me, see if I care. I don't. I'll just be sitting here doing stuff on my own." This time he was super nice to me when I got home and there was no sarcasm whatsoever.
However, I usually make up an excuse anytime there' s a work function where significant others aren't invited because I don't want to deal with the possible sarcasm and nastiness he might unleash on me. I'm sorry I work in a really cool job with cool people and you hate your job and coworkers for the most part. I'm sorry you don't have any friends from work to hang out with, but why must you make me feel awful for wanting to spend one night every 3 or 4 months with them and not you? You tell me to go out and do things on my own with other people and when I do you you just get extremely sarcastic with me to the point of me wanting to cry. Then when you see how upset I am you tell me "I'm just joking with you. Geez, can't you take a joke? Go have fun!"
"I'm just joking with you.
Submitted by Dgirl on
"I'm just joking with you. Geez, can't you take a joke? Go have fun!"
Yes, this kind of communication has made me CRAZY in my head. Because I KNOW him...I know how he originally meant it. But he rewrites how he said it and makes me look stupid for reacting to the original statement. I've started insisting that I didn't hear things incorrectly...which of course never gets anywhere. So we end with me feeling invalidated and him being smug or acting like no strange communication just occurred here.
How do we address these kinds of interactions?
To the original poster--my DH
Submitted by dvance on
To the original poster--my DH never notices where I am or for how long either. And by the same token, he may call me at noon and say he will be home in an hour and then not actually walk through the door until 8pm. This happens with him so often that I no longer think twice about it. When and if he does call, I am polite, but I know damn well it means nothing. I make no plans based on anything time sensitive at all. I come and go as I please, with my two sons in mind of course. I absolutely take care of my kids, but beyond that-who cares. But--I will say--it's also sporadic. For a while he may be spot on with time and then when I get a little disoriented because of that, he acts hurt, like how can I possibly not believe he's going to do what he says? Um, because for the past, what 100 times, you did NOT do what you said you would do.