Submitted by Pazkez710 on 12/20/2014.
I have been married to the same man for 10 years, together 12. We have known he had undiagnosed ADHD a child and the last 2 years his symptoms have increased, but, even though I am an RN, I had no idea that they were symptoms of ADHD until today. I read an article and ALL his "issues" can be grouped under that "label" so to speak. Insomnia. Irritibility, Mood Swings, lack of trust, depression, anxiety (which I believe causes his stomach upset, feeling as if he has to have diarrhea, but nothing happens). I want him to go get help. He knows he needs it. He blames his feelings on me because he is a stay at home dad, by necessity, not by choice, and I work midnights. We have 2 boys, ages 6 and 4. He has about 15 projects he has started and not finished and thinks if I could be on a dayshift that this would alleviate his issues and he'd be able to "get things done". He does a great job taking care of the kids and tries to do the chores, but he is almost resentful and thinks I should be contributing to the housework more. I think that if he didn't let the stuff pile up in the first place, we wouldn't have an issue. He says he'll work on it, so do I and then it just goes back to the same. He constantly complains. MOOD is Usually worse in the morning. I tried to show him that treatment would help eliminate a lot of what ails him and he won't go unless insurance will pay for it. Currently have no insurance. I am at a loss and don't know what to do. I work at a busy GM assembly plant health services dept. I am an RN but if I go anywhere else, no dayshift jobs are available usually. I like working nights but have recently been diagnosed with clinical depression and placed on Zoloft. I think I have Work Shift Disorder and lack of Vitamin D (never see the sun), which Depression can be a symptom of. I also have anxiety and take Klonopin. This all started after children and I started having hormonal changes. I want to feel normal and when he expects all these things from me it makes me not want to do anything at all! I am working on me. I am researching other ways to increase Seratonin levels but it takes time and i only have been recently diagnosed (2 weeks). The difference is I am actively doing things to help me, and he is thinking once I am back to where i need to be, that he will be fine. I disagree. Anyway, if anyone can point me in the right direction or comment, share a story, Anything! I feel alone and desperate to keep our family intact.
You are not alone
Submitted by Marie448 on
It sounds like he is waiting until you solve all your own problems, so you can help him with his. I can see why you feel desperate with that kind of pressure. The list of issues he has also sounds to me like it is a list you can easily "see" but maybe these aren't issues he readily claims? It has been my experience (SO has ADHD) that two very common characteristics are not being very good at perceiving yourself in an accurate way (which makes it hard for people with ADHD to accept that there is something wrong and they need help), and the knee-jerk reaction to blame others when their is a problem. Those two things combines makes it hard for some people to even be motivated toward doing straightforward, relatively free things like research and trying to understand their problems. I don't know if I really have any specific advice, but you are not alone. Your husband will need to get to a point where you are - wanting to improve and seeking treatment - on his own. I don't know if there is any way to make someone do that, other than letting them know you will support them throughout the process.