H has evolved into being a constant whiner. It started a few years ago and has become worse. In fact, he's lost his golf partner because of the whining.
Now, H whines about the simplest inconveniences....what I call, "life's hiccups". A couple of days ago, we were in a parking lot looking for a space. We saw one up the aisle on the left and began to approach it. Another car came down the aisle from the opposite direction. The other car had no intention of taking that space, they were just coming down the aisle. H got annoyed that he had to stop (not make his left turn into the space) so that the other car could pass. We're talking about a 2 second delay!!!
H then insisted that this was an example of another "weird thing" that makes his life so miserable! Lol. OMG. He then began lecturing me about how I'm not empathetic to the "fact" (lol) that his days are filled with "weird things happening" that upset him. He kept insisting that other people don't have all these odd things happen. Uh,, yes they do....it's called life.
OverwhelmedWife... We all
Submitted by GiveMePatience on
OverwhelmedWife... We all hear you out here! I am so sorry that you feel so 'overwhelmed'... as SO MANY of us do here...
'FRUSTRATION' is a HUGE factor, as you know, in those who have ADHD... which, in turn, 'creates' a HUGE AMOUNT OF FRUSTRATION in us 'non's... If I may... and this may sound 'silly'... but my husband seemed to 'learn' something from a 'documentary' type of movie called, "The Secret". The basic premise is in regards to the 'laws of attraction'. As in... PERHAPS all of these "WEIRD THINGS'' keep "HAPPENING" to your husband, BECAUSE he keeps THINKING THAT THESE 'WEIRD THINGS' ARE GOING TO HAPPEN TO HIM!!!
I DO understand what you are saying here... that these ''weird things'' are just 'life things', just 'normal'... but they are NOT, in his mind... Perhaps this movie will help. I hope so!
GMP
Thank you! I will look into
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
Thank you! I will look into that!
Hi OWW
Submitted by c ur self on
I've found this constant victim stuff (whining, seeking constant attention, manipulation attempts) to be an inability to not make life about them...It's a driving force in how certain minds function....I don't know if it has anything to do w/ adhd, but it's definitely a constant....If others (usually the spouse catches the brunt of it, since we are around more) don't give in (patronize or pet them) to these victim episodes then they attack us because of our unconcern....
To me it goes hand in hand with other things about this type mind....So many will state their love language as affirmation. It seems to me to just be a constant need for acceptance. And when they don't feel like it's happening from their view of life...Then the seeking, control, manipulation attempts all just start up...It's like there is no ability to relax, and be at peace where they aren't the center of attention or where they aren't self entertaining....
In my experience these behaviors take on different faces, at times...but, it follows them in all aspect of life...I see it w/ our adult children, with our grand children, w/ our church family....And in all parts of our life...from meals, to TV choices, (to who handles the remote) to love making (when, how,)....Everything is about control....If you want to engage w/ me; it will be on my terms...For them to just be a quiet participant seems to me to be almost impossible for this type mind...
And when these victim behaviors and verbal outbursts are going on, if someone calls them on it, and points it out they pout like little children.....Or if denial is present, and they have a comfort level with the person (usually the spouse) they will usually just blame vs owning it.....
Saying all of this...the only constructive way I've found to handle this in any positive way is to not engage at all when the turmoil is going on, even though I'm going to be labeled as a bad person who doesn't care!....But it's the only way that I know to allow for any self reflection...And if I am strong enough to ignore the insults...Later I may see a sign of awareness....
When they realize they are loved; regardless of how messed up they are, it seems to calm them when those insecure moments are haunting them...Because just being truthful here, who isn't messed up??
c