I'm new here. Pretty much diagnosed my husband of 5 yrs myself. Hubby saw a therapist this week whom he said he liked and it sounds like the guy told him he likely has ADD and they will meet next week to continue. I'm frustrated bc I was feeling so hopeful, reading the adhd effect on marriage and nodding or crying with every page, saying yes, we're on our way to treating and managing- this sucky life will end ... And he tells me he got the number to another therapist (recommended by his quack step father who is anti all meds - he ignores the fact that everything is a chemical compound on some level... Even caffeine and even the 100s of supplements he takes every day- meds are evil and part of some medical conspiracy to keep us sick... Mind you, I'm and ER doc). I ask him what this means, is he going to see this new person now. He says well he's interested in meeting him and seeing all him options and getting more info. I see it as a way to once again scatter- not see the problem as urgent as I do, skip around and not commit. I want to pull my hair out. Sorry I'm all over the place in this post. This guy has me losing my mind. If it wasn't unethical I would slip meds into his drinks. I need to jump start this guy. He's withering away and making me volley between hating him and loving him w great empathy. Arg
ADD getting in the way of treating ADD
Submitted by eolivo on 09/24/2016.
I know and wish I Knew...
Submitted by powerhouse on
I'm so sorry to hear this from you but I understand a bit and I'm so scared as to what this means for the future. My ADHD spouse cannot truly accept what's written all over the site as they feel ADHD is just a difference in personality so why should anything change? I just need to adjust to her personality and we would be in happy-land. However, like you, the book is revealing our whole marriage and finally I was hopeful that we both can work on us and make things better. I'm afraid that she's going to play the therapist game as well, and not go to one that says she has ADHD. Sorry I don't have any advice here, but as so many of these threads show, at least know you're not alone and it definitely seems that the "I don't have ADHD or need treatment" can make this feel like a viscous circle with no end...so you may not be "imagining" things.
Welcome
Submitted by DependentOrigination on
I am a nurse practitioner. I am also new hear. Take some time to read through these forums and learn from some very wise women who have spent years with ADD spouses. This site has really been a game changer for me.
I am sorry to hear he is moving away from a therapist you feel might be helpful and headed in a direction that goes against what you and I both know are science based medications.
Find the post Melissa wrote about lovingly detaching. I have been putting this into practice the last two weeks and it has been very helpful. Also, instead of investing my energy in trying to heal and correct my husband, I have been venting and seeking help on this forum. It has helped me gain a remarkable amount of time and energy and my life is getting better.
I definitely lost my mind at some point. Now that I have it back, I doubt I will let it get away again soon. Good luck and I hope you both get the answers you need.
Eolivo,
Submitted by GiveMePatience on
Eolivo,
If there is anything to know, know that ALL OF US VERY MUCH UNDERSTAND and know how you are feeling...
I, personally, know how FRUSTRATING it can be, when your ADHD spouse refuses to take medication... Although, I have to admit... reading the 'side-effects' of so many medications would make ME want to avoid them, as well...
I've done EXTENSIVE research into 'alternative methods' for treating ADHD and have found that SERIOUS cardio exercise, for 30-40 minutes, every other day can make a pretty SIGNIFICANT difference. I will attest to this, myself, as I have noticed a MARKED DIFFERENCE in my husband, since he has been doing this. The cardio exercise helps to elevate certain KEY chemicals in the system, such as serotonin and dopamine, both which are lacking in the ADHD individual. Also, my husband takes Focus Factor, which has made a SIGNIFICANT improvement on his memory and his ability to 'shift' his attention from one thing to another. He also takes fish oil, with a much higher EPA to DHA ratio. He is also taking L-tryptophan, which is the precursor to serotonin. Also, there are many books out there to help with the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that many ADHD people need assistance with.
I would not share this information with you if I did not notice a difference in my husband, but I did. Does it work as well as medication would? Probably not. But it truly did make a NOTICEABLE difference.
Something else that 'helped' my husband to MOVE TOWARD ACCEPTING the ADHD diagnosis was a book and a podcast by two guys that HAVE ADHD themselves... although, they prefer to refer to it as "HUNTER-TYPE WIRING". My husband was MUCH MORE WILLING to accept it, once he read and listened to these gentlemen. The name of the book that one of them wrote is, "The Drummer and The Great Mountain".
I wish you luck and patience... and hopefully just knowing that someone 'out here in cyberspace' KNOWS EXACTLY HOW YOU ARE FEELING, as well as understanding some of the things that you are struggling with.
GMP