Submitted by inthedark on 10/09/2016.
how should I deal with this? should I ask him to stop talking when I can't listen anymore? we don't live together and I feel guilty for being glad we don't! he blurted out something inappropriate and I told him he had no filter, he didn't respond but didn't seem to mind me saying it.
No Filter
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
I can relate to what you've said about the no filter comments. With my boyfriend, I call it TMI.
I have learned much about ADD/HD by reading books, and reading forum posts on this website.
One of the best pieces of advice I received was from someone reading my post, "TMI". ""If you can't hear, and then walk away with only a calm comment like: "I'm not interested" then these kind of events will just keep happening." "With his mind, the less you speak, the better message you send, and the more it will be received."
My problem was with my boyfriend going into too much detail, particularly when speaking about other women, be it his ex wife, former girlfriends, the office slut or token office "hot chick". He didn't understand how uncomfortable I felt hearing these details, and said that I "shouldn't compare myself to other women". My thoughts at the time? "Why is he going into so much detail about his ex, old girlfriends and how the office slut gets the guys working under her to do things by tempting them with sex.WTH? No woman wants to hear about how hot all the women in their boyfriend's office are. The same goes for ex wives/girlfriends. You are with ME, you have chosen to be with ME. Telling me about things I don't need to know about is disrespectful to me, and insults what we have.
I think he knows where I'm coming from now. The "TMI" subject came up one last time a couple of weeks ago, when he said this :"I don't talk about some people I work with because I don't want to upset you." He then went on to say that he feels he has to censor what he says. My response: "I don't want you to censor what you say to me, or feel that you can't talk to me about your day, or anything else on your mind. I just don't want you to go into exacting detail. It was awkward and uncomfortable for me to meet some of your coworkers at the Christmas party last year, knowing the things about them that I know......For instance, I didn't need to hear about "V". the office slut, how she shakes her butt, wears tight clothing, and sidles up behind some of the men who report to her, presses her breasts against their backs, and massages their shoulders while they are sitting at their desks. I felt very embarrassed when I met her in person. You can mention her in conversation, along with any of your coworkers, but leave out those kind of details....thats all."
I have learned to change the way I react to occasional TMI moments. I walk away and act calm....If I raise my voice or get upset at all, it all spirals out of control.
I hope you find some answers here, and comfort in that you are not alone!
no filter
Submitted by inthedark on
thank you Adele. your story is very helpful and explains a lot. it just all sounds like extreme fear doesn't it? and funny I was thinking I would just have to walk away as you suggest. since finding out what it is i am not shocked but the interminable talking is exhausting. he knows now he can't say anything inappropriate to me or anyone else if it relates to me. but on weekend we were watching tv and he just blurted out something inappropriate about a girl on tv, i was shocked but kept it hidden knowing it's just the ADHd, thats when i said 'you have no filter', and i never heard another peep out of him. also i was thinking the same thing how am i going to invite him to social occasions knowing that he might blurt out anything, which he has already done once. everyone just looked at him somewhere between puzzled and shocked at what he said. our relationship is fairly new so don't know how we will go, can only hope for the best. thanks again.