I know that just about anything that comes out of his mouth anymore is just talk and when I bring it up to him less than 24 hrs later it's like he never said it.
Case in point, last night. About 8pm last night he says to me " Do you want to go to Buffalo Wild Wings tomorrow and watch the Packer game?" I was shocked he asked that seeing as he's not a huge football fan. I say to him that the Seahawks (our home team) was playing at the same time and that it will probably be crowded. He goes "So? It's not like we haven't done it before. Besides, I could go for some wings". I say " Okay then. The game starts at 1:30". I was pretty sure we wouldn't be going. This morning he doesn't get out of bed until 10am. At about 11 I ask if we are still going and he says "I don't know. I'm pretty happy just sitting here". I KNEW that would be the case! Then at noon he goes back to bed.
I am SO tired of never being able to get excited about doing things with him because he gets excited about doing something and the next day when I'm all amped to do it he acts like he never said it and just wants to sit around the house or take a nap. Even when he comes up with plans out of the blue that sound like fun and then even 2 hrs later he's like "Nah, I'm good just sitting here". Then WHY the hell did you bring up doing something??!!
Mapper, I'm sorry that your
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Mapper, I'm sorry that your husband always does this to you. I think you and I are alike in being generally optimistic and proactive: we want to think the best of other people, we want to find constructive solutions, we want to forgive even if we don't forget. And then the other person, despite the chance being given to him or her to respond differently, does the same old, same old. It's so frustrating and depressing.
Mapper try something different....
Submitted by c ur self on
Mapper your life matters, but, based this post you are living like it don't....He is controlling you like a puppet...I suggest the next time y'all have an agreement for later on or the next day...You do not ask him if he is still going...Just expect him to be as good as his word.....
I suggest you should plan on it without a word....(knowing in your heart you may be alone), then we he doesn't hold up his end of the bargain, with no thought of you....Go anyway....Since your alone, forget the plan, and just do what you enjoy....Dinner out, movie, shows, shopping visit a friend....Just go live...
And don't allow him to put a guilt trip on you or drag you into a conversation where you end having to defend yourself, for having a life....When based on your post he is just hanging you out to dry, with no respect for your feelings or your life....But, if you continue to allow it, it want change!
After two or three times of you going on without him, he will figure it out....About the only thing you owe him in these instances is..."I love to share in life with you, but my life is as important as yours, so when you decide to cancel agreed upon plans without considering the fact that you aren't the only one involved....At that point I will decide for myself what is in my best interest".....
He needs this medicine of seeing you are not going to play the Co-dependent spouse....Who's life is on-hold like a whinning puppy waiting to be taken for a walk....
You have the power to open his eyes; even if you can't change him....And I think you will feel much better about Mapper....
Just my opinion....
C
Yes, an ADD spouse CAN plan. LOL
Submitted by vabeachgal on
Mapper:
C is right. Do something different. I can relate to your experiences. My husband is Mr. Bail Out of Plans.
Yesterday was my birthday. My husband gave me cash last Monday. (?) It was easier to give me cash (we always withdraw some cash in anticipation of a weather event like Hurricane Matthew) than get a card and give me card and cash on my birthday or get an actual gift.
He took me to breakfast on Saturday, which I thought was odd. He said the restaurant was closed on Sundays. The website clearly indicated that it was closed MONDAYS. He doesn't have THAT much trouble reading.
He told me to plan something for us to do on Sunday. I did. I joined a local hiking group. The Sunday expedition was to a small town an hour away. Lovely route. Picture perfect Fall day. The town has a charming downtown district for strolling after a hike and a couple of great restaurants. It checked off many boxes. It was a beautiful day, time together, exercise, new people to meet, we would get out of town (a little) and it was free. I didn't even resent having to find the activity.
I won $50.00. I made a bet. A half hour before departure time I noticed the customary restlessness and agitation and lack of movement. Sure enough, he was loading up an excuse. This time, he pulled the dog car. He said he needed to stay behind because our elderly dog wasn't doing well. I chose to go anyway but felt guilty.
I had already asked a friend to join me knowing what was likely to happen. I had already made a bet with someone else.
The woman who accompanied me is a close friend of one of my H's friends. H's friend was at a bar watching the games. We asked who was with him. The answer was "no one."
I was gone for hours. When I arrived home, my H was shocked that I didn't want to prepare dinner. He was a little miffed I was gone so long. Later that night, I casually asked, "So, did you go out for drinks with X?" At least he didn't lie this time. I asked him if he was planning on mentioning it. He said no, only if it came up but he wasn't going to volunteer the information. But... he played the dog card and made me feel bad for going on the hike. SMH. He has historically been the king of lies by omission. I see the behavior didn't change.
Anyway. I feel great today. I had a wonderful day. I feel refreshed. Zero guilt. This is the way I will operate going forward. Oh, BTW, this is from someone who didn't want to end the marriage and asked for a year to "get it together" and "work on himself."
My birthday was rearranged to accomodate his social schedule. But, hey, I found out he can plan. LMAO.
I'm using the birthday money for other outings with friends. I see a nice vineyard tour in my future.
It is hard to absorb this kind of behavior year over year. What assumptions are made? No one wants to assume their spouse is an ass so we look elsewhere for answers. I don't want to hear "victim" again. Unfortunately, it is easy to think that your spouse doesn't want to spend time with you or is not interested in any of the activities that you enjoy or is rejecting you. It is easy to feel that way because that's what common social behavior rules indicate. If a friend behaved in this manner, it would be pretty clear cut. You would probably drop that friend. It's more difficult with intimate partners. So, what do you do? Maybe you try to analyze the situation and find try to find activities that would be more appealing, hoping something will "click". Nope. That doesn't work either. Or you feel hurt and disregarded, especially if you don't know about ADD. So you try and try and try and at some point, you hit a wall and cross over to victim territory.
Expecting to be let down again
Submitted by jennalemone on
I've been on this site for a few years. I've been MIA for a while trying to get a positive, helpful direction/perspective for myself. This site has helped me to see all of us in a relationship with a partner who is "not trying" or unable to commit to a long term happy intimate partnering, ADD, ADHD and non, in a way that WE would like to partner and work together and play together.
Mapper has pretty much put her finger on the symptom that is the most devastating. I have said for years "in my head silently" that I can always depend on my H for one thing and that is "to let me down". I have been psychologically conditioned to EXPECT to be "let down". So it is impossible for me to be who I once was...gregarious and confident. I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I was always one to try to "take the high road" in our disagreements. I would "walk away", try to appease, give the benefit of the doubt, count to 10....all the coping strategies that I was taught were the best way to "work together. What I have learned is that with some people these tactics backfire and have the opposite result. H's family is one where people cuss and yell and insinuate and backtalk and there is always a spat between at least 2 siblings who are unwilling to "give in". If you don't fight back you become a victim in these families. My family was one of manners and rules and "stuffing it".
I don't want to be in a team where I constantly have to fight to win. Where "giving the finger" is a sign of feistiness rather than vulgar. Where manipulations and "getting even" are the games of the day. BUT.....realizing I have been a victim of this situation has been a struggle for me and H and I don't respect each other because we are measuring with differing rules. Incredible that two intelligent people could not grasp what was so wrong for so long. I COULD make this relationship work by changing my ways and "fighting". But that would not give me integrity. I need to take the high road in my own way. That for a few months, has been to detach from H.
Now, I am searching for ways to gain my confidence, self respect and integrity back in my own way and let the chips fall where they may. Melissa had to move out of the home to get her ADHD spouse to pay attention. I am wondering if that is a long term solution or if a spouse has to move out every now and then to keep their spouse's attention.
For now, I know that I must not "stuff it" when I am upset. I must not "take it on the chin" when I am disrespected. I must work to have the energy to be proud of my self and be thankful for the things I CAN do and for the good people that are in my life. I must put work into "letting go" of expecting ANYTHING from H and let go of trying to get HIM to do or change ANYTHING or to grow or do anything together. That is the definition of not having a partner.
I get to work on not being sad or resentful about this and I must accept it with grace. I have stopped working on the relationship and started a new, even more arduous work of acceptance and pride in where I find myself and my choices.
Hi Jen....
Submitted by c ur self on
(I have stopped working on the relationship and started a new, even more arduous work of acceptance and pride in where I find myself and my choices.)
Working on a relationship?? What does that mean? If you are loving, kind, and live responsibly to your vows, isn't that all a person can do keep themselves a fit spouse in a marital relationship? The word working here scares me a little....I think the second part of your comment (acceptance and pride in where I find myself and my choices) is the work we all need to do??
I think when I was working on the relationship, instead of working on me, and acceptance of everything and everyone else....I was much more unstable....I think I'm much more at peace doing what you say in the second part of your comment....
Because when I "worked on the relationship"....What I was (not you, but me) really doing much of the time was, relaying expectations of what I thought would make our relationship healthy!
And what drove me to the second part of your comment is....It didn't matter if I was right or not....What mattered was what was happening to my psyche, and emotions when those expectations could not be met....
I think you are on the right road for sure!
C
C .....Yup
Submitted by jennalemone on
Thanks. It took me a long time. I see your point. "Working on the relationship", I thought, was inviting, supporting, communicating. But what it was turning out because we weren't doing it TOGETHER is that I was harping, fuming, saying words H did not want to hear. Working on me is going to be about learning, observing, noticing my own thoughts and feelings, joining in community things, getting out there and living MY life rather than me trying to life OUR life.
Exactly Jen....
Submitted by c ur self on
"Working on the
relationship", I thought, was inviting, supporting, communicating. But what
it was turning out because we weren't doing it TOGETHER is that I was
harping, fuming, saying words H did not want to hear.
Yep, you said it so well:)
Be at Peace my Friend...
C
And the thing is, it's like
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
And the thing is, it's like he's totally bored anyways but STILL doesn't want to go out and do anything. He did say right before he went back to bed "Well do you want to go watch the game at the bar or go have brunch somewhere? It's something to do." Before I could answer him he goes "Or we could just take a nap". I knew the latter is what he really wanted to do and if I said I wanted to go watch the game that he probably would go but I but he'd be in a mood. Apparently he even told his coworker that he was out with the night before that we were going out to watch the game as well and invited him along. No word to me that he asked him, but I see Facebook messages between them yesterday (yes I snoop, it's how I find stuff out!) that he emailed H that morning and said "What time are you heading out?" H responds with "We decided not to go. Still in pjs". Okay first of all I hate the fact that you asked this guy to come out with us without a word to me and second, WHY do you tell people this when you most likely have no intention of doing it??!!
Other times this has happened:
-He had promised his coworker that he would go to this show with him last Saturday. He was supposed to go to the same show with him a few months ago, but cancelled the day of due to something (fake) coming up. Then Saturday after he gets home from work he's sighing and complaining that he has to go to this show with the guy, but he just needs to suck it up and have a good time. And you know what, he went and he said it was a lot of fun.
-Back in early August I told H that our company picnic was at the end of the month and if he wants to come and he says and enthusiastic "sure". Well the week before we need to sign up as to how many people are going and I ask him again to make sure he wants to go. This time he goes "Well, not sure I want to get off work early to go, besides last time we just kind of stood around anyways. Why don't you just go without me, that way you don't have to tote me around". I was upset because others were bringing their spouses but he wouldn't come.
-2 weeks ago a coworker of mine was inviting people from work over after work one night for a housewarming party. She hadn't even moved anything in yet but wanted to show us the place. She also invited H because she knows him pretty well and also because he was the first on Facebook to ask when she was having a housewarming party. I forward the invite to H at work and get another enthusiastic "I can come after work for sure!" response from him. A week later, the night before I ask if he's still coming after work and he says "Um I don't know yet", which I know means no. The next afternoon at work I email him and say "So are you coming after work today because if you are, I'll stick around the party, but if not I'll leave earlier". His response to me is "I forgot all about it". I JUST reminded you last night! You can still come. I respond back "So I take it that's a no?" He says "Yeah I'll pass. Give her my best".
-Last week he forwards me this pic of a small adoptable dog. Nothing else written in the email. He gets these automatic emails occasionally with adoptable dogs because he is hell bent on getting a dog even though we have 4 cats and live in a 1000 sq ft house and he knows a dog is the last thing I want right now. I go to the website and look and email him saying "Yes it's cute but it says it says it needs another dog in the house" which will hopefully be the end of that. Well then I go and look at his email (Yup snooping again!) and see that before he even emailed me the pic, he sent an email to the organization saying that we are very interested in adopting the dog and wondering if it's possible for them to ship to dog closer to us or if we need to come out to see it, because we could drive out but it would be a few weeks yet. I was FURIOUS! They respond back that we need to come out and look at it there and that they can send an application if we want to fill it out. Well he never responded back to the email.
-Back in March there were tickets for this comedy band that we both like. I posted the info on his Facebook timeline, not even saying I wanted to go. He posts back "Lets get tickets!" Okay, I buy tickets and the same girl I spoke of above with the housewarming party wanted to come with us as well so I bought 3 tickets. He was totally amped about it, but the show wasn't until June. A week before I reminded him the show was next week. He didn't seem excited about it at all. The day of I took him into work so we could just have one car that evening. He was all grumpy when I took him in, he was grumpy when I picked him up, he was not very pleasant to my coworker either. We finally get there and we get beers and food and then he starts to liven up and he actually loved the show.
-Next month our company is having a Seahawks party on a Sunday for one of their games. Everyone and their family are invited. They are renting out the local theater and putting the game on the big screen and then beforehand we'll all meet at work and hang out, play games, drink, etc. I think that sounds like a blast and told H last week about it. I got a very lukewarm "Yeah that could be fun" from him. Any guesses on whether he'll cancel the day of??
I don't know if when it actually comes down to doing something, he doesn't want to do it or what. I don't understand that. Why does he act all interested and actually ask people to do things without any prompting from them, and then ends up not really ever wanting to do it in the first place and disappointing everyone?? And the thing is, it's like he's totally bored sitting around the house but has no desire to go out and do anything!
VAbeachgal you are so right!
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
What you say about "A half hour before departure time I noticed the customary restlessness and agitation and lack of movement. Sure enough, he was loading up an excuse." That is EXACTLY how it goes with my H! The excitement that was there 24 hours earlier about doing what HE came up with has diminished and now he's just agitated at the fact that we have to go out. Most people look forward to the weekends to get out and do things but all he wants to do is sit around the house and play video games and take naps because it's HIS time.
I'm a "reformed introvert"
Submitted by vabeachgal on
I'm a "reformed introvert" meaning that I've adapted over the years so I really get needing downtime. I'm still an introvert but that is no longer the first impression people have of me. My H, ironically, is an extrovert, but I think he needs downtime more than I do. I'm trying to understand. Maybe the thought of change or something new to experience really stresses him out and he'd prefer to sit on the couch and drink beer. I inadvertently started an argument last week when I asked him how many times he'd watched the SAME movie in one week. Hint: more than 3. He watches the same old sitcoms over and over and over again rather than finding a new series to watch. I can't stay in the same room anymore. I can't focus on the same thing over and over. It makes me feel like I'm missing out on life.
I guess it's tom-ay-toes, tom-ah-toes. I feel recharged by different scenery and activities. When I am absorbing new things, I can't be stressed and anxious. It clears my mind and helps me relax and get away from problems. I NEED outside activities. I NEED the breaks from routine. I feel dragged down by same old same old. I think my husband gets stressed and anxious about "new" and "different" and watching the same old movie several times in one week somehow relaxes him and puts his mind at rest. Like you, my H will sometimes enjoy activities I initiate and other times be a real wet blanket and suck out any enjoyment. I will adapt my life accordingly and stop giving up what I need to be happy. LOL. I sure don't understand all this talk about the blessings of fun, spontaneous, out of the box, exhilarating, never boring, always exciting life with an ADHD partner ! I'll take some of that, please.
I am very proud of myself for not letting my H's inattention ruin my entire day as it has in the past.
I, like you, are also very
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
I, like you, are also very much an introvert, whereas my husband is very much the extrovert. Maybe it's because I keep to myself so much that the weekends I WANT to go out and see things, whereas he gives off so much energy at work during the week that he just wants to stay home. I still have to get over him not wanting to do things and go do them myself, but he sucks so much joy out of me when he cancels at the last minute that I just have no desire to go anymore. Or, if I do, I'll come home and get the cold shoulder that I was gone for quite some time.
Coming and Going
Submitted by jennalemone on
I have found that if I accept that H is the way he is and does what he does before an event, that I will be going alone. This works better than reminding, cajoling, and trying to energize him to get ready and get in the car to go. I have gone to family gatherings, weddings, parties, etc. alone and he comes in his own car sometimes after I arrive. I don't care anymore if he is angry that I "left without him". I get to condition HIM now that if he cannot communicate or follow through, he is on his own - it's his choice. I don't let myself get upset anymore. If people ask me where H is, I am honest without being upset or putting him down....just. "He didn't get ready and come, so I don't know if he is coming or not".
I am starting to see that consequences are more important to H than partnership WITH me. But I don't want to spend anymore of my time or thought on training him with consequences. The chips must fall where they fall. This is a little TOO independent for my tastes but I must accept that I MUST have my own integrity to myself and not be his serviceable, compromising fool.
He is also the one that hangs at a gathering too long at the end. While I see that the hosts are tired and ready to end and that all other guests have left, H suddenly comes alive and seems to not know when to leave. It is good in these times for me to have my own car. When we were young, I used to suggest, say Goodbye's verbally to hosts, then nudge him, then pull on him, then sit in the car by myself waiting for him to leave. All while he was making unwanted jokes about me being a party pooper....even though all other guests had left.
If we have visitors, he always walks them out to their car and then, after he was aloof and MIA in conversations during the visit, stands at their car door and with animation we hadn't seen all day, hangs on their door talking through open window. I used to say Goodbye at the door and let them fend for themselves. Now I rescue them....sometimes they have antsy young children in the back seat and a wife who sits quietly waiting for him to stop talking. I DO physically pull him away from open car windows in our driveway, saying, "Let these people get home." If he holds his stance, I will get more and more aggressive with him until he is angry at me. But I don't care about that anymore. H does not get to hold people captive in our driveway while he is unintentionally being a pain in the butt. Not if I am part of the host/hostess partnership.
There's a game on Thursday
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
There's a game on Thursday night, Packers vs Bears, that is televised on NBC but I want to go enjoy the game with others at a bar. Do I dare ask H if he wants to meet me after work for dinner and watch the game? No doubt he'll say "Sure!" on Wed. night but then when I remind him via email on Thursday at work he'll say "Well I think I just want to go home and we can watch it there" which means he'll come home and sit on his computer in the other room while I watch the game!
Mapper, go and enjoy yourself
Submitted by dedelight4 on
I think it would be a great idea if he backs out again, to just smile and say, "That's okay, I'm going to go, and I'll see you later.", then smile and go enjoy your friends. You would probably have a great time, being with your friends, and all. I hope you do go and have fun with enjoying doing something for you.
Since I left my husband, (this is a recent thing) I've been getting out more and not feeling "guilty" about everything. My husband would usually tell me that I had been gone "too long", even if was only a couple hours, when he could go for any length of time. He always called and told me where he was, and when he would be home, which he usually kept to, but he didn't like it when "I" was gone too long. But, NOW, it feels GREAT to be doing things "without his permission all the time", and/or approval, and without having any time restrictions. I'll be 60 this month, and having my husband keeping track of (even a small part) of my time was demeaning.I'm an old lady, (a grandmother) and it's okay if I have a good time somewhere, the same as he does.. He couldn't ask me with loving care in his voice, it was more a control thing where HE needed "whatever" it was he got out of it.
Sorry to hear you are still facing this.Do you have family in the area that support you emotionally?
If I went without him to
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
If I went without him to watch the game, I'd be going by myself. I don't have any friends in the area who like football. Frankly I don't have a ton of friends, pretty much just my coworkers. So I'd be hanging out at a bar for 3 hours by myself. Not something I would do. No family in the area. My mom is back in the midwest, my sister is in the south and then there's extended family but they are all out in the midwest as well.
And you are right about the guilt thing. I can't go out and do anything without him anymore without feeling like I'm going to get the cold shoulder when I come home a little later than he thought I'd be home...even if he never wanted to go in the first place! When I am out, I'm always watching the clock thinking that I have to leave at so and so time. Yet he'll go out and be out way later than I expected him to be, no phone call. I'm talking like him saying he'll be home by 10PM and then I go to bed and wake up and 1AM and he's not home. Then he does get home and can't understand why I'm so upset! Yet I say I'll be home at 7PM and don't roll in until 8PM and he's livid! He's also known for leaving places early and surprising me at home. So I even 2nd guess going out at odd times because you never know when he may pop home and then tell me I'm weird for being out at that time. Like last Saturday he went to a concert with his coworker. He didn't leave the house until 8:30. I had this craving for a really good salad and we didn't have the stuff at home. I just wanted to go and get a pre-made salad at the grocery store but I sat there and thought "Well what if I leave for 20 minutes and in that time he remembers he forgot something and turns around to come home and finds that I left? He's going to accuse me of going off with the "pool boy". So I gave it 30 minutes and thought that if he hasn't come back by now he's not coming so I leave and come home within 20 minutes and to my relief, he isn't there. And why would he be if he's meeting this guy? Then I start thinking "I wonder if he'll notice that the car isn't in the exact position in the driveway that it was when I left, like it's 2" closer to the garage than it was before. Is he going to accuse me of something? Stupid little things that I really overthink.
Another thing, he finally got his truck fixed a few weeks ago because he just had his motorcycle and the weather is starting to turn so he'll need the truck. Kept saying to me about how he NEEDS to go play guitar with his coworker because the guy is really good and can teach him stuff but he can't go on his day off because he can't tote everything on his motorcycle and he'd have to drop me off at work and pick me up which is a pain so he'd have to wait until the truck is fixed. Well the truck got fixed a few weeks ago and he kept saying to me the night before that he definitely had to get over to this guy's house and play tomorrow. About 2PM I get a text from him saying that he's just going to play at home instead. Then I see via text that he was supposed to go play with this guy yesterday but once again texts him that he's just going to stay home, but how about tomorrow after work? That's total BS too because he's not going to go over there after work and play tonight. He'll just want to come home.
WHY WHY WHY does he spew all this stuff and you know he is never going to follow through?????!!
Oh and then there's the whole
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
Oh and then there's the whole thing where we've been wanting to go to Europe for the past couple of years because I work at a place where we can both take the tours for free, just need to pay our own airfare and he needs to pay an extra $100 a day. So even for a 7 day tour we're still looking at around $1200/person for airfare, plus $700 + spending money so at least $3500 which is not doable because he has no money and can't save. He has said "Let's start saving to go next year. I'm tired of you always having to tell your coworkers you don't have the money to go. I just need to stop spending it on stupid shit. I'll have no problem saving a couple hundred a payday." You can't save $20 a payday much less $200! He has spent hundreds of dollars backing this up and coming video game, paid $300 for security cameras that he was hell bent on getting and they have been sitting in a box in the garage for a year now. Then 3 days after he said he needs to stop buying stupid shit, he comes home with this ladies jacket that he said he got for his daughter (who he hasn't seen in 5 months) and then says that it's probably too big for her and I can have it. First off, I do not want or need a jacket as I have 2 raincoats and 2 winter coats and secondly I don't even like the jacket or asked for it. He tells me "Well it's old inventory and they said they'd sell it to me for $150 and I said how about $75 and they gave it to me. So you spend $75 on a jacket that you thought you'd get for your daughter who you rarely see and now it's for me who doesn't even want it. That $75 could have paid a bill or gone into a vacation fund, but instead for some very odd reason you thought you'd get a woman's jacket just because it was such a steal??
I say go by yourself.
Submitted by dvance on
This reply is for the poster who wants to go watch the football game--I say go by yourself. Honestly I am shocked more women don't go out alone. What is the big deal?? Especially for those of us with an ADHD spouse who make going out such a project for so many reasons--can't get ready on time, want to leave early, act weirdly while out--there are so many reasons to go alone. Over the past several years, I have done more and more stuff alone. If there is something I really want to do/enjoy and I can't get a friend to join me, I will go alone and it turns out fine. I go out to eat alone, movies, theater, a lecture a few weeks ago, shopping. Really--no one out in the world is paying that much attention! It's actually quite nice to go at your own pace, not have to either make small talk or be embarrassed at the ADHD person's odd social behavior, not have to cajole them out of a mood. Who cares if they are upset when you get home? What's the worst that can happen-they're upset. Our ADHD people are often upset anyway about many things, so who cares.
I sound more strident than I mean to be, but really--why should WE have to forgo something we enjoy or want to do because of them? A true and equal and caring partner would want one of two things--to join us and enjoy the thing together OR to be fine and pleased that we are enjoying ourselves. A true and equal and caring partner would not give us the cold shoulder if we were out later than we said or went somewhere without them. Speaking for myself, there is so little that is NORMAL about our marriage, I don't care about this small thing. If I want to do something and it is reasonable for me to do it (like-I am not jetting off to Paris for the weekend), then why not?
dvance...I'm with you!
Submitted by c ur self on
I agree...I'm going to manage my life the same way, with the same convictions, whether she is with me or I'm alone...I would prefer to be with her, but, when the things she fills her life with takes precedence over time with me....I've learned to be fine with that...(Acceptance of reality) It's no reflection on me, only my behaviors and priorities reflect on me....
Peace Friend....
C