You all know from my previous posts what a mess my ex's life is and that it's been that way for a very long time.
Well I just found out that he bought the new girlfriend a diamond solitaire ring that she is now sporting on her left ring finger.
Yet he is telling his family oh, we're not engaged.. it's just a gift...
Just two months ago he told his son and daughter in law that he didn't want to introduce this woman to them because he wasn't sure it would last and that he didn't want to be tied down to anything.
Then he spontaneously buys her a diamond solitaire. Which, as you all know, has a lot of implications as far as society and everyone else is concerned... but to him it didn't register as anything more than "just a gift".
To recap: He is not divorced. He has been unable to find and keep steady employment. He has next to nothing in the way of money saved. His house is falling apart and full of junk. He and this woman live about two hours away from each other and they have only known each other for a whopping 8 months.
Additionally I was told by his family that he was at a point where he was going to have to start selling things off in order to pay the mortgage. So my guess is he put this ring on credit somehow and will just never pay it.
As you all know, ADD was never an official diagnosis in our case but from where I sit that is a gesture just screams of impulsivity and absolutely no thought at all to ramifications of a gift like that or to the bigger picture.
I am not so much hurt or upset that it's not me wearing the diamond because we all know the absolute madness that I endured during my 5 years with him, including the screaming temper tantrums and other verbal abuse. Plus I have several thousand dollars worth of jewelry from Tiffany's and items from Louis Vuitton that he gave me... so clearly big ticket items don't register to him as to how appropriate or wise they may or may not be...
....but I am flabbergasted at so many other things that I don't even know where to begin. The over-the-top naivete around a gift like that, the fact that he is probably very unaware of what this likely means to HER, and the fact that once again he did something like this while the house, that he is barely hanging on to, still needs a new roof and has no heat. I am also thinking about his children, who I am still close to and who have to deal with the emotional fallout of all of this erratic behavior. One of the kids even still lives in the house that he seems to be on the verge of losing. Ugh.
I honestly didn't think anything else he did could shock me ...but apparently I was wrong.
Thanks for listening.
If this isn't ADD I'll eat my hat.
Submitted by CaliforniaGirl on 02/18/2018.
I know u rightfully feel for his children.....
Submitted by c ur self on
But, based on this post...I hear so many reason's why you should be so thankful you have freed yourself from the chaos....
C
Thank you, C...
Submitted by CaliforniaGirl on
Yes, despite it all I still go back and forth between emotions and sometimes I'm not even certain as to why.
There are days were I am so thankful and so aware that I am so much healthier without him in my life. No more constant confusion and anxiety, no more screaming arguments and silent treatment, no more waiting or wondering, no more financial surprises... I even go to bed at a much more reasonable hour, get a solid 8 hours of sleep without any trouble and wake up early and refreshed. My boundaries are much stronger, my head much clearer.
And then there are days where I'm still just heartbroken. Maybe for what I had hoped for or what I thought we were working toward... certainly not for the reality that was. Or maybe because like walking away from an addict in a way.. you see the harm and the dysfunction but are helpless to do anything to stop it. Or maybe because I miss the person who used to hold my face in his hands, shower me with kisses and promise me the world and seemed so sincere about it all, before he would swing wildly some other direction again. Then there are days where I've even gotten angry and said to myself - WHY, WHY do I even care about this person who said and did so many awful, destructive things? I shouldn't care and I hope he loses everything!
And then I feel bad for even thinking that... or sad again. BLAH.
This all just left such a deep wound. Slow and difficult to heal. Probably time for another meeting with my therapist. ;-)
Being One....
Submitted by c ur self on
It is so difficult to be One Flesh w/ another person for any length of time, and then walk away from the relationship....That is simply why so many of us are here...We are writing these posts, trying to make some kind of sense out of our circumstances...I like what Jon said, about seeing through the Ice....(The ice isn't a choice in many ways, for certain minds...)...But if the thing that is not the (The Sin) Ice is rampant in a life....The anger, cheating, verbal or emotional abuse etc....Then regardless of our attachment (feelings) we have nothing sustainable...Nothing that will ever be healthy and produce true love and peace....
C
You know I've learned that
Submitted by Jon on
You know I've learned that the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. Personally for myself it's when I feel the dull ache of nothing that I most struggle to see any light up ahead. I understand that it must be heartbreaking to come to the realization that the person you once loved,tried so hard to love is a person who you will never be able to love. A person who at the very most shows up only fleetingly only to bring the sky down in the next breath. ADD is like being stuck under the ice, we can see through it, we can bash on it with all our might, but in the end you will always be on one side, and we will always be on the other. You can't reach them and they cannot reach you, unfortunately all that you can do is get up, pick up your things and walk, or in the end you both are dragged to the bottom. There is no shame in walking away and saving yourself and in all honesty, it's the only thing to do. Life is too short and too complicated to try to be the missing parts of another person and in the end it's not your life to live. Don't hang on the past. It will simply eat you alive, you have worked, sacrificed and dedicated yourself. A person can do no more than that.