Submitted by Miamo on 02/17/2021.
I have a double whammy in my marriage! - I am recently diagnosed at 53 (and medicated) and my husband (62) has been diagnosed but refuses to accept he has any responsibility to change.
I read a lot on here about one spouse having ADHD and the effects this has, but I can't seem to find any support for us to navigate our relationship.
Any pointers?
Awareness is key.....
Submitted by c ur self on
What's going on?....Is it blame? act/react? Is one or both messy, or hoarding? Is one or both OCD? Is one or both controlling or manipulative? Is one or both addicted to TV or Electronic's (gaming) or substance? Does one or both refuse sex in the marriage bed? Does one or both have impulsive behavior's anger or rage? Does one or both take advantage of the other (want work, in or out of the house).....
You and your spouse will have to humble yourselves and CARE enough to own what is going on in each of your individual lives, in order to make strides to improve it....We all have to start there add or not, (caring enough to take action)....I hope you both will do that....Based on what you said about your husband, he isn't wanting to own his behaviors...It doesn't hurt any of us to do some self evaluation, especially if there is conflict in our marriage....It takes two to tango....
Bless you...
c
Double Whammy!
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
Hi Miamo. I am not personally in your situation but your question reminded me of an article Melissa posted some time ago about strategies for when both partners have ADHD. Here is the link: https://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/14-tips-when-both-partners-have-adhd
Same Here
Submitted by Melissa E on
We are both ADHD and knew before we became involved. We are also the same personality type (ENFP) which makes for interesting times around our house. There are things that often don't get done for weeks and weeks but for the most part, we've been operating under the parent/child dynamic this last year and it was awful. I don't have any advice since we're still unraveling things but I just wanted to say you're not alone. My ADD is different from my partner's in a lot of ways but it's nice having someone who really sympathizes with the quirky manner in which my brain works. I know he feels the same!
Hi Melissa..."Grace for mind issues"
Submitted by c ur self on
It's much easier to have Grace, when it's being returned :)....The old saying "it takes one to know one" has a lot of truth to it...If calm coherent communication is being had in the relationship, (which can be so difficult for add minds, facing our own realities takes humility) and hearts and minds that are willing to try new things, a lot can be accomplished....
It's so vital for add minds to keep it simple when working to eliminate issues...agreement is a must, because if one person is negative toward the effort, or in denial of the problem, the other partner is wasting their time....It's just so vital for many adder's to work to form good habits....Most of the problems take care of themselves when we work on ourselves to form and maintain good habits....
My wife is high on the scale in most all things add related...Only when she accepts the effects of those behaviors on her husband (and others) does she have a chance to change (live a less intrusive life style)...As long as she demands (justifies the intrusiveness) to live this life of intrusiveness/abusiveness, then there is no hope for unity, because the partner has no options but to seek refuge....
People who justify dumping on their spouse is better off alone (adhd or not) ....No one is in this destructive path....
c