Our Live Couples' Seminar starts on Jan 22, 2025! Register HERE!
Looking for a little more support? Join one of our Non-ADHD Partner Support Groups. First support group starts on Jan 13, 2025. Find all our support group options HERE.
Turn your knowledge into actionable steps to improve your relationship. Join us on Jan 14, 2025 to learn about our new program, Intent 2 Action. Sign up NOW.
Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."
I wish I could say it gets easier or better but it doesn't. I've read several comments & can fully relate to them all. It has been exhausting. My husband still works. He has worked out of state for the majority of our marriage now. Which is a blessing in disguise really. I've tried several things. Nothing worked. Mainly because he never felt like anything was wrong with him. I did everything through the years. We have a livestock farm & I have ran it all by myself. Often times I've felt single. All my friends are single. My family is older now and they all live in different states. I have my animals & my gardens.
I raised my happy, healthy, successful children mostly alone. I was always referred to as, "You don't have 3 children, you have 4 children." I trained horses & dogs. Worked several part time jobs. I did it all, housework, yardwork, painting, fence repair, bills, taxes, etc.etc. kids and Boy Scouts, music, choir, church, soccer, football, track. I was Super woman haha.
Through the years, because I'm older now, I have made several observations on my own. One being, the majority of ADHD persons I have met & got to know, are usually the youngest of siblings. And they are usually spoiled by one or both parents. With them being an obvious favorite. I have to wonder if this is a trigger point for someone becoming ADHD. It's not a given though....it's just an obvious observation I have made. I even warned my children: Don't marry the youngest of the siblings, especially if they are a spoiled brat!. Parents really should not spoil their children & then release them onto the rest of the world. If you are going to spoil your kids, keep them for their whole lives. We do not want them. Single & happy in Ohio....just kidding. Still married. And I don't care if my husband sees this comment. He knows it's the truth.
Hi - just as an FYI, there is no correlation between birth order and ADHD, nor is ADHD about kids being spoiled by their parents. It's about the neurochemistry of the brain.
Wow ! 38 years is amazing. My marriage lasted 27 years, but the last five were hell. My ADHD was diagnosed - as many cases appear to be - after our daughter received her diagnosis.
One of our friends cautiously asked me whether we were having trouble with our second daughter (then 15) and gave me a book written by their paediatrician. We read the diagnostic screen and it was abundantly clear. My then wife pointed an accusory finger straight at my face and said with no small amount of vitriol "THIS IS YOU". Like every one of our difficulties in hindsight had roots in my ADHD - was solely my fault. My then wife refused to participate in therapy and we separated the next year and divorced five years later when our girls had finished school and were well into university. 15 years since the separation, my ex-wife still refuses to speak with me despite our girls having their own children - which kind of vindicates the decision to divorce.
Good news is that our younger girl with ADHD responded brilliantly to medication and CBT - passed her degree in Psychology with first class honours, then her Masters in Clinical Psychology. Now she has her own practice, specialising in kids with autism.
Twelve years into a second relationship we started to experience the old difficulties, but this time, treatment and therapy have contained the damage and I just discovered Melissa Orlov's book. We finally have useful guidance specifically for couples with one ADHD partner. It's been a life changing event.
40 yrs of Marriage to ADHD spouse
Submitted by Aya Adams on
I wish I could say it gets easier or better but it doesn't. I've read several comments & can fully relate to them all. It has been exhausting. My husband still works. He has worked out of state for the majority of our marriage now. Which is a blessing in disguise really. I've tried several things. Nothing worked. Mainly because he never felt like anything was wrong with him. I did everything through the years. We have a livestock farm & I have ran it all by myself. Often times I've felt single. All my friends are single. My family is older now and they all live in different states. I have my animals & my gardens.
I raised my happy, healthy, successful children mostly alone. I was always referred to as, "You don't have 3 children, you have 4 children." I trained horses & dogs. Worked several part time jobs. I did it all, housework, yardwork, painting, fence repair, bills, taxes, etc.etc. kids and Boy Scouts, music, choir, church, soccer, football, track. I was Super woman haha.
Through the years, because I'm older now, I have made several observations on my own. One being, the majority of ADHD persons I have met & got to know, are usually the youngest of siblings. And they are usually spoiled by one or both parents. With them being an obvious favorite. I have to wonder if this is a trigger point for someone becoming ADHD. It's not a given though....it's just an obvious observation I have made. I even warned my children: Don't marry the youngest of the siblings, especially if they are a spoiled brat!. Parents really should not spoil their children & then release them onto the rest of the world. If you are going to spoil your kids, keep them for their whole lives. We do not want them. Single & happy in Ohio....just kidding. Still married. And I don't care if my husband sees this comment. He knows it's the truth.
ADHD and being younger sibling
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on
Hi - just as an FYI, there is no correlation between birth order and ADHD, nor is ADHD about kids being spoiled by their parents. It's about the neurochemistry of the brain.
27 Years with a non-ADHD Wife
Submitted by Mike Jones on
Wow ! 38 years is amazing. My marriage lasted 27 years, but the last five were hell. My ADHD was diagnosed - as many cases appear to be - after our daughter received her diagnosis.
One of our friends cautiously asked me whether we were having trouble with our second daughter (then 15) and gave me a book written by their paediatrician. We read the diagnostic screen and it was abundantly clear. My then wife pointed an accusory finger straight at my face and said with no small amount of vitriol "THIS IS YOU". Like every one of our difficulties in hindsight had roots in my ADHD - was solely my fault. My then wife refused to participate in therapy and we separated the next year and divorced five years later when our girls had finished school and were well into university. 15 years since the separation, my ex-wife still refuses to speak with me despite our girls having their own children - which kind of vindicates the decision to divorce.
Good news is that our younger girl with ADHD responded brilliantly to medication and CBT - passed her degree in Psychology with first class honours, then her Masters in Clinical Psychology. Now she has her own practice, specialising in kids with autism.
Twelve years into a second relationship we started to experience the old difficulties, but this time, treatment and therapy have contained the damage and I just discovered Melissa Orlov's book. We finally have useful guidance specifically for couples with one ADHD partner. It's been a life changing event.
Congratulations on your 38 years. Champions !