Anger v. Contempt

ADHD & Marriage News - July 27, 2023

Quote of the Week

“Anger is a constructive emotion – it’s an emotion that wants resolution.  When I’m angry with you what I want to do is have some sort of interaction around that anger.  Anger is relational. Contempt is the opposite.  Contempt is ‘I’m just not going to deal with you, you’re beneath notice.  You’re not going to be in my circle anymore.  You’re not worth engaging with.’”

-Ezra Klein, in a podcast about the epidemic of loneliness in the U.S. 

Anger v. Contempt

There is a reason that John Gottman’s research suggests that contempt is one of the top indicators of impending divorce.  Who would want to be married to someone who feels “you’re beneath my notice” or, for that matter, to someone they value so little?

If you feel that your partner is contemptuous, it’s urgent that you get help right away.  For your own health, insist on either personal or couples professional assistance.  They can help you explore questions such as:

  • What are the roots of the issue? 
  • Can they be addressed? 
  • Are the family of origin issues at play? 
  • Am I being abused? (highly likely if contempt is present)
  • How do I/we move forward to a healthier life?

No one deserves the contempt of a partner.  Contempt is completely toxic.  If you’re in this situation, PLEASE don’t wait to address it.

 

Related Reading:

➤ Help! My ADHD Spouse Finds Relationship Drama Stimulating

Resources For those in relationships impacted by ADHD

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? My highly acclaimed 9-session Zoom seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live seminar will be in Fall 2023. Dates will be posted in late August, '23.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

FREE RESOURCES:

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD; 

Downloadable chapters of my books;

A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;

A large number of blog posts on various topics;

Referrals.

 

ADULT ADHD CAN HAVE A HUGE IMPACT ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! 

Question? Contact Melissa.

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© 2023 Melissa Orlov

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