How have you all felt about your self worth during and after ADHD marriage?
These days I'm slowly recovering my old self, preferences, self respect, interests. It's been a long journey. For months after divorce I felt like discarded waste. Returning to an - admittedly old and battered - version of the young optimistic me is an emotional and delicate process.
What happened to you? Could you keep important things in your life during the marriage? Have you been able to prioritize yourself in an ADHD family?
I wonder sometimes if I could have done better in preserving myself in the midst of it all.
It's hard to realize the full extent of having been parasitized by a full-blown case of mental illness while not being appreciated for it. I still hurt with the thought. Perhaps none of us are worth anything. But I intend to live the rest of my life celebrating that people are precious. Even myself, and even if I don't deep down feel it.
How do you feel about yourselves?
Self Worth....
Submitted by c ur self on
Interesting question....When I consider the dynamic of self worth, it set's off a few warning alarms in my mind as it relates to myself...As a young man growing up with divorced parents and no Dad present in our home (3 of us boys and a hard working mom) it was just natural that I would form some insecurities when comparing myself against other's who had more stabile and financially able home life's (two parent family's)...Then add on that I became a believer and realized the gospel warned me to "not think to highly of myself" (Pride)...So healthy self worth (value in this life) is directly related to how I love, care, and serve others, along with my personal responsibility to, and for my self care (mental, emotional, and physical person)...This last part, (self care) was something I have got a better handle on the past 10 years are so....
I think I'm at a good place with this, and I think it's been a product of thankfulness, and Christ in me, teaching me how to put others ahead of myself, as He takes care of me...(trusting him for my life) Looking back to my youth...I think insecurities created a strong work ethic in me, which served me well in many ways...But there is also the traps of "can I ever be good enough" etc....But, coming to peace with that and realizing that God created me in his image, and that knowledge and His love for me, has helped settle me....
I can honestly and peacefully say this as it relates to my marriages....both of my wives were, and have been loved, in all area's of life...I put them and their needs (not their wants, big difference) first in this life....I wasn't perfect by NO mean's....But, I have been a provider, I know how to apologize and repent, I shared in the child raising, cooking, cleaning and did all the yard work...I was by His grace the spiritual leader (prayer, scripture sharing, faithfulness most all my life to encourage and set an example in attending worship services)...I am an aggressive lover who put their needs ahead of my own...
I never want to have a faulty or prideful view of my worth...Jesus said to love God w/all our hearts, soul, mind and strength and our neighbor as ourselves....(everyone is my neighbor)...So my self worth has to be a heart that desires to be obedient to Him, (the gospel) So that drives me to serve, and to look for any avenue to speak love and life to others, like this one! :)
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Faith
Submitted by Swedish coast on
Again your perspective of faith is so valuable. I believe the relationship with the divine is an important part of ourselves. For people like me who've lost religion a couple generations ago there is a void which takes a lot of inspiration to fill.
Of course secular humanism also attributes us with innate value as humans. Like you I want to contribute to kindness and generosity. But the feeling of being a child of the divine... regardless of how well liked I am by others, that I can never have.
When the one I love shows me I have no worth, it hits me hard.
listing my boundaries help me saved my marriage
Submitted by EMADHD on
before i figured our my boundaries for my marriage, i asked myself that same question...then when i figure out my boundaries and put them on paper, i start living as me...it was a process, and a not so easy one, but i am happier and so is my marriage. i hope this help you.