I started a post when I first came back here again a few months ago entitled "Homiostasis". I had a specific question as it relates to motivation but I wasn't able to articulate in words what I was concerned with. That was just before going back on meds again as I was directly concerned how this would translate to my job, one of my main concerns at the time.

Now, several months later and switching meds in the process....I now know what I was worried about because in a real way, it's  already happened. This is one of those "things" ( without a name ) that are the consequences of taking a drug, whether it be good or bad. The closest I can come up with is homeostasis and/or biorhythms.  I know biorhythms aren't an officially recognized science, but for lack of a better term....it's the constantly changing cycles that have to do with your physical, mental and emotional state that are always in flux. Homeostasis refers to the balance between these elements. And within these things includes your motivation, or maybe....the drives that make us do things. And a reminder that ADHD has to do with doing things...important to note.

My main concern, going back on meds, was I would lose the hunger, or drive I used to motivate myself at work. It's the thing that I tap into to push myself and drive myself to do better. You could call it the "edge". And part of that edge is is to channel emotions including anger. Anger can be a powerful tool if used in a positive way. 

When I was reading about RSD that Mellisa included in her blog about this topic, a man with ADHD described it for himself saying: he never realized how much of his life revolved around RSD... how it influenced his decisions and actions throughout his entire life. I concur, but it doesn't stop there. ADHD itself has an equally strong ( if not more ) side effect or consequence of motivating a person, and therefore, influencing their actions, in different directions. Different than, a neurotypical person.

Growing up, not knowing you have ADHD has both positive and negative influences.  Not knowing you're not "normal" means, you think you're just like everyone else. Naturally, you do things to compensate without even knowing why or what those are. In a positive way, you gain skills and ways to get things done that work for you. And the harder you try the more things you learn. I guess another way to say it is...the more effort you put in, the better you become naturally.  

So in effect, you're trying to find your homeostasis or balance between your: mental, physical and emotional state. The problem with this is, it's not exactly "normal".

For lack of a better term, I'm calling this "ADHD normal " or normal for a person with ADHD. And from this type of normal, your homeostasis is different.  A lifetime of learning to adapt is what brings you to the here and now.

So.....

When you start taking a drug ( of any kind ) but specifically for ADHD....it does way more than just hit those targeted areas. It completely shifts your homeostasis to a different one literally overnight or in case of the antidepressants, a month or so later. The net effect may take several months but regardless....you're making a shift from "ADHD normal" to something new.

NOW.....many of those tools you learned to use in your favor, are no longer working for you the same. In my case, the "edge" is gone, and it's more difficult to find motivation at work ( specifically ) because that competitiveness and desire to go faster is just not there as it was. I'm not channeling the anger because the anger isn't there?  And even in terms of the RSD...the need to be "perfect" and above reproach isn't as strong. Thankfully, after 40 years doing what I do, I really don't need that as much because I already own those skills. In other words, that isn't necessarily any more.

But as far a people pleasing in respect to work...whether they like it or not isn't as much of an issue.  I can go down the list and check off each thing, but as far as motivation is concerned....the "new homeostatus" does have a direct effect on where I draw my drives or decisions to do things in respect to work. I don't really care if I'm first or last and I don't really even care if my employer likes it or not. It's easy for me to say because I have more experience than my co-workers but....the overall change is actually making me happier.  I'm more relaxed, and am listening to music again ( while at work ) and if my supervisor thinks I've suddenly developed a bad attitude that's not my problem. I'm still putting out ( almost ) as much work as I was before....within a small percentage change....which is still  more than my co-workers so I'm not worried about my job. I'm also not feeling as burned out and I'm choosing not to work overtime as much. I don't feel like I'm trying to kill myself everyday...which means...I'm bringing home a better person who's not stressed out everyday and completely physically spent.

Anyway. Sorry for the novel but this is not something I hear people talk about but it's extremely important I feel. Finding motivation in the "new normal " after meds....is definitely different from the "ADHD normal" but not without consequences.  And it doesn't happen overnight.  It's a big adjustment with lots of moving parts.

Last thing I wanted to mention about work, which carries over to so many other things. This was a game changer for me that happened years ago...

I was all stressed out about getting all my jobs done and they had loaded me up with too much work. More than was possible for one person to do. I went to one of the mangers I worked with, who had been around for years, and told him I wasn't going to finish and get everyone's work done. I was visibly upset and he could tell.  He looked at me and said:

"Relax, it'll be fine...don't kill yourself over it. No one in the history of the world ever died from not getting their jewelry on time."

In other words...it's not life or death. 

J