Forum topic: unwillingness to understand ADHD

Sun Sep 18th, 2011 - 5:42pm by adhdmom2011

Forum: 
Families with ADD Kids

About 3 years ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD.  It was great to learn that I'm not crazy, I'm just crazy ;-)

Over the last couple of years, I've begun to see ADHD in my boys (now 7 and 8).  The three of us have been seeing a therapist and have not yet gone through the full ADHD screening for the boys--especially since my spouse and I cannot agree on medication.  Truthfully, while I'm not completely sure of what the diagnosis would be (although my gutt is that they are both on the low side of the spectrum--but still on the spectrum), my husband truly doubts that the boys are ADHD (probably doesn't really believe it even exists as it's just an excuse for our inability to listen, follow-through, prioritize, etc.).  No, he doesn't go see the therapist.  The one time he did go, he was more interested in the blackberry than in the conversation with the therapist.

So, given that simple background, I need some help finding the right information that will help my husband begin to see that I'm not just making this stuff up--especially where my boys are concerned!  It can't be too longer either because my husband barely has the time or patience to listen to even a paragraph on a condition that doesn't really exist.

Right now, we are really struggling with the 8 year old's behavior (e.g., touching everything and anything in site in public--shopping, doctor's office, etc., lack of follow-through, not listening--not even the 3rd or 4th time, etc.).  And, I'm beginning to see the self-esteem issues in my 8 (nearly 9) year old and the socialization issues started with him last year.  My husband doesn't believe that continued belittling of him and physical punishment has any effects on self-esteem.  He doesn't even realize/believe that ADHD is a factor--doesn't seem to get that our son really can't control himself. 

I hope I've explained this well enough to get the right kind of help...  Thank you!

Comments

Submitted by gardener447 on Fri Sep 23rd, 2011 - 5:44am

Sorry, I really have no good suggestions, but I did notice a couple of things in your post:  The one time he did go, he was more interested in the blackberry.  And this:  my husband barely has the time or patience to listen to even a paragraph.  I'm confused.  I thought you were the ADHDer, not him. 

gardener447

Submitted by Pjloops on Fri Sep 23rd, 2011 - 10:40am

Your son sounds very tactile, get him those squishy balls to take in his pocket or bring them with you when you go places. Work on how you respond to him. Google the article "how to NOT talk to your children" it came out in the new york times a month or so ago. Talk from "I" instead of "you" statements. i.e., I don't think I was clear enough, or I don't think you may have heard me" instead of "you don't listen" or "your not listening to me". Those last two statements are "telling him" how you think he is or it is telling him what he is doing which doesn't allow for him to change "the thought or the feel of judegment of him" this could stiffle and frustrate him... Give him warnings, make sure you have eye contact and possibly touch him to get his attention. Then appreciate to reinforce. They want to please you. A simple "thanks for listening" or "good effort" or "good try, let's add one more thing". Add incentives, or take away tv or a game or don't allow friends over for a small amount of time until he realizes there are consequences. Tell him he can "earn" his stuff back or he can "earn" something he really wants to do or buy. I have two that get distracted, and a lot of it is normal but, they also are very impulsive at this age too. They are also very receptive to respectful talk. I speak to them both all the time about how we can better understand each other and how we can avoid yelling and crazy behavior. I talk to them about how it seems that each time I feel they don't hear me me, I feel I get louder and that I don't like my vice louder. I ask if they like my voice louder and they don't like it either, so we are all trying to work on hearing each other better. Treat them like you would your adult friend. They will feel respected and valued. My children are both under the age of 10 and it's working! : )