I did not want to write this forum but I need help! every one is well aware of me by now since I posted like 5 to 6 forums for the past few days, I can't even remember I have lost count.I hope that every one can understand how hard this is for me and, I am a very strong/weak person at this point in my marriage.I am from the Caribbean and the help here in the Caribbean is not so advanced with their treatment in ADDer's.I left my husband a few days now with the hyper ness in me never to return,I am having second thoughts.Why? I am not sure,all I know and feel right now is that he needs my help.In his past relationships,which really does not concern me, but, plays a role in my future with him,having found out the pattern and follow up of what was NEVER their fault for leaving and regardless to who it was in the failures of his past relationship's,I am thinking of why none of them tried to help him?He is like 47 now, 16 year's older than me, and this late down in his life he NEVER was treated NEVER was DIAGNOSED properly and he lived where all the treatment was almost free! I did somehow managed to find a doctor who specializes in ADHD patients ,and I did how even spoke to him about it yesterday,he got so defensive,and did tell me he's not going to no mental doctor!Okay I knew he would calm down after 6 hour's cause that's how long it take's him.Any how, I proceed to be persistent and got him last night again on the phone,but this time, I finally got him to agree to go see a doctor.I made the appointment and he have alot going on in work for him right now,and seems like his brain's can't multi task at all ,and I am always forgetting the off balance in him, told him I made the appointment and he declined! AGAIN! Saying that he have too many things going on at work,he can't think,he said he can't focus on that right now.I know he has a off balance in the brain's function and today I realized that if I don't stick with the plan in hand he would continue to procrastinate.I am well aware of what this could do to me but, the strong part in me could handle it,and the weak part in me how ever want's to stick it out with him no matter what it takes.My loving kindness gets me in trouble sometimes and it's not like I want to do this because of any other reasons other than, I love him to death,and my heart is as big as the ocean.But loving him to death is not what's keeping me from having second thoughts,it's the big heart I have with it.Foolish me! weather it works out with him or not I still want to help him I care alot.
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I think you should try to
I think you should try to explain to him how getting treatment will improve his brain function and how he will be able to focus and how he will be able to do better at work. I don't know how exactly you explain this to him but maybe find some videos to show him on Youtube or a short article he can read. A lot of people with these conditions are in full denial of ADHD and other conditions
hi tdsb12
Yes, I did explain to him how it will help him to function better at work, and focus as well on both, work, and our relationship,and he was very eager to do so, but after the fact he declines! but again you are completely right! he is in full denial; because it brings down his self esteem.I went to the book store today and ordered the Melissa orlov book on "marriage and relationships"I should get it in two weeks or so. Right now presently, I am communicating via" phone with him and working around the ADHD, and trying to let him know that I would take the diagnosed also, and get treated for my mild ADHD, so he don't feel the negative side of it. thanks again for all your help..god bless you..
Yes, you should get diagnosed
Yes, you should get diagnosed as well but what you perceive as "mild ADHD" may be your mind reacting to his symptoms. In one of the books I was reading it talked about how ADHD partners start feeling that the ADHD is contagious and that they are developing ADHD symptoms. I think you said you were in Jamaica or the Caribbean , I don't know if you have libraries close by but I would suggest even taking out other books about ADHD like "Delivered from Distraction". It will probably help to calm your mind down and to realize where the issues stem from.
hi tdsb 12.
You may be right,and what I am thinking that I am going through right now, as "Melissa orlov" stated in one of her books, I might be going through what she called the ADHD effect.I think sometimes ,that I have ADHD because of the way he controls my thinking lately, and my life.Any how I really was telling him I would get diagnosed also, so he won't feel the blunt of it, or have low self esteem,and to support him through this, but, it is clear to me right now judging from the feed backs he has been giving me, he really don't give a shit right now, I just have to be most patient with him.What I know for sure that I have and have been diagnosed properly for is "heart palpitations"that leads to anxiety,and it has gotten much better now,my cardiologist told me I am too stressed out some times.