Forum topic: lost!!

Thu May 10th, 2012 - 9:00pm by lovehurtsalotwithanger

Forum: 
Anger, Frustration & ADHD

Still lost,still confuse,don't know how to go on like this? he is never ever going to change the way he is.

Today is my DD birthday and she turned 9 year's today,(thank god)may god give her a happy long life.I was very happy to take her out to the play grounds with one of her friends, and they are about the same age,I took them for pizza today and they played in the"pizza play grounds"while I waited for them,they had sooo much fun.

Well the girl that came to DD birthday outing with us" father"is one of DH child hood friend's,apparently DH has some sort of resentment for this man and feeling's of jealousy.I on the other hand knew about his resentment towards this man, so I had no intentions in letting him know that I took the man's daughter out with my DD and myself to the birthday outing,but,my DD did not know and she told him when he asked her"how was your day"

He was furious with me that I am associating myself with the man and his daughter,but,that was the same man he rented a spot from for me to relocate my cafe and then I was forced to relocate back the cafe when I found out that the same man's sister was his(virgin girlfriend),,LOL,,Funny story,,,well, that is the past but I felt betrayed that he never mentioned it to me and then after the relocation of the cafe he chose to do so..After some what 6 months and they were not around they happened to drop by today to have breakfast at my cafe and DD saw the sweet little girl and asked for her to stay over a bit since it was her birthday and I found nothing to be wrong with that.

Mr man had a problem with that telling me that he don't want me to have nothing to do with that man,he never said the kid too but it was obvious, I find him to be a complete selfish person to put kids between his nasty thinking!! he had no right!! this is (MY) daughter and the man he hate sooo much is a threat to him seeing the man is indeed a very well organized man and dedicated to his kids ,which is a threat to him and he thinks that an affair can come out of that with me and the man.

I am very monogamous and I would never ever put myself with anyone(just so)I am kind of funny with who I go with in the first place ,and if he really knew me he would know that!!!

well that he would never know b/c he is soooo distracted all the time and that hurts me so bad to know,well wow!!! hey it's me here the woman that is dying for your love and here you are thinking and thinking and accusing me wrongfully without even knowing it.

What the hell to do with this man!!!! can't leave,can't stay!!

lovehurts.

Comments

Submitted by amonty1026 on Thu May 10th, 2012 - 11:06pm

Hhhhmmm ok so I'm not sure of your whole situation such as is your husband on any type of medication or in therapy. What I can say is that it seems to a degree that you are waiting for him to acknowledge you. I can say this won't work. Especially for you my dear. You will keep waiting and in the meantime your feelings of loneliness, anger and resentment will build. Those feelings are going to make you feel bad about yourself. Then what? Your husbands grudge is his to own and not yours or your daughters. I would simply tell him "I am not cheating. I don't cheat. This is about my daughter making a friend and I'm not going to deny her that." Leave it at that. Odds are he's not going to see your side of it until he's ready. Getting into a battle isn't going to fix it. Draw your boundaries. Stick to em. At the very least you will have respect for yourself. Eleanor Roosevelt said "no one can make you feel bad about yourself without your permission." Stop giving him permission. Good luck.

Submitted by lovehurtsalotwi... on Fri May 11th, 2012 - 12:20pm

Well no, he's not on medication's and therapy,and that is my biggest problem with him,he won't go,he say's to many side effects from the pills and he said he could counsel his own marriage,LOL, I know how stupid that sounds but I haven't given up.

The cheating part, well he would indeed feel insecure b/c he himself has cheated in the past(not on me I hope) but with his ex's before and that would explain his insecurities and the role he plays as a husband is NOT up to specks"he knows".(scared I think)

My daughter is my pride and joy and I am very protective of her,but,I have been encountering some ADHD alike symptoms from her and it is possible considering her father's background.I have to go get her a proper diagnosis for that,where as the kids are concern,it really is non of his business who my daughter "plays"with,and that is something he cannot control.I simply would not let him know.

To simply tell him I am not cheating is "NOT POSSIBLE" he would NOT understand it "just" like that, I have to work on that with him,slowly.Maybe he has done it to me already and I don't even know,the first sign to an insecure partner is not far from them engaging in it themselves.

thanks for responding.

lovehurts.

lovehurts

Submitted by amonty1026 on Fri May 11th, 2012 - 12:38pm

I hope he isn't cheating either. That's a very hurtful thing to endure. Idk how or if things can get better without him seeking help in some form. Then again I'm new to the treatments and impacts of adhd. Having been with my hubby over 4 yrs, with two of them not having hyper focus, I can say it didn't matter what I did in regards to it impacting his behaviors. I tried everything including separating. While things changed in the short term, long term didn't strecth beyond a week or two. I can say my hubby is dramatically different since being on meds. He too mentioned side effects but nothing bad enough to make him stop. Unfortunately I don't have any advice on how to help with a partner who won't get help. :( I do hope it gets better. I really do know how saddening and lonely it is when things aren't good in a marriage.

Submitted by lovehurtsalotwi... on Fri May 11th, 2012 - 1:11pm

I hope he isn't too,but as you read along and understand ADHD better you would know how they could be addicted to sexual misconduct, and sexual addiction's like porn for example:I have had my fear share with him concerning the porn and the watching of the women, but I have that on a next thread so I won't say much.

The thing is like you I tried to leave also,but I tell you how hard this is when you truly love somebody and I have never loved no one as much as I love him,but,I guess that is the challenge I am faced with and I know it would make me a stronger woman,I do trust that I could love again if I were to go my separate way from him,but not until I am fully satisfied that I did my best to save my marriage and the man I am crazy about.

god bless,

lovehurts.

lovehurts