My husband and I have been married for 18 years with 2 children, 14 and 17. He has been on ADD meds for 6 years and in the beginning they helped. But over the past 2-3 years his symptoms have become progressively worse. His doctor just gives him a prescription without any counseling to go along with it, so I don't believe she knows how bad he has gotten. He is not focused, gets very angry very fast, is drinking a lot, seems disassociated with me like he is in his own world. I feel our marriage disintegrating and I have become emotionally vacant to help with my pain and loneliness. How can I get him to agree to go to counseling without him blowing up and feeling like I am ganging up on him? I don't even know how to bring the subject up. He doesn't think there are any issues with his ADD.
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I think the best way would be
I think the best way would be to leave the ADHD out of it and tell him simply, "I don't like the path our marriage has taken. I want us to be partners and to be happy with each other. I think counseling might would help us out of a rut." It may take a few times, but be patient, and don't make it about him.
My husband, who was diagnosed with ADHD about a year into our marriage, while not actively against counseling, did not seriously pursue it. It took me deciding that I had had enough, so I started going to a counselor on my own. After several weeks of therapy, it became clear that I wasn't going to make anymore progress until he came as well. He put me off again and I snapped. I told him I wanted a formal separation about a week before Thanksgiving. He freaked out and begged me to try counseling. So we did and over a year later, we still see her every month to six weeks, and things between us a bazillion times better. I still wish he was more attentive, but when he is called out on it, he does honestly make an attempt to do better.
Best of luck to you.