Forum topic: Starts but never finishes!!

Fri May 22nd, 2009 - 10:08am by VandenPolaski

Forum: 
Conflicts Around Household Tasks

My ADD husband and I purchased a "fixer-upper" a year ago.  Knowing that living in a house while remodeling would be horrible, we live a mile away in a condo.  The plans for the remodel included a complete overhaul of the kitchen (wiring & plumbing included), new windows, new exterior doors, fis plaster and paint throughout and refinishing the old hardwood floors.  Hubby is very handy and works in the construction/trades full time.  I also work full time and have two kids from my first marriage.

My problem is that it has been a year and we are not even close to being done with the house.  Hubby religiously goes there every night to work on it but nothing is done!!  The kitchen is torn down to the studs, wiring has been looked at but not removed/updated, some of the windows are replaced but not trimmed out, one door has been replaced but no door knobs or locks put on it . . . everything is started but NOTHING is finished.  What the heck is he doing over there?!?!

I have told hubby that I think it is time to hire some help to finish the work.  He tells me that I am being impatient and that we can't afford it.  Paying two house payments for another year seems more expensive than hiring help.

Any advice on how I can either convince him that we need to hire help -OR- help him get organized and finish the twenty things he has started but not completed?

Comments

Submitted by newfdogswife on Fri May 22nd, 2009 - 3:56pm

Good Luck to you on your attempt to have your hubby finish that house.  Our complete remodel is in it's 10th year with no end in sight.  Sorry, but I have no encouraging words. 

Submitted by Anonymouss (not verified) on Fri May 22nd, 2009 - 9:54pm

Set a time frame for him to complete a certain task. Make it reasonable. Tell him if he does not complete the task in that time frame, then you will hire someone to do it. Then do so.

Submitted by newfdogswife on Sat May 23rd, 2009 - 12:58pm

I've tried that on a couple of tasks but in the end husband always comes up with some kind of excuse why the task was not completed.  But, I have become used to this through all of our years together and just go with the flow.  He's the type that if you say something about the task not getting done he acts like a child and gets frustrated because I'm picking on him!!!!!! Unfortunately, we are unable to hire someone, at this time, as we are both about to be kicking unemployed rocks.   Otherwise, I would have done that in a heartbeat.   

Submitted by sal (not verified) on Wed Jun 10th, 2009 - 8:36pm

Find the average price for the work and the length of time that it takes to do. Call remodelers and get estimates (they will be vague but a starting point). Add it all up. Compare it with the cost of paying for both. Present the findings to your hubby.

Submitted by Dan (not verified) on Thu Jun 11th, 2009 - 10:25pm

As the ADHDer: Two things: First, he might get all of those things done, just that they will all come together at the last procrastinated minute. Second: don't just look for someone to do the work. What might help more is just for another person to be there to work with, keeping him working on one thing at a time until it is finished. I work this way all of the time, and things never look even close to being done, but all of the pieces are put together in a short time when they are ready. Most of the things I have are just started, but that's because I have a million things done, and the ones I do get done seem to be not much compared to all of the ones that are started, but when compared to what other people do, they are quite a lot of projects. I do work better with someone, even if they are unskilled.

Submitted by VandenPolaski on Fri Jun 12th, 2009 - 1:54pm

Thank you for the suggestions!  Getting everything down on paper with irrefutable math might prove my case.  Having someone work with him might also be helpful.

I did hire someone to repair and skim coat the walls.  My hubby agreed to it - mostly because he doesn't like doing that particular job.  Hey - whatever works, right!?!  I can start priming and painting the walls now (wahoo!).  I'm hoping that seeing things get done might give him some momentum to finish the rest of the things that are started . . . I'll keep you posted!