Forum topic: Help! Should I leave Him??

We have been together for four years. We argue about petty stuff and he doesn't acknowledge me or my feeling. He tends to misread and misinterpret things I say and I how say it. He doesn't even second guess himself. Instead of talking to me like an adult. He lashes out, acts rude and agrumentive. Even when I'm crying in front of him. I try to tell him my feelings but a lot of time he just keeps interrupting me to tell me excuses or just say nasty things to me. I try to be patient because I know he has ADD/ADHD but I feel like I'm losing my mind. If he apologizes at its takes a lot of the time and its forced apology. He comes off really self centered. If I don't ask one I mostly will not get one. Whenever he feels blamed for anything he is not shy about making you feel blamed for it. He will blame himself and then blame me for remembering something. He has a bad memory. He tends to overreact. He can't do simple task sometimes. He has no problem with yelling at me in public. Its so embarrassing. I've actually had someone in the past approach me and she was worried about safety.This is a middle aged man acting like this. I don't think I should be treated like this or put up with this just because it might be part of his ADD. He doesn't have a job. I work and I'm in the middle of getting a new apartment but he would be homeless and live in his car. And doesnt talk to his family. I dont think he has appreciate things I have done for him. He is dependant on me. So I feel bad.. I'm a bad person if I leave him?? I really hate to say this but I feel like a would be abandoning a child because he can't take care of himself.

Comments

I would only say that he somehow got by for many years before the past 4, right?

Whether it is connected to add or not - Verbal and emotional abuse are never ok. So far, he has gotten away with this sort of mistreatment. You do have choices. I'm sorry that you are suffering in this. Please take care of yourself.

My soul has dwelt too long with one who hates peace. Psalm 120:6

No not married but sure feels like it. Four yrs is a long time but I made excuses because of the ADD. I didn't want him to end up homeless and his parents asking me where he is. He did have issues before I met him but at least he had a little bit of money back then. Its a hard decision.

Sorry, but it shouldn't be, he's a man, not a child....

If you think 4 years is a long time, what until you get about 30 years of those empty promises, and you've had to support him, and raise the kids by yourself, and your health is broke down. I promise you, if you move on he will find another person to freeload on...Or he will go to work....If he is so unstable as to live homeless...Why do you want that burden....It's not right, it's just going to ruin your life. You should go talk to a counselor about this...Best wishes misunderstood89...

Your right. I'm too young to be dealing with this kind of drama/stress. I didn't see much of a future with him. I just thought I can temporary keep him alive with food and shelter. I forget there's homeless shelters out there maybe once he feels desperate enough he will actually go.

Lady...you are being used, and abused....You say he is middle aged....and you've been with him 4 years....And now he has you thinking he want survive with you....OMG....Lady he has you right where he wants you.....Hopefully you will see this....If you are not married....Don't do this....Please....The bible say's that if a man refuses to work....He shouldn't eat....

Because of his ADD he can't keep a job. He has anxiety, he can't concentrate and can't follow direction. If I ask him to do a favor he thinks of it as an order like I'm bossing him around. Its a lot for me deal with supporting myself and him. I wish he would appreciate me though, I've been complaining for too long and I haven't seen a change. Thanks for the advice.

because you have not given him an opportunity to show you.

He has no urgent need to change, because you keep taking care of everything for him.

You sound like you care for this man. So give him a chance to grow up?

That's what I am going to do. Will let you know how that works out.

My soul has dwelt too long with one who hates peace. Psalm 120:6

I've kicked him out before. It was winter, cold outside it had been about a week so unfortunately I let him back in apartment :( I'm going to let him go for good this time.