Aderall XR? | ADHD and Marriage

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Good Afternoon, My wife and I have been married for a little over a year and she is taking Adderall XR. Does anyone know of any adverse effects it might have on, over-focusing on the negative in a relationship, increasing hostility, causing "bi-polar" type symptoms (rapid mood swings) or anything like that? She was not on it before marriage, started slightly after and I swear she is a different person from when we got married. Thank you Bob, NY

Comments

Adderall XR

Bob - you should definitely talk with your wife's doctor about the possible side effects of Adderall XR. There are some, and they can include mood swings and, I believe, anxiety. Not everyone gets the side effects, but some do.

I normally don't comment on specific meds, but my daughter takes Adderall XR and we found early on that when she didn't take it - i.e. when the medication was going out of her system - she could have really severe mood swings. Our approach to dealing with this wasn't to take her off the meds, but to carefully monitor that she takes it regularly and so keeps a steady stream of the medication in her system. To do this, because she is a teen, when she wakes up late in the day she takes a short-acting Adderall as the XR would keep her up.

Another part of my family's experience with ADHD meds is that you have to experiment to find the right one for you. There are a couple of different classes of meds that are used to treat ADHD - anti-depressants and stimulants being two of them - and some people respond better to some types of meds than others.

Finally, from a marriage standpoint - make sure that your expectations (and your wife's) about what meds will do for her aren't putting pressure on your relationship. Good treatment includes learning new skills, learning about ADHD, getting plenty of exercise and nutritional support.

Melissa Orlov

Medical Interactions ...

Melissa, Once again thank you so very much. I'll try and find a way to get into this w/o offending my wife. She takes her Adderall like clock-work every morning she is very very good at that. However i'm curious about the "getting plenty of exercise and nutriional support". how key is this? She does not exercise and her nutritional regime is ... not the worlds best. Could this be effecting things as well? She says that when she is on Adderal it helps her focus better and she tried many other drugs before getting to this one. I just want her to be able to seize control of her life and amplify all of her wonderful talents which are just not being used. She has so much going for her and ... nothing ever happens. Thanks Bob

Medical Research Supports Need for Exercise for the Brain

There is a huge amount of research that says that exercise is very good for your brain, including focus. I pointed to exercise and nutrition because both do really affect folks with ADHD.

Aerobic exercise helps people focus as well as deal with ADHD in three ways - first, there is a short-term assist once you've done the exercise (a few hours) during which you are better able to focus because of the change in chemicals in the brain. Second, over the long run, regular exercise that increases your heart rate actually builds brain matter and helps you build new pathways. As a person with ADD tries to learn new things and use new parts of the brain, exercise can help. Third, exercise can be used to redirect someone who is having trouble focusing. If you are at your desk and find yourself wandering, doing 10 jumping jacks will help you get jump-started. For a great book on how exercise helps your brain, see the brand new "Spark" by Dr. John Ratey. If you aren't inspired to try exercising after you read it, you never will be!

On the nutrition side of things, Dr. Hallowell's recommendation is to be aware of sugar and carb levels (you get unfocused when you crash) and to include fish oil (much needed for your brain and lacking in our diets).

Melissa Orlov

Thank You

Melissa, Thank you so much for taking the time to put these thoughts on "paper". I'll have to check into that book ... maybe it will help me motivate myself some more as well. The more I read the more I think maybe she might want to try another drug ... now the trick is getting her to even consider it. Probably after following the advice i'm getting on my other mirade of posts ... if we can get "talking" about ADHD she might be more interested in what i'm finding out. Thank you again! Bob

Exercise and natural alternatives?

Exercise is fantastic - for ADHD and so many other things. I wonder if someone here has had good experiences with using herbal medicine for ADHD. I ran across an ADHD supplement called Attend. Has anyone tried it? It’s at http://www.add-adhd-help-center.com. It looks great and I hought I would ask around before ordering. I guess anything is better than Adderall. DH was on that for a while and it was a nightmare!

Adderall

Hi Melissa, I read this blog concerning your daughter and although I don't have a "marital question" I do have a question regarding my daughter who is 14 and has been taking Adderall for a few years now. The past few months she has been complaining that the Adderall makes her less talkative in school, less inclined to participate, and generally speaking..just sad to the point where she cries and realizes she needs to take it in order to concentrate in school, but hates the feeling of being down and quiet, which is really the antithesis of her personality. I try and keep in mind that she is a teen...which means hormonal...which could = mood swings....However, I do agree there is a connection here with her medication. She is on Adderall XR, we have been on 25 mg, reduced it to 20mg, reduced it again to 15mg in hopes of reducing this effect, but hopefully still helps her focus. For the last few days she has not taken the med on days where there are no tests or pressing assignments at school and takes it on the days where her schedule is more demanding. On the days she takes it, she is without a doubt quiet, reserved, simply not herself. In the past, when we have stopped the medication, her grades do suffer and it is more difficult to keep her on task with anything. She clearly needs something. We have tried Concerta and didn't see any results. Is there anything else out there? Ritalin has less than a great reputation, bu then again, everyone is different. Have you heard of this type of side effect with Adderall? Our plan is to not have her on anything during the summer. However, she will be entering High School in the fall and she agrees...we definitely need a plan before then. Any suggestion or comment you have would be so appreciated. Thanks so much Danielle

Adderall

This is definitely something you should talk with your doctor about, as he/she will be able to give you the best advice.

My daughter's experience with Adderall has been one of occaisional moodiness. We also found that when she changed hormonally we had to adjust her medications.

Moodiness and depression can be very serious in teenagers (ADD or not) and you are right to be concerned and help her through it in any way you can - including pursuing other possible options such as Focalin, Metadate and others, even different doses of things you've tried in the past. She may also want to try non-medicinal interventions that help her focus. The Hallowell web site reviews some of the options.

Our party-of-one observations of our daughter have been that it is actually going on and off the Adderall that seemed to cause her emotional instability. You may be inadvertantly causing some of the issues by not giving her the meds at exactly the same time each day and/or diminishing her dosage. Try keeping a log with her that tracks doses and the times and dates of various symptoms, including how she feels overall (groggy, happy, sad, etc.) and how focused she thinks she is (perhaps create a "focus scale").

My daughter used to take her summers off from her meds and we all enjoyed it (as long as she didn't have any pressing commitments - because she lost total track of time!) We have always left this decision up to her, as we do her decision whether or not to take any meds during the school year. This summer, because she is doing college applications, she has decided to continue to take her meds - she thinks it would be too much of a struggle to stay focused otherwise.

High school is a high stress time. Make sure that your daughter knows that she has your full support and love, no matter what decisions she makes about meds or what grades she gets so that you can relieve at least a little bit of the pressure on her. If you find that the environment in which she is studying is simply too intense, you may wish to explore schools that teach kids that learn in different ways, such as Landmark and Leelanau. In the end, it's not the number of As and Bs she gets, or what college she goes to, but whether or not she likes herself and finds something that she loves to do.

Melissa Orlov

Adderall

Thanks so much, Melissa. Have you heard of this type of side effect with Adderall before; generally feeling tired & reserved? Does your daughter have a coach? I'm looking into that now as well. One last question, my daughter has been placed in all level 1 classes next year. They are the most advanced type classes. I'm a little worried about this, but my daughter says she does better when she's challenged than when she's bored. We'll try it, but I think I'll check out the schools you mentioned in your emails. Does your daughter attend on of these or is she in public? Danielle

Level 1 classes

Actually, my daughter is at Phillips Exeter Academy, arguably one of the top high schools in the country. She finds the work very challenging. We try to choose courses that are varied so that she doesn't have too many labs or too much reading all in one semester, to help her manage the work.

There may be something in what your daughter says - if she likes the challenge, let her try it and see how she does. Worst case scenario is that she strategically pulls back out of a particularly course into a lower level. Just keep an eye on her, and make sure the teachers know if she has any accomodations.

Also, as I've gotten into the college search thing, it is becoming clearer and clearer that there are a wide variety of good schools - the trick is having an open mind.

Melissa Orlov

Adderall XR

Bob, First let me say, I really have no idea what I'm talking about- just offering a few thoughts. Adderall XR was the first stimulant medication I took after being diagnosed. As far as side effects go, its my understanding that one of the side effects of these types of medications can be mood swings. The XR is meant to minimize this by being a time release medication. When I first educated myseft about ADD and started taking medications I can tell you that it was almost like my eyes were opened and the fog had cleared. On one hand this was great, but on the other hand it also gave me a more clear look at myself and my life. The later wasn't so great all the time. I could focus better. I got things done and had new sense of "getting my act together." All that was great, (in part to A LOT of reading of you know who's books and in part to the medication) but what no medication will ever do is "fix" any of the behaviors associated with ADD. I still can tell you I've heard of a filing cabinet, but use one?? What I'm trying say is that this new perspective was great, but it came with a price. That price was trying to now work on areas of my life that have no easy answer and some of which I'd never really given much thought to. I can't begin to tell you how frustrating that was. I can tell you that at times I did lash out against those around me. Sometimes it was just out of pure frustration and lack of knowing wha to do with it. At other times I think it was due my "seeing" things different now and wanting an instant change and that I expected the same from those around me. Looking back I can see some of this. At that time, it may have been what you're calling bi-polar- I was excited and interested in things being "better" but at the same time I didn't know what to do next or at times even where to start. Please be patient with your wife, and for both your sake don't call her bi-polar. I hope that she is seeking counseling of some sort and not just getting a perscription from a medical doctor. There is so much to it than that. If you haven't I'd suggest that you very seriously educate yourself on ADD. Doing this will help you and if she's open to you being a sort of support coach, great. If she's not at least you'll understand what she's trying to work through which should help you be more patient with some of this. Also, you might want to work some sort of theropy for both of you. Where she can address ADD and with the same or different person the two of you can address your marriage. A marriage doesn't have to be in shambles in order to warrent some theropy, but a in a marriage people have stay on the same page and change together.

Thank You

I really appreciate your thoughts and words and ... it helps clarify some things i've thought and some of the things i'm trying to do. As far as what you suggest ... I agree and I'm really trying most of the above. I am doing what I can to be supportive ... I am reading all I can on ADHD but ... when I try and "talk with her" about it she just gets mad that i'm reading about it and not asking her to tell me about it ... for her if I don't come to her to get information i'm violating some trust and not thinking she knows what she's talking about. I try to get her engaged in learning about it but she is confident she knows all and ... I should just listen to her ... but all of our conversations always center around how capable she is and ... she's got it all figured out. Its hard but i'm still trying. Yes her Adderall is medical prescribed ... we got a refereal for her to see a ADHD expert counseslor/med person but ... after going once she was concinved she knew more and stopped going. Any suggestion from me turned into acusations and I was in trouble again. I'm trying to be patient ... I want to help but ... she seems either scared or unwilling to have the "discovery" that you have had ... and she is so convinced that i'm a terrible husband everything centers on what i'm doing wrong ... it just seems so hopeless to me at times. I will continue to do what you suggest above ... We are also going to marriage counseling but ... she is unsatisfied with it because the counselor won't spend the session telling me how i'm terrible and siding with her ... so thats really not going anyway. I want to help/love/support and i'm still working at it. I really appreciate your above comments. Last question: the "mood swings" seem to always come at night ... when it has started to wear off. Does this ring a bell? Thanks

ADD a touchy subject

Sounds as if the ADD is a touchy subject with your wife, as are the mood swings. But you also have a non-ADD issue here - your wife doesn't seem willing to respect your need to work through this. Perhaps you need to step back from the ADD for a while, and talk with her about your bigger issue - you aren't communicating with each other in a positive way.

Try setting time up to listen to what she is interested in talking about, and then asking for time to talk about your own issues. How would you frame your points if you couldn't use the word ADD? To some people, framing problems in the context of ADD is the same thing as attacking their very core. Her hypersensitivity to her competency may be a sign that this is happening with her. So, okay. Forget the ADD for a moment. What about the fact that she isn't listening to you? What about the fact that she isn't giving you the chance that you feel you need as a couple to work through your issues? Why is she so mad at you?

See what happens when you never, ever mention ADD as part of your conversation and let us know. (This means thinking about your issues outside of ADD - not just reframing your communications.)

Melissa Orlov

I'll Try It ... But ...

Melissa, I'll give that a try ... hopefully it will help. But ... as far as the ADHD thing goes ... I never mention it in the first place. That is a subject I don't touch. So ... hopefully as we work on our communication in general we will get to a point in the future where we can work on other things. The hardest thing is wanted so badly for this to work ... she is so amazing but ... just can't get it together. I want her to succeed and be who I know she is. I really don't know where the anger comes from ... our coucelor is still trying to get her out of her shell to talk. But ... i'll keep trying. You guys are my current ADHD sounding block ... no in an attempt to place blame on my wife and make her feel its her fault ... but in an attempt to understand her and hopefully find a way to help us both. Thanks for everything Bob

your wife

Bob. I have read some of your postings, and it sounds like, my life, my home, and my marriage. I am a 33 yr old divorced once, remarried again (and not very successfully I might add) struggling woman. I would like to give you some kudoes up front though for at least attempting to understand, and work through this with her. And as I am reading, I can see and feel the frustration on your part, but is is very hard in the midst of my own struggle. My second husband and I have had a very tumultous relationship, adn we are still working very hard at it after 6 or 7 years. We have gone to counseling, and in that extensive counseling, after many years of missed diagnosis, it was time for me to look at bi-polar disorder (which is extremely hereditary, and in my family). I was the poster child for adhd growing up, bad grades, spent a lot of time in the priciples office, very distracted, could never finish anyting, but I sure started a lot of things, SOOO many relationships came and went, but couldn't hold on to any of them, and I didn't really care, because it was time for me to move on!!! And the list could go on and on and on.....horrible money manager, almost spent every dime we had a couple of years ago without even realizing it, go weeks at a time without sleeping, will get fanatical about a projects, start them (several) and can't finish one of them because I either get bored with it, or too overwhelmed with it. In sharing all of this with you, my husband was very impatient, ALWAYS reffered to me being bi-polar, and everything boiling down to being MY fault, MY miscommunication, MY mistakes past and present (which quite frankly, I don't need reminded of them, because I WAS THERE!!!) MY impulsivity, MY mismanagement of something.....it makes me angery, resentful, and completely unwilling to budge on anything!!! This is stuff I have had to cope with my entire life, or hide, whichever I could pull off better. And to top it off I have to hear all the things that he THINKS he's better at, and the things he THINKS that he has had to "bail" me out of (another infuriating factor). The truth is my life has been spent always having to look over my shoulder, at what is going to catch up with me, and a lot of times I am completely blindsided, because it is not ever intentional, it's just the pattern of my life. Can you imagine the kind of fear that comes with living that way? And the bad-ass facade that I have EVERYTHING udercontol, and don't need anyone's help, bcause I can figure it all out on my own. I keep wondering, and waiting as to when I will actually feel like an adult? And to boot, I think I am invinsible about 99% of the time, so of course NOTHING is going to EVER happen to me, because I'm ME!! So when that other shoe falls, most of the time, it's a doosie!!! I have the best parents, and they got to a point in my late teens/early 20's they had NO idea what to do with me, and looking back now, I have no idea what could have ever been different, because that is just my life, and I don't know anything different. As frustrated as they were, they were afraid to "cut the strings" because you just never knew what was going to be next. So Bob. It takes a very special person to deal with this. And she can't see it now, but I will appreciate your efforts to understand what is going with her for her . It is not intentional, it is only directed at you out of fear (most likely fear she doesn't want you to see), frustration, and who else can she take it out on? She has probably learned so many facades to everyone outside...that it;'s the people closest to her is the only place she can attempt to be herself, and that is even an effort! Pray for her Bob. Pray for your marriage. God had posted an entire fleet of angels around me in my life. All of what I shared with you is only a glimpse. She hurts, she's angry, she feels out of control in the fact that she probably wants it to go a lot of the way you want it to go, she just doesn't know how, and doesn't realize it. Keep up the good works Bob. I will pray for you too.

learning new skills

thank you to stb616 for your helpful comment. One of the issues for adults diagnosed with ADD is that people expect immediate change...yet there are many things that adults with ADD didn't learn as they were growing up that non-ADD adults take for granted (such as how to keep things organized or reading emotional cues.) Once you start meds, you do have then go through the frustrating process of "catching up" on many of these things.

Melissa Orlov

Effects of Adderall XR

Is your wife also taking some type of anti-depressant medication? When I started Adderall XR, I'd been on Prozac for a few years. After being on AXR for about 6 mos. I thought I might be able to go off the Prozac & tapered myself off of it. After it was out of my system, I began to have some spikes internally when the AXR would start to wear off. It wasn't so much that I was having a panic attack, but I that feeling of clarity leaving me, of confusion taking over, gave me a very panicked, destabilizing feeling. If I couldn't take my medication straight away AND circumstances were such that I was around a lot of commotion, action or stimulation or had to do much thinking AND communicating, I just wanted to scream and run away. If people asked anything of me - - - required anything that added a weight or pressure, I felt like a trapped animal backed into a corner and struggled to not snap at them. Apparently, Prozac has a component that calms anxiety. I went back to my therapist and she prescribed a different medication than Prozac. I went through several anti-depressants (all that made me gain weight) before I found one that didn't cause me to retain pounds. Anyhow, that may be what's occurring. Er . . . and if she has PMS or PMDD symptoms at all, AXR can really transform her. Go back to her Mental Health Provider and check out that anxiety thing. There may be another med that she needs to alleviate that.

No ...

She is not on anything like that ... our counselor once mentioned she thought my wife might have some depression problems and that resulted in a very bad ugly situation. I really don't know for sure ... I'd like her to re-investigate other alternatives in ADHD medication but she has to want to go to the psychitrist in the first place before we can go with this. I am and will remain hopeful. Thank you for the reply!

Bob, NY

I am a 36 year old woman who began taking Vyvanse about 2 months ago for ADHD. Everything was great until about 2 weeks ago when I began to act in ways similar to your wife's 'over-focusing on the negative in a relationship, increasing hostility' . I have been trying to find out if ADHD meds can make PMS or PMDD worse. I will ask my Dr's opinion today. I am going to give the Vyvanse two more weeks, but if my attitude at home does not get better I am ask for a prescription for Wellbutrin. I was on this med, on and off, for years and it seemed to help with my moods, organization, focus etc... in addition to the mood thing going on with me right now, I have to take Klonopin to be able to sleep and am loosing weight I cannot afford to loose. It's a little ridiculous I think to put myself through all this when I survived 36 years without stimulants. Good luck to us both! Elizabeth

Elizabeth

Thanks for the reply ... i'm very interested in what you may find out. I came home last night from work and ... everything was wrong. I didn't do this, I didn't do that, I said this wrong, etc. Its hard to communicate. I also noticed something new the other day; I apologize about 10 times daily for everything (which I shouldn't do but its hard when you are constantly wrong) but ... she never accepts anything ... she never apologizes, it turns into an attack and then re-addessed to me if I ever say anything thats bothering me. I don't understand it but ... would like to. Keep me posted. Thanks Bob

I understand

Hi Bob, I am going through the exact same thing with my husband. We just had a huge fight this morning because of his "irrationality" to most situations. I can't take it anymore. I can't talk to him, he thinks the world is against him and that every thing I do is to spite him and nothing is every good enough. For instance, this morning, it was his turn to do the early morning (5:45 a.m.) wake up with our baby. I heard the baby crying, rolled over and meant to tap him on the shoulder to wake him. I used the back of my hand out of laziness and got his cheek instead of his shoulder. Boy, did that start a fight! He accused me of punching him and told me to never, ever do that again. I tried to explain and apologize, b/c like you, I am always aplogizing for EVERYTHING but it just turned into a huge argument. I threatened to call his therapist because his behaviour has drastically changed. He's so angry all the time, at me, at work, at the kids. I got a phone call first thing when I got to work yelling at me for not picking up my cell phone (which I didn't even hear ringing), then asking if I had called his counselor yet (I hadn't) and asking me if wanted him to check into a motel or into the psych ward since I think he's crazy... this was misinterpreted when I tried to tell him that I think he may have some paranoia side effect from the medication. It's very frustrating. I don't know if I have the right to even call his counselor to discuss this bizarre behavior, which incidentally started a few months ago when the Adderall XR was raised from 20 mg a day to 30 mg a day. Does your wife also "take breaks" from her medication? My husband will take extra during the week and then not take it on the weekends, causing extreme fatigue which we can't afford with 3 little boys. I feel for you and am at a complete loss. Krystina

Baffling ...

Krystina, It is so very hard for me to really figure out what to expect these days. I listen to what you are saying in your sitatuion (sadly with 3 kids) and ... while she has not quite gotten to the extreme anger point your husband is at ... I can see that being a possibility in the years to come and it scares me. Your situation is much worse then mine and ... well ... yeah. She does not take breaks (that I know of), she takes it every day. She is also on 30mg (I think) or it might be 25mg. I've been very careful to never bring up a change but I have gotten her to discuss it from time to time and the possibility of trying something else. She is so baffling to me though. She can be the sweetest sometimes and really treat me sort of nice and then she can be totally obtuse and distant and make me feel like pretty much nothing. But, as you said she never apologizes and, its always my fault. We had a little fight this weekend over the same old stuff and she asked why I was also feeling "unloved" so I relayed a bit about what hurts me and ... instead of listening to me saying what hurts me she got madder at me for "being mean" and "accusing her and stabbing at her" ... so ... how can you possibly fix something w/the other party never hears anything but attacks. Our councelor at least when I talk to her alone is at a loss ... 'im at a loss ... and I don't want to be where you are at (no offense). I have a very strong belief in family and marriage and ... divorce we never an option for me but ... at times I have to think is it fair to bring this onto children down the road. I'm sorry your husband gets so angry ... thats hard.

Taking a Break from Adderall

Your husband should talk with his doctor about the advisability of taking breaks from the Adderall. Many people (my daughter included) find that they can't do that without "withdrawal"-induced emotional swings.

Melissa Orlov

to Elizabeth re: Vyvanse

Elizabeth - I read your posting about being on Vyvanse and noticing increased hostility and over-focusing on the negative. Let me tell you that Vyvanse is a STRONG stimulant. I am a 44 yr old female who was diagnosed late last year with ADD/ADHD and my therapist put me on Vyvanse. I know that I am sensitive to stimulants and I also am a somewhat anxious person, probably due to my undiagnosed ADD until a few months ago. I noticed an increase in anxiety right away but was told it would pass. My therapist kept dosing me higher to 70 mg, the "normal" level. I tried staying with it, as she kept telling me my increased anxiety was "me" not the meds. The anxiousness never passed but got worse and my heartrate zoomed up and stayed there. I went through over 2 months of agony being on this medication and lost almost 25 lbs. THis was the most horrible medication I have ever taken. You may anxiety/hostile feelings may have started long ago, but you are now realizing that this has become a serious issue. I urge you to follow your instincts and try going off the medication if your doctor tries to keep you on it, especially if you cannot afford to lose weight. In 1991, Prozac helped me feel better (I was diagnosed as depressed/anxious at the time), but now I hear that anti-depressents like Prozac does offer help for ADD/ ADHD. Unfortunately for me, it stopped working after a while, and I have tried others that I don't like, but it may work for you. Good luck.....

Vyvanse

My son was put on Vyvanse at the beggining of the school year. He is 10. We have a strong history of bi-polar in our famiy, and watching him is like looking in a mirror. It truely breaks my heart for him, and would like to lessen his challenges to mine as much as possible, and just becomes frustrating to us both. Anyway, I wanted to point out, a lot of times giving an adhd medicine to a person with mood-disorder or bi-polar disorder will exaserbate hostility and aggression. We added sone rispordaol to the vyvance, and it seemed to help at first, and now we are reverting back a little. I myself am wondering about the vyvanse, and am thinking that maybe it is time to switch back to the adderall form. I am sure all of you cam feel the pain of finding "the right combination". It is a very frustrating, time consuming event. Not to menton the various miss diagnosis' just to get to the right one period. I am not there, my son is not there, but we will be, and I just thank GOD, that my son will hopefully have an easier time than I have. God Bless you all, hang in there, and HE has a purpose for us all (because we are all very special!!!)

Klonopin

Hi Elizabeth- I was just given a prescription for Aderall XR and was looking up what I am in for. I read your posting and wanted to share with you that I, too, took Klonopin last year (briefly) for situational anxiety and for a sleep aid. I hated it. I am very sensitive to the effects of drugs and did not like Klonopin. It did nothing for the anxiety and was not that great of a sleep aid. My doctor friend let me try her Lunesta and it is wonderful. No side effects, no hang over feeling or moodiness. Just a very natural sleep without any fogginess in the am. Try loosing the Klon and taking the Lunesta before switching your ADD meds. I hear Vyvance is great.

are you sure she has add??

Sounds like maybe your wife doesn't have ADD there is a very fine line between the symptoms of bipolar disorder and ADD. You should definitely talk to her doctor. I have ADD but was always misdiagnosed growing up with depression and bipolar disorder. Once I finally got a doctor who saw what was going on he put me on Adderall and my life has completely changed for the better. Where I used to snap at people and be nasty at times no more, I am finally calm and can enjoy the quieter times in life... I really think your wife is misdiagnosed. You should really look into it. Good luck

add vs bipolar

Hi there, your advice to this guy caught my attention for two reasons.1. i've been wondering this about myself , what is the fine line between add & bipolar. 2.this gentleman's wife became this way after being married- so is it add?. I've got all the add symptoms and really didn't know what the heck i had been going through all my life. i remember a doctor diagnosing me with add when i was 14 or 15. However my family & I ignored it. Later on after so many failures in all areas of my life i kept going to physicians who said I was depressed(of course i was depressed , i was tired of failing) and 1 say I was bipolar. As an adult now, i noticed my symptoms became severe after I had my first child & of course pms. I just started researching ADD again because it is totally disrupting my life , mommy duties & homemaking ire the worst for me. I know many women go cnuts @home with the kids- but I totally forget there stuff and can't handle all three at the same time.(3kids) It is good they are 4 yrs apart, or else i would've jumped off a cliff.So how do you know this fine line between bipolar & add . I don't trust Doctors very much since they about tell you anything, so any advice would be greatly received.

ADD vs. Bi-Polar

I just read a very good article on just this topic, which I would like to direct you to: "Is It ADHD or Bipolar Disroder?" in ADDitude Magazine's Aug/Sept issue of 2007.

Melissa Orlov

ADD Meds and Marriage

Bob, First of all, let me just say that I sympathize with you 100%. Albeit from a different perspective. I am a man with ADD. I too take Adderall XR 30mg. I find that in the evenings the feelings of frustration from the "overwhelm" will rise to the surface with less restriction. I'm aware of that and I deal with it as best I can. But I don't think the Adderall is your problem here. It sounds like you love your wife very much. But before I address the Adderall question, I need to address this: You. Realize that saying things like "it's all my fault" and "I'm always wrong" soon become your mantra. You need to SERIOUSLY separate yourself from that kind of thinking. It's not healthy. For YOU. Let your wife vent. But don't even repeat those thoughts. Don't let them even enter your mind. Be strong and let them go. Ok. Now on to your question: I really have to agree with Melissa here, you have to SEPARATE yourself from the ADD. You and your wife have a communication problem. A HUGE one! If you approach your wife from that standpoint, and LEAVE THE ADD out of it...I think you'll be more successful. The last thing us ADDers want is someone constantly throwing it up to us. Especially when it deals with our shortcomings. We've had to deal with ADD shortcomings our whole lives. We've had to learn ways to deal with those shortcomings and we've had to learn to hide the ways we deal with them. The last thing your wife needs when she's feeling *useless* is to be told she's useless because of ADD. Think about it this way. Imagine yourself in a wheelchair. Now, imagine how it'd make you feel if you were told by the person who's supposed to love you more than anyone else in the world that you can't cut it. Because you're in a wheelchair. Our relationship problems are your fault because you're in a wheelchair. Let's add to that the fact that we're talking about a woman. No offense ladies, but women aren't wired like men. They're *designed* to be more emotional. They even have hormones in them that us menfolk don't that help them to be more emotional... In my opinion, and it's not really worth much, but it makes sense to me, you don't have an ADD problem. You have a *communication* problem. So, tell your wife you love her, everyday. And set aside some time to talk about *how to talk*. It's my experience that women speak a whole different language than men at times. The hard part is the words sound the same as the ones we use. You have to learn how to translate them as soon as possible or you're never going to understand what she's saying. A good example of this would be when I ask my wife if she likes this or that. She'd say,"It's different". That's her way of saying get out of here with that! No I don't like it! See? It's different translates into something completely different. That's an easy example that most people would pick up on, but I used it to make my point simple. The final thing I'd like to say is this: You're NEWLYWEDS. It takes a couple of years to iron out the kinks. Even if you dated for years, it's just different being married. In summary: 1.) Be strong, don't take the "guilt" she gives out. 2.) Leave ADD out of it for now. (Continue to study about it on your own, don't tell her what you've learned. Just put it into practice.) 3.) Realize you're NEWLY married to a woman who is, by nature, more emotional than you. 4.) You need to learn how to talk to this, the most beautiful, mysterious, wondrous, and pleasurable of God's creation! Good luck to you.

Bob, I have been married for

Bob, I have been married for 10 years to my wonderful husband who was diagnosed with ADHD about 12 years ago. He is currently taking a combination of Adderall and Wellbutrin to help him deal with the ADHD. He has been very succesful and we definately have seen a great side of him. On the mornings that he has forgotten to take his meds I immediately can tell. He is easily aggitated and more tired. I simply say have you taken you meds today? His most common response is "No and I am not going to take them." Although he says that he frequently takes them within minutes of my statement. He knows that he is a nicer person to be around and that his life and mine is easier. You will learn that if you want you marriage to work you need to be patient and allow her time to think. I find that it is easier to say my peace and walk away instead of argue an issue. With in hours sometimes minutes he has cleared his head and thought clearly enough to not respond with out anger but more or less common sense. You will see this is hard going but if you keep with it and get yourself educated about what is really happening inside of her you will start to see glimpses of that person you new before being married. It will only get better with time. Just be supportive and loving and extremely patient. Best of luck.

Hello Bob and Krystina, I

Hello Bob and Krystina, I am going through a very familiar situation with my husband and i just related it today to our problems. My husband is not my husband anymore, he is always angry at me, he does not sleep everynight and he is very irritable at times and i am the one to blame all the time. Now I realize this all started all about the time he started taking Adderall. I starting searching the web to see the signs of addiction and the more I read the more I realize this may be the cause. I love my husband very much and like bob I don't believe in divorce and will support and fight to get the husband I know back. But the question is what do I do? Am i enabling him by the things I do? I have always been told an addict needs to want to get help themselves and no one can tell them otherwise. He is depressed and is not proud of himself. He carries so much guilt and it has gotten so bad that now he is lying to me, which the husband i married would never disrespect me like that. I have contemplated talking to his dr. but not sure if that is the route to take and I dont' know if talking to him will help. He is always angry with me and says I have changed and he is pulling away from me. I don't have the answer but prayer so that God will guide him, patience ofa saint, continued support, alot of love, and I UNDERSTAND what you are going through! A patient wife

Effects of Adderall

Adderall can affect the taker's mood. Rather than calling your husband's doctor, which would be an act of disrespect, encourage him to talk with his doctor about these side effects.

There are two things he needs to know. First: these medications can have "sneaky" side effects, such as mood change that most people don't associate with taking meds. (This goes both ways, by the way, the mood changes can be positive as well as negative.) Your husband should take into account your opinion about his moods and at least investigate whether a different medication might work better for him.

Second: He is likely correct that you are changing, as well. It is virtually impossible to keep from getting hostile when someone is angry with you all the time and behaving in a very confusing fashion. Admit your own complicity, and point out that consulting his doctor could make his life better by 2 - he might find a med that agrees with him better AND, by helping alleviate his anger and mood swings, helps take the pressure off you so you won't respond to him so negatively. Ask him to help you change back to who you were, too.

Finally, depression needs to be treated. Keep at it, and don't give up!

Melissa Orlov

Melissa, Thank you! I see

Melissa, Thank you! I see your point and thank you for pointing out the obvious that we both play a part in this. He just went to the DR. yesterday for his regular appt. and he switched it from every 3 months every month. I asked him if everythng was allright and he said yes. I really wish my husband would be the man i know. I will try to communicate when he I see that he is open to it and not at a moment of aggresion which sometimes makes it very hard. I am trying to tackle one thing at a time. I will say that when he got home yesterday, he was more himself then he has been in a long time. I love him and I God believes in us and our marriage. Can your recommend any books that would provide me more information and some guidance in this area? Thank you! A patient wife

books

Dr. Hallowell's books on ADHD are very good. Also, you might think about Dare to Forgive, which helps people let go of anger, I think.

I'm working on finding a really good book about communication - or else will write one myself. If I find one, I'll post it. Maybe others have some ideas?

Melissa Orlov

Adderall XR & mood

I have been taking Adderall XR for about six months and I can say it definitely affects my mood. I seem to build up a tolerance to it about every 6-8 weeks and become very irritable, agitated and/or depressed. Thankfully, my wife has learned to recognize this pattern and will bring it to my attention because I am completely unaware that I am acting this way. My point is that your spouse is NOT a different person,.they are the SAME person you fell in love with and married - just under the influence of a drug that can negatively affect their mood. (Not an excuse...but a powerful explanation). IMHO, the key is for BOTH of you to recognize the affect of the medication so you can both (hopefully) learn how to react/respond in a way that doesn’t make it worse. In our situation, I will typically begin to experience erratic mood swings (good and bad) which tips my wife off that I'm not acting normal. If I lash out at her or start being too negative, she will tell me "I think your meds are adversely affecting you right now" which signals me to pay more attention to my mood. Again, without her telling me I would be oblivious. The first few times this happened I would argue with her that it wasn't me, it was her, but now I know that it is actually me (or, more accurately, the Adderall’s affect on me). At the time, though, it doesn't feel like it is. She has learned that I'm not in a normal state of mind at that time so it's counterproductive to argue with me - she just walks away. Later, when I'm feeling more myself I can look back and see that it was indeed the meds and, if necessary, apologize to my wife. Now I just trust that if she says I'm acting cranky or sad it's probably the meds. This depersonalizes the situation and makes it less volatile for everyone. I can't express strongly enough to those reading this who are dealing with a spouse with ADHD on these types of meds that this stuff can make someone act in ways that they otherwise wouldn't. The only parallel I can draw is being drunk. When someone’s drunk they behave very differently. They've not fundamentally changed, they're just in a compromised state of mind. If you recognize someone is drunk, you treat them differently don't you?. You don't expect that they will be rational and you tend to cut them some slack because you understand that their impaired at that moment. What makes these medications (and ADHD in general) so insidious is that it doesn't give you the obvious signals that, for example, being drunk does so it's MUCH more difficult to recognize. Again, I'm not trying to excuse anyone from taking responsibility for their actions, just trying to add some insight to help those who are struggling. I think this is the crux of the ADHD relationship issue. There is a third party in your relationship - the ADHD. It affects BOTH people and BOTH people need to help keep it in check (I know you may feel like you're getting the short end of the stick, but trust me you're NOT!) Like ADHD itself, the meds contribute both positive and negative. Understanding how BOTH affect EACH person is, IMO, the key to not letting it destroy your relationship. I believe the persistence and dedication of couples in ADHD relationships is because they know the relationship will work if they can just crack the code. I hope some of this can aid you in that process. When you figure it out, will you please let the rest of us know! I appreciate everyone’s contributions to this shared journey. Kevin

37 yr. old woman on Adderall XR

Hi Bob - I just wanted to comment on your question too. I was diagnosed with ADD over two years ago and now take Adderall XR. I really believe it helps me, but I've noticed if I take it at the usual time in the morning (btwn 7-8 am), by 4 o'clock I sometimes get a headache and then my ADD symptoms seem to come back two-fold. I'm really irritable, cranky and i'm sure not a whole lot of fun for my family (husband and two little kids) to live with. I've been doing a lot of reading about Adderall XR and it's typical for the ADD symptoms to come back worse when the medication starts wearing off for the day. I hope your wife can find something that works for her. Maybe she just needs a shorter acting Adderall in the afternoon to keep her going into the late afternoon/evening without the rebound effects. trying to find the right medications can be a real pain in the butt. I've also noticed that if I exersize at least 4 days a week (jogging) - it really helps bring me back to a more level and focused state. Food is super important too - have you ever checked into the Radiant Recovery program? It's about eating correctly to balance your blood sugar levels and moods and it really helps me and my 7 year old daughter. It's mostly about cutting out most refined sugars, and really making a serious effort to get complex carbohydrates and proteins along with a veggie in everymeal. Also, Omega3's - a high quality fish oil has helped too (I use OmegaBrite, and no, i don't work for the company - a doctor recommended it to me). good luck Bob. I'm sure there's been many times where my husband would want to run and hide in a cave because of my ups and downs with ADD, anxiety and the mental health system in our country. Make sure she has a psychiatrist she can trust and one that sees her for more than 10 minutes at a time (I call that "corporate medicine") when the almightly dollar is more important than really getting to know the patient. It's a sad truth in our country.

Adderall XR

I am a 33 year old woman who also takes Adderall XR. I take 30 mg in the morning but also noticed that it wears off in the early afternoon depending upon what time I get up that morning. My doc gave me a second prescription for a short acting adderal and I take 2 to 3 5mg tablets about a half hour before I estimate the morning dose will wear off. This has helped a lot with the mood swings in the afternoon. It was hard on my family because I was especially irritable about the time I go get my kids and head home for dinner and evening routine stuff. I want to keep the afternoon dose low so it I don't have even more trouble going to bed (but that is another topic completly).

Forum topic: Aderall XR?

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