Forum topic: Fears About The Future

Mon Aug 17th, 2015 - 11:51am by Wife To Be

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I have been engaged to my amazing partner for 2 years now and he has always been honest about the anger that comes with his ADHD and I have tried to increase my knowledge by reading these forums and any information i can find regarding untreated ADHD in adults. finding this site has been a godsend because i was recently thinking i should leave him because i felt neglected, unloved and more often then not a parent to him.

However, i know he gets angry because of the ADHD but it seems like he is always angry, like every breath i take near his area at home will send him off the deep end. Please someone tell me this gets better, i really need to know that with time a patience he can get a handle on his anger and stop making me feel like i am walking on egg shells.

Any Advice Please... 

Comments

Submitted by ChrisChris on Wed Aug 19th, 2015 - 1:44pm

I can also attest that the anger will GET WORSE. If you're walking on eggshells now, imagine the next ten years of your life. Does it really make a difference that he has been upfront about his ADHD and anger issues? Disclosure doesn't absolve him of responsibility for unacceptable behavior. My advice is - if he isn't able to work on his ADHD to where he can achieve 6 months of acceptable human behavior - run. Run and don't look back. 

Submitted by Wife To Be on Thu Aug 20th, 2015 - 6:49am

I do see what your saying but the weird thing is we have been together or close to 5 years and we have only just started to have these major issues... i even thought that maybe he was trying to get me to leave him. I know it sounds like an excuse but when its good its AMAZING and I honestly feel like I must have died and gone to heaven to have someone so great. He is currently not being treated for ADHD and I do believe that I sometimes cause the initial problem. I have spent my entire adult life with this man and I have to believe that if I really love him I will hold on to the good and work through the bad and maybe we can work... right?

Submitted by overwhelmedwife on Thu Aug 20th, 2015 - 12:59pm

<<<

but it seems like he is always angry, like every breath i take near his area at home will send him off the deep end. 

>>>

 

And that is why.

 

When I first met my H's parents, I sensed that something wasn't right, but I didn't yet know what.  I couldn't understand why they didn't seem to "act like a family" in the functional ways that I saw my very large extended family function.

 

Now I painfully know why.

 

The energy that H's anger saps out of me is immeasurable.   The TIME that I have to spend dealing with his anger wastes the time that I could be more productive dealing with other household or child issues.

 

The dark cloud that lingers over the household affects everything.  I can't even list all of the negative ramifications.

 

 

Submitted by Wife To Be on Fri Aug 21st, 2015 - 4:18am

Because for a long time he had a handle on it all I think what made it worse was we used to live with his mum and that was his routine and then we got our own place and it was new surroundings a new routine as I got a new job with different working hours. This is why I belive that he can get a handle on it again I just worry that I'm pushing him to adapt to everything to quickly. It sounds silly but I've never known anyone with ADHD before so I sometimes wonder if he plays on the symptoms to get his own way, the way a child would say they feel sick to stay home from school and when I call him out on it I think maybe I hurt him without realising... does this make sense? Do people with ADHD sometimes act out just to get their own way?

Submitted by overwhelmedwife on Fri Aug 21st, 2015 - 10:29am

Yes, I do think that those who are mentally-unhealthy and who are often immature as well, "use" their situation to get their own way, to excuse bad behaviors, and to make people feel sorry for them.