Forum topic: Valentine's Day

Sun Feb 14th, 2016 - 1:38pm by PoisonIvy

Forum: 
Anger, Frustration & ADHD

The day on which, because I'm "the best thing that ever happened" to my spouse (his words, more than once), he does nothing to signal his affection for me.  Oh, wait, that's every day.  He never signals his affection for "the best thing that ever happened" to him.

Comments

I'm So Exhausted's picture

Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on Mon Feb 15th, 2016 - 12:04am

I am so sorry this is what you have to ponder over on Valentine's Day.

 

Liz

*******I have recently seen a lady looking back at me from the mirror - and I said, "Hello friend. Long time no see!""*******

Submitted by I-have-adhd on Mon Feb 15th, 2016 - 10:08am

I am so sorry you had a bad day :( I'm on the other end, I have adhd and got my wife the wrong things and didn't try enough.   I can only assume you love your husband dearly, as I do my wife...   I hope you get things worked out and enjoy holidays with your hubby.  Valentines is a time for love and being thankful, so many just don't get it.   I hope the best for you

Submitted by overwhelmedwife on Tue Feb 16th, 2016 - 1:24am

Since you're divorcing your husband, Valentine's Day probably has touched that painful realization that your H never "walked the walk."  It's easy to say that someone is the best thing that ever happened to them, and it's another to actually show that.

 

My H says stuff like that all the time, but does that ever translate into:  presents or flowers on my special days?  Rarely....and I mean RARELY.  

 

I don't believe that ADHD people are "too nervous" to know what to buy so they don't.  BS.  When we were dating, and H was trying to "win me," he had no trouble buying gifts, etc.  But, the reality is....he's too self-centered to continue to do so once the "winning" has occurred.

 

So, V Day probably was just another painful reminder of how you've been overlooked all these years.   So sorry.  You've deserved better. 

Submitted by CosmicJoke on Mon Feb 22nd, 2016 - 1:04pm

Well, not "endless"--I don't get to be the crazy one. But Valentine's Day, Taxes, the constant debate about whether to divorce, the latest hurtful/oblivious action that makes breathing difficult...and suddenly I'm listening to Shawn Colvin's Get Out of This House as I mop up after the latest crisis:

Go jump in the lake, go ride up the hill

Get out of this house

It's a house of your making, it's a house of ill will

Get out of this house

Go listen to Buddha, go listen to Joe

Get out of this house

If anyone asks, you tell them you don't know

Get out of this house

I spent 11 long years in a hothouse zone

I spent 29 more trying to get home

Well, I never got home, but I did what I did

And I got myself this house, and you can't come in, oh

Yeah Get out of this house

Get out of this house

I'm the queen of my castle, I'm the king of my room

Get out, get out of this house

I got more than I need, more than I ever could use

Get out, get out of this house

I spent 17 years trying to save my soul I spent 23 more down in the hole

Now my soul is all right, but I might get found out And I got myself this house now, and I can't get ou-out

​ Get out of this house

Get out of this house

If I see you again, it will be in my head at the end of a cloud

If you see me again, it will be in your head telling you to get out

You act like a baby, you talk like a fool

Get out of this house

Go back to your mama, go back to high school

Get out of this house

Go jump in the lake, go jump out the door

Get out, get out of this house

I've had all I can stand, and I can't stand no more

Get out, get out of this house

Get out of this house

Submitted by alrightypewriter on Tue Feb 23rd, 2016 - 1:40am

I'm sorry Rosered. That's the kind of thing we non-ADHD partners have grown accustomed to. I tried to take the high road and just ask for a card, no presents, no flowers. My partner and I are doing long distance right now so I thought, hey you live right next to a Hallmark store. You got this! Nope. Forgot all about it. Got upset at me when he called to ask if it was okay if I got the card AFTER Valentines, to which I said I could not make a decision for him. It's hard when they can't acknowledge special occasions. I hope your spouse at least apologized that he forgot...

Submitted by meiohsetsuna on Sun Feb 28th, 2016 - 10:36pm

I'm newly registered to this site, but have lurked about for awhile. I'm also an adhd newlywed. My husband is the same - he hardly thinks of me and I usually kick up a fuss. I had the worst holidays of my life this year. Handed him a Christmas present on Christmas, "Oh. Was I supposed to get you something?" (He then ran to the store that evening and tried to amend his ways by buying me an expensive gift that only upset me because of the waste of money...) New Year's we slept in separate rooms because I was upset. Followed by my birthday in January - he didn't even say "Happy Birthday", and again tried to run off and buy an expensive last minute gift. Valentine's Day was crushed with, "Valentine's is not my thing." And just yesterday we got into a fight because I was tired of 1-sided sloppy sex. His response? "Sex is about ME." I was nearly ready to ask for a divorce on the basis of that sentence alone! I know he loves me. He just doesn't express it in a way I would like. And I really hate how that sounds like the excuse a woman of abuse would make. But when does is actually become abuse? Here's to hoping that one day my H will understand that visiting a doctor would really be the best gift he could possibly give.