Will I Survive This? | ADHD and Marriage

Forum:

Again, I'm in such inner distress it seems my heart & mind are about to explode. I (non-ADHD) have been married for over 2 decades (spouse ADHD). It seems what's going on now is much worse than it was 7 years ago. At that time I'd left the state (twice) and moved 800 miles away. There was no way I wanted to be around my spouse. Now, I feel so foolish for returning. I've been back for a few years. WHY did I believe him?

Oh my! I'm overwhelmed just trying to express what I'm experiencing. Perhaps, it's due to the fact my spouse IS a therapist and I'm so scared. I've also come to realize the meaning of 'gaslighting'. How should I begin to write down what taking place in order to get some help?

Elena

Comments

Hugs, Elena

I recently left my ADHD spouse of 20 years and I know exactly what you're going through. Please don't feel bad for believing him. I did that too. We see the best in people and we WANT the marriage to work out so badly.

I'm sorry you were out at one time and perhaps want to be out again. Maybe there is more going on than just ADHD if he is a therapist. He may be skilled in using words to keep you hoping or keep you doubting yourself. That would add an extra layer. I would recommend that you believe that inner voice that is screaming out to you that things are not okay. If you think you are being manipulated... or that you're unable to cope anymore... or that you're sinking into depression... you probably are. It is very difficult to see when you are in it so believe your body and believe that tiny voice. I agree with your idea of writing things down. I did that. At first I just wrote down whenever ADHD would impact our relationship or my life negatively. And then I started keeping a true, unbiased journal of every day's events that I could read it back with a fresh perspective. When I read it back after some time, I could so clearly see that my life was a mess. Ask yourself what advice you would give to a friend in your situation... whatever that advice is... that's probably what you should do!

And make sure you reach out to anyone in your life who can help and support you. I know no one actually understands, but they will love you and help you. Getting your own therapist, with your best interests in mind, could be helpful.

So glad you posted here. There are so many people here in your situation, some still with their partners and some not, who have been here for me when no one else understood. We get it and are here for you.

Thank You 1Melody1

1Melody1

Only now (10/17) did I get back online & read your most welcome reply. Reading your words was such a blessing. Saying "Thank You" doesn't begin to express my gratitude. I don't have very much free time right now & recognize my response won't be as detailed as I need to share. To say I feel crushed is an understatement. The things I get 'blamed' for are beyond ridiculous. They make no logical sense at all. However, the depth of despair has hit a new low.

Please, understand that I need to share so much more, yet, am very aware of my limited free time. There are significant physical challenges that have severely limited what I'm able to do...including driving. There are no family members within several hundred miles.

With Gratitude

Elena

is he treated what are the

is he treated what are the things you have trouble with his adhd

SamBamiteko_

I deeply appreciate your reply. My free time is extremely limited. There is so much more I want to share & recognize it will take considerable time to do so. The sensation of being 'crushed' has not abated..yet. Only now (10/17) was I able to get online & read your reply. The idea that you took the time to reply was a huge blessing & deeply appreciated. Hopefully the free time I need will come. I surely need it. Thank you for being there

With Deep Appreciation

Elena