Forum topic: Energy drain

Mon Dec 30th, 2024 - 4:49am by Haveaniceday

Communication with ADHD

I was wondering if anyone else can  relate? I have an intense feeling of my energy draining away when I am around my Inattentive ADD husband. Or sometimes I have the feeling that I can't breathe, like there is no air in the room. I feel more balanced when we are not in the same physical space, and dadly when he travels i feel my energy tank slowly refilling. He has crushingly low self esteem, and has needed me to prop him up a lot, and since I'm so exhausted and burnt out I have retreated a lot emotionally to save myself. But I feel when I am around him that his energy literally is a void that mine gets pulled into. It's a bizarre feeling, but getting stronger and stronger all the time. Am I crazy?

Comments

Submitted by J on Mon Dec 30th, 2024 - 8:14am

Not being able to communicate your needs or emotions to someone who either: doesn't want to hear it, doesn't care, or just stops the conversation before it gets very far ( or it starts a conflict if you do ) will make me feel this way. If you can't express it, it has to go somewhere?

Submitted by Swedish coast on Mon Dec 30th, 2024 - 8:51am

This is exactly what I've felt too

The ADD lack of initiative, the depression and anxiety all resulted in me feeling I needed to do something, or else all of our family's lives would be wasted. This constant pull at my nervous system never allowed any relaxation. Hence exhaustion.

Submitted by J on Mon Dec 30th, 2024 - 9:51am

Can also cause these symptoms.  I'm experiencing burnout currently from the Christmas season and I'm recognizing the symptoms. Being on antidepressants and amphetamine can also mask the symptoms as well. Not taking my meds yesterday morning caused me to crash, and feeling the brunt of what lies underneath. 

Causes:

Unmanageable workloads
Unfair treatment at work
Confusing work responsibilities
Lack of communication or support from
managers
Immense deadline pressure
Too much work, not enough time to rest
(downtime)
A feeling that work or life is out of your
control
Feeling unrecognized or unrewarded
Work or responsibilities that feel too
demanding
Boring or routine work, or chaotic or
high-stress work
Taking on too much without asking for
help
Lack of sleep

Few supportive or meaningful
relationships
Personality traits such as perfectionism,
pessimism, and a need for control

I can personally check off most of this list. 

 

Submitted by c ur self on Mon Dec 30th, 2024 - 1:59pm

Do you think it could be anxiety?....From day one, there was always a lack of connection w/us, which sponsored an uneasiness in me...I could never relax, everything in me had to be flowing out to her...With little to nothing flowing back...I was focused on (hyper) while we dated, and maybe six month after the vows...It's been mentally and emotionally draining...

c

Submitted by Swedish coast on Mon Dec 30th, 2024 - 2:22pm

C, I agree from my experience at least. Anxiety from feeling helpless and still responsible for everything...

Submitted by c ur self on Mon Dec 30th, 2024 - 2:37pm

I watched her play her life away, w/ no concern for how she left any room in the house, Eat, play, TV, little to no thought of what she left in her wake, for the family to deal with..(Me), and no thought of my needs.....I was in shock most of the time....Anxiety and Stress has been my closest companions....

Submitted by Swedish coast on Mon Dec 30th, 2024 - 4:56pm

I'm so sad today about this senseless waste of life. I never could see the whole picture until after divorce. Then it all showed itself, the slow loss of everything I cared about during the ADHD marriage. The people. The dreams and hopes. My confidence. I feel life has been ruined. There's a new year coming but I have no anticipation.

Why did we subject ourselves to this for so long..?

Submitted by c ur self on Fri Jan 3rd, 2025 - 9:13pm

I was married 30 years to a meek, super sweet girl, who's favorite place was by my side...( she passed away)....I had no clue how to deal w/ my current wife once the hyper focus turned off (like turning off a water spiket)...I was hurt and lonely, I have always liked closeness and intimacy...So I got angry...Pointed out the uncaring life she was living...I finally got over my anger and just turned to acceptance....If she was living it was going to be this way!...So w/ acceptance and boundaries we muddled through year after year like two ships passing in the night...Also I allowed myself to be controlled by occasional sex, even though it was dysfunctional and one sided as for as love and desire was concerned...But most of all I love God, I am His child, so there has always been a spirit of love and long suffering in me...But she over time has drawn away more and more, and has lived in the guest room for 4 years now...I stayed (loving and praying) hoping she would see her self, and change (not in mind, but in heart)...I've never heard many words of self awareness come out of her mouth...Very few....

So here I am...She's finally starting to move a lot of stuff...I trying to stay out of her way...

Bless you Swedish Coast...I hope w/each passing day you will find more and more peace...Life really isn't wasted when we are being loving and responsible to our vows...We can do us, and will only answer for us...We have to (at some point) stop concerning ourselves w/ other's thinking and life choices...Our own is enough of a daily burden to bear...

Maybe one day I will find a friend and come visit Sweden...I bet it's beautiful...:)

c

Submitted by Swedish coast on Sat Jan 4th, 2025 - 3:31am

I shouldn’t try to speak for anyone else. 

You’re right, as long as we’ve lived with loving intent and done our best, time hasn’t been wasted. 

All the best to you.