My wife decided a few months ago that she was going to finally talk to her doctor about medication for her ADHD. Well, that doc was the one that diagnosed my wife well over a year ago, but has since left the practice. This past summer, my wife saw her new primary doc, which was the PA of the old doc. When my wife asked about ADHD meds, the new doc asked if she had been tested, my wife says yes. The new doc asks if she's been really tested with a referral... She hadn't. So, my wife meets with a psychologist or similar specialist and she gives her an interview style test, a written test, and a survey for me to fill out. My wife absolutely hated the whole thing. Well, the results came in a few months ago - anxiety, not ADHD. Honestly, I call BS. The survey I completed had no reference to the piles all over our house, the inability to fully communicate, or managing plans. The specialist called me to go over the results as well and I reluctantly agreed that the focus be on anxiety first, with cognitive behavioral therapy, followed by the ADHD.
The more time goes by, the more concern I have that her issues aren't going to be addressed, and I am going to continue to have way too many things to manage... However, I can't relate to the anxiety or the ADHD to even begin to comprehend how they can be related and how to fix it.
Lately, the biggest irritation, is my wife will tell me her plans for something and she leaves out key details or parts of the timeline. I retain what she tells me and that's what I have to go by- only to be criticized when I ask why, or how she's going to accomplish things in that order. I recite what she told me and she'll say something like- that's not what I said, or that's not what I meant... But, I actually retain things verbatim, so I know what was said with absolute certainty.
I fear my patience for ADHD and anxiety won't last long enough for issues to be corrected. Our abysmal love life is a whole other severely frustrating situation full of talk not matching actions.
I really feel for you, ive
Submitted by AG on
I really feel for you, ive been here! This is extremely frustrating- beyond words. I'd go find another provider if possible. My husband was wrongfully diagnosed with anxiety at first, and treated with anxiety/ depression meds for months- (by a PA from primary doc office). Nightmare!
18 months later He ended up getting a full workup with an ADHD specialist and an official diagnosis
He still wants to use his primary Dr (a different one now) for his ADHD medication management but here's where we disagree- he also does have OCD - some obsessive thoughts and distorted thinking, and a component of anxiety- I get this. I think just being on a stimulant makes it worse for him. That's where we are now. I do see his anxiety/ OCD come out more than ADHD currently.
I think he might benefit from another medication for the anxiety/ OCD component but wish he could find a psychiatrist to manage this instead of his primary doc.
This is such a rough road. I'm sorry you are going through it.
Adding from original post ....The underlying ADHD needs to be in the picture though! Ideally the ADHD and anxiety need to be identified and treated (whether or not medically/ medicine) there is such a lack of knowledge for adult adhd among providers and the population in general but I think it's improving.
Was she giving correct answers?
Submitted by Swedish coast on
I'm sorry you've had this experience.
My family members have been evaluated for ADHD by a specialist pair (psychiatrist and psychologist). It's been friendly and very professional. My child wasn't upset. My ex husband wasn't comfortable, but I believe he still answered everything truthfully.
What I don't know is whether a person who wants to avoid an ADHD diagnosis can bend the results by their answers on the questionnaires and interview. Is it possible your wife wanted to downplay her symptoms, or perhaps is not aware enough of them to give correct answers?
Here parents (even of adults) answer questions from the psychologist since symptoms have to be present by age 12 for diagnosis. For a child, teachers contribute, and I believe my ex husband's boss also was asked to participate.
My ex husband stated anxiety was his most upsetting symptom, and we believed it emanated from ADHD.
Whatever causes it, I guess if treatment lacks or takes too long, many non-ADHD partners decide they can't live with the symptoms anymore.
Find another Dr
Submitted by adhd32 on
I have found with today's medical community you have to push for answers. I moved to the south from a big northeastern city and the medical care here is barely adequate. Wrong diagnosis at urgent care caused hubs a 3 day hospitalization, for example. I had an issue and 5 different specialist visits later to finally get answers and ultimately surgery. We encounter dismissive, irritated Drs who don't listen and discount your intelligence even though they know nothing about you. You know something is wrong, particularly since adhd was diagnosed.
Find a different Dr. While my son was in college he saw a psychiatrist who was also a professor at a prestigious NE university. Son was struggling with adhd symptoms but was undiagnosed. She misdiagnosed him even though his adhd symptoms were quite obvious. Maybe she didn't want to prescribe stimulants to a college kid? Who knows? When he changed doctors after graduation he was finally properly diagnosed and treated.
Try Learning Conversations
Submitted by J on
Hi WildBill,
As far as the communication part you mentioned, I've found learning conversations are extremely helpful. Melissa was the first person who introduced them to me and they work, not just with an ADHD partner but with everyone. I use them all the time now and they're becoming a natural part of my communication repertoire. They work specifically to find mispoken words that a person doesn't realize they've said. I do that a lot myself and catch myself saying them quite often. If someone tells me I've done it, I pretty much believe them right away. It's why I think I might be a little dyslexic because I'll actually say the opposite word of the one I meant to say: North being South, right being left etc. As a kid, people use to say : "no your other right hand" a lot. Lol
As far as anxiety and ADHD. I noticed my anxiety, and all the problems that go with it, long before I was diagnosed with ADHD. It's pretty hard not to notice. They can definitely go together including the depression component for me.
Also, being a man / boy with ADHD...it was also a lot easier to see...especially when I was a boy ( the hyperactive part ). As I understand it, with women/ girls it's not as easy to see because the way it's externalized.