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juliejay, that would make me sick, too. My situation is not exactly the same, but there are some similarities. My husband has been unemployed and underemployed for much of our marriage, but he did have a really good job for several years, and we were able to sock away a lot of money (I say "we" because even though it wasn't my job, I am very frugal). Also, he built up a good state pension. So anyway, now he's 59 1/2, he could tap his IRAs without penalty, he could start taking his pension, and he hasn't. OK, so that's understandable. I mean, people often wait to take their retirement money as long as possible. But he has said to me a few times, knowing that I know how much money he has in retirement funds, "I don't have any money!" Really? And if he really does think that, why isn't he busting his ass to make more money?
Thank you, Rosered, for responding...you're one of the more experienced ladies I was referring to...you and Jennalemon and I'm So Exhausted really do inspire me to hang in there with y'alls posts....
i'm sorry, but i felt extremely guilty and a little scared if he ever found out, so i deleted the original post. thank you again for responding!
I didn't get to read your post. After the first few posts I made when I found this forum over 3 years ago, I felt so guilty that I had let my feelings escape into the printed words on a computer screen, I went and deleted them.
LOL, now I wish I hadn't. It probably was a fair amount of internal pain that flowed out in my words. Cathartic.
I was so afraid my spouse would see it - and yet it was never anything that I hadn't already tried to explain to him in a variety of different ways, through around a dozen different counselors.
My spouse does not use the computer very much. He can use Google, and he can search for stuff on E-Bay. He doesn't e-mail. He doesn't participate in this forum.
I guess my own paradigm of our situation has evolved from "How can I get him to stop doing. . . ." to "How can I get myself to get out of this intolerable situation. What WILL it take?"
For me, the last strand of thread that is connecting me here is the plain and simple fact that I do not want to have to get a full time job and support myself. I am 54. Everything we have is used as collateral for debt, so even if we did go our separate ways, there would be nothing left. We just - once again - used our house as equity to consolidate our debt. So, I am not only 54, but I have a brand new $135,000.00 mortgage, no savings, no retirement accounts, and a variety of additional debt.
I am not feeling really happy about the 10,000 dollars I have accumulated in college loans over the past 3 years. I do not really want to be jump starting a career - but I am looking out for myself. I am mourning the bitter disappointment in being at this place at this time of my life.
juliejay, that would make me
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
juliejay, that would make me sick, too. My situation is not exactly the same, but there are some similarities. My husband has been unemployed and underemployed for much of our marriage, but he did have a really good job for several years, and we were able to sock away a lot of money (I say "we" because even though it wasn't my job, I am very frugal). Also, he built up a good state pension. So anyway, now he's 59 1/2, he could tap his IRAs without penalty, he could start taking his pension, and he hasn't. OK, so that's understandable. I mean, people often wait to take their retirement money as long as possible. But he has said to me a few times, knowing that I know how much money he has in retirement funds, "I don't have any money!" Really? And if he really does think that, why isn't he busting his ass to make more money?
I feel your pain, more than I wish I did.
don't get me started on the poor mouthing....
Submitted by julie jay on
Thank you, Rosered, for responding...you're one of the more experienced ladies I was referring to...you and Jennalemon and I'm So Exhausted really do inspire me to hang in there with y'alls posts....
i'm sorry, but i felt extremely guilty and a little scared if he ever found out, so i deleted the original post. thank you again for responding!
xoxo
julie jay
We each gotta do what we gotta do
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
julie jay,
I didn't get to read your post. After the first few posts I made when I found this forum over 3 years ago, I felt so guilty that I had let my feelings escape into the printed words on a computer screen, I went and deleted them.
LOL, now I wish I hadn't. It probably was a fair amount of internal pain that flowed out in my words. Cathartic.
I was so afraid my spouse would see it - and yet it was never anything that I hadn't already tried to explain to him in a variety of different ways, through around a dozen different counselors.
My spouse does not use the computer very much. He can use Google, and he can search for stuff on E-Bay. He doesn't e-mail. He doesn't participate in this forum.
I guess my own paradigm of our situation has evolved from "How can I get him to stop doing. . . ." to "How can I get myself to get out of this intolerable situation. What WILL it take?"
For me, the last strand of thread that is connecting me here is the plain and simple fact that I do not want to have to get a full time job and support myself. I am 54. Everything we have is used as collateral for debt, so even if we did go our separate ways, there would be nothing left. We just - once again - used our house as equity to consolidate our debt. So, I am not only 54, but I have a brand new $135,000.00 mortgage, no savings, no retirement accounts, and a variety of additional debt.
I am not feeling really happy about the 10,000 dollars I have accumulated in college loans over the past 3 years. I do not really want to be jump starting a career - but I am looking out for myself. I am mourning the bitter disappointment in being at this place at this time of my life.