So I just got a phone call from my son's doctor. He had an appointment this evening that we missed. Why, you may ask, did we miss it?? Because DH made the appointment and did not tell me, did not put it on the google family calendar OR on the white board calendar on the kitchen wall so literally NO ONE knew about it but him and HE is out of town. Now, is it the end of the world? No. But for gods sake--we have tools to use WHY WON'T HE USE THEM. The google calendar--what could be easier??? It is accessible by phone and laptop AND tablet. For a LONG time, DH wouldn't even put it on his phone. Again, WHY?? Why not use the tools available to you?? I put everything on that google calendar BUT I have it color coded so I can see my stuff, the kids stuff and my work stuff but only the kids stuff shows up on the family calendar. Even without ADHD, that would be a lot to wade through to find the activities that directly involve you. I keep the three calendars for myself on the same calendar but color coded. All DH has to do is refer to and very very occasionally add something to the family calendar. What is hard about that?? As I type this I am thinking about that shame blog post that Melissa wrote, how if we call out the ADHD person for forgetting something they only get defensive and they feel shamed. So what, I say nothing? I ask why he did not put it on the calendar and he got defensive and just say, okay--I forgot--my fault. That's it. It really bugs me and he thinks it's not that big of a deal.
So stupid. Why not use the tools you have available to you????
I think a little bit of shame
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
I think a little bit of shame can go a long way! Lol
I'm not talking about real berating demeaning shaming. But certainly a discussion about the screw up. I have mentioned many times that my H's mother NEVER corrected anything her kids did wrong...EVER. And, I am not exaggerating. I think that if she had done some (loving) reprimanding that including some teaching and training, then H would be a lot better off today.
Of course you need to say something to your H about the missed appt and WHY it was missed. The point to make is that if he's going to make an appt and not put it on the calendar, then he's essentially agreeing that HE ALONE will be responsible for remembering and taking the child to his appt. Right? How can he argue with that? Then make the point that since he's human and unable to simply remember these appts, what method does he want to use to ensure that this doesn't happen again.
WHY!
Submitted by c ur self on
The WHY question has cost me much lost sleep; beautiful days w/ tons of potential flushed down the toilet, irregular heart beats; fights and arguments; anger and bitterness, lack of closeness and on and on and on....At what point do we stop asking Why?? I'm learning to work around that question:)
Besides, you talking about adding insult to injury because for 8 years the answer has been...You're the problem!...:)
C