Hello, just curious if anyone else has run into this issue. I'm currently living in the UK - so using the NHS to help diagnose my husband. We got lucky and got an appointment with a psychologist within six months and he did an intake on my husband. I wrote up a two page paper of his symptoms and how this has caused problems in our life. At the end the therapist said that my husband had the symptoms, BUT: He didn't figet or pace the floor when the therapist was talking to him. (Although the entire time my husband was picking the skin on his hands and fiddling) Also, they cannot diagnose him because my husband could not get statements from his family about his behavior when he was little. Hubs mom is passed on and his dad is a Narcissist that we had to cut out of our lives due to multiple types of abuse. He also cannot be diagnosed because he does not have his report cards from when he was around age five to a teen. This intake was last year and since then they've had him go on a mindfulness course which did F and all. How does one get diagnosed say if their entire family is dead?! Because of the usual financial disaster he creates literally every 3-4 months and a genetic disease I just got diagnosed with and not working currently, we cannot pay for private care. Any ideas on how to get a diagnosis? We've been married five years and it's been hell for about 4.5 of them. I'm burning out. My health issues have gotten worse (which led to my diagnosis), I don't know what my future will be, wheelchair etc, so I've got that mental mind F going on right now along with him not being able to do simple things like wear clean clothes when they're available. (He'll wear the SAME clothes to work for weeks even if a clean uniform is avail..) Picking up after him is literally physically taxing.
Can't be diagnosed due to lack of parents
Submitted by Snail on 09/07/2017.
Hello Snail,
Submitted by BigSurprise on
Hello Snail,
I'm sorry to hear about your health issues and financial problems. It does sound like a very though spot and I think maybe it's time to concentrate on yourself rather than on H's we'll being. Right, I know, it's often the same thing. Still... carrying too much dead weight won't help... I wish you all the best and I hope you'll be able to solve your problems.
About the diagnosis, I've been in the same situation, my partner's mother being dead and her father being absent for most of her childhood.
But if I may ask, what exactly is the purpose of the diagnosis? I'm asking, because there's a hell lot of difference between "official" papers (like for work or getting a restraining order) and "internal" use, like determining the right course of therapy, or getting past your H's denial. If it's about paperwork, you'll probably need to go through the whole drill, and for now the diagnostic criteria say the symptoms must be present in school age for a full-blown diagnosis. This has been getting much criticism recently, precisely for the reasons you've listed: the parents may be dead, absent, or simply oblivious, and it shouldn't close the door for the diagnosis, although it may, and certainly does, make it more difficult.
However, if you need it for private use, like improving your family life, there's a small percentage of professionals (and, in my experienced, these are the people with most hands-on experience) who say "if it feels, looks and smells like ADHD, let's just treat it as ADHD, shall we?" In my experience, that's the best approach. It helps BOTH parties and lets you move forward rather than being stuck in "well, maybe it is, or maybe it isn't, hard to tell" spot, which just reinforces the ADHD denial. From my personal experience, you should avoid at all cost the counselors who:
a) rely solely on self-diagnostic forms from the ADHD partner
b) prescribe a random ADHD pill and say "let's see if it works; if it does, it means you have ADHD"
c) say that without childhood records it's not possible to move forward (well, if there's no way forward, you'll just stay where you are, right?)
d) have a very shallow understanding of the problem (like the patient fidgeting during the session being the determining factor for whether they have ADHD).
All of the above approaches probably won't help. Those people have no idea about the problem and wouldn't be able to recognize adult ADHD if it bit them in the ass. Most likely, they will hurt you and your relationship. I had a really hard time finding the right therapists, but looking back I can see dropping them as soon as you see they're not helping was probably the best way to go.
Please update us on the progress. My thoughts are with you.