One thing that I have realized trying to have a (serious) conversation with my add wife is, it's basically impossible...Never in my life have I been involved in so many wasted words, and conversation attempts...Based on six years of reading posts here, so many of you understand this...A person who does not want to hear you, want!  When a person's life isn't a responsible one, they know it....Typical behavior for adult irresponsibility is denial, blame, anger, defensiveness, bullying or running away...But many of us who feel like we are drowning in the chaos and dysfunction can't help but try to point it out....Our voice is our only way to bring attention to the pain of being disrespected and used....And when it isn't heard, we struggle in our minds how to make this person understand what they or either blind to, or just don't care....So many self absorbed, hyper focus type minds, have no room, or ability, to consider their spouses needs for what they vowed to be in their lives...Hyper focus lust for excitement really has nothing to do w/ mature lasting love....

So we start pursuing ways to live with a person, who isn't capable (or just refuses) of self awareness and the work that a marriage relationship takes...Even though we all face very similar behaviors, there is still difference's in each of our relationships....Some of you may be able to calmly communicate, your spouse's and you, may both be self aware and take ownership...That's not the case with us...Of course it's been much better the past few years...But I feel for each of you, who like myself, has come to realize all the wasted words (unheard, and unwanted) that goes on between us...

We had a good conversation a few days ago....The simple reality is I've loved her, I attempt to do the responsible things as a husband, I have never in 12 + years pushed her away...She has shown me that she doesn't love me based her life style and her priorities....(She didn't deny this in conversation) It's very difficult to accept....I reached this acceptance of her reality several years ago, (so I could place boundaries to limit conflict) all but this one thing.....The hardest thing for me has been accepting that my wife's primary reason for being with me is for what it benefits herself, and for the fact I make her life easier.....That's why she has no convictions to honor her vows and be that loving spouse....We have sex, but, in 12 years she has never been available (that I remember) when I approached her...Unless it was planned....Any other time she has to control it, so she puts me off until the next day or some day in the future....I've lived with it, but, I've decided...It's not OK!...

In a text message (which lead to the conversation) I told her she needs to move out, and she should get counseling for her gaming addiction....Our whole marriage most of our arguments have started when I've pointed out her selfish (self absorbed) and abandoning  life style...It's actually been very freeing admitting to myself that my wife doesn't love me....I have felt total relief the past few days....

I love her, and pray for her...But, for her to not return my love willingly, be available, do the work in the marriage, prioritize her husband  (us, two being one) is not OK to me any longer... I can't force it, and it wouldn't be real if I could...I want her, and myself, to be in situations we think is healthy and right for each of us...I want her to find contentment....I want contentment...Neither of us have contentment in this one-sided marriage...I'm wise enough to know, a person most always pursue's what they love....

c