Dh is going around slamming things. I used to actually believe that I did or said or was something wrong. Now, I am not taking it personally anymore. If he has a problem with me, he will have to talk to me and face to face tell me what is the matter. I will stop guessing that I am to blame. Since it has been his habit to not talk about anything except jokes and silliness, I used to try to guess what he hated about me that he was acting so rudely. Tonight, I am going to assume something different. I am going to assume that he is just plain frustrated. He has been working on our toilet all day....mainly taking breaks and smoking. I know that he cannot fix it....a 30 year old toilet. I know we need to buy a new toilet. Since i DO know how his brain works after over 40 years of marriage....i know he is blaming me that the toilet does not work (never mind that it is very old), he is drinking beer so that he can stop his frustration with ME. He is blaming me somehow that the toilet does not work.....Like, maybe I flushed wrong with the handle or I should not put toilet paper into it or maybe he is thinking that I went into the tank and took out a part that was needed and now is missing. Anyway.....he is doing anything but realizing that if he made a living wage, we could go out and buy a needed new toilet. Which is what I will do eventually, I am sure. Oh yes, tomorrow 15 people are coming over for Easter. If I say anything to him right now...in the softest, nice tones.....he will take it as an insult and stop working because I am a b..... So I must sit mute while he tinkers on. How would I do this if I were a strong person? I would go in there and say, "Stop. Here is a new one advertised at_______. We should just buy a new one." He would take that as an insult on his abilities and tell everyone that I am unloving and slam out the door to drink and smoke alone.
Crazy thinking and blaming
Submitted by jennalemon on 04/19/2014.
" it has been his habit to
Submitted by LyraHeartstrings on
" it has been his habit to not talk about anything except jokes and silliness,"
Wow, this is my husband. I never quite noticed it before but the past few months I am acutely aware of his constant "witty comments." He tries so hard to "say something witty." It's all about his idea that he has to be funny all the time. ALL THE TIME. He can't communicate with me or anyone without making jokes. He would come home from say going to the grocery store and I'd say hey did you get the milk? And he would say, "They ran out of milk but luckily an old lady had one so I beat her up and got it." Stuff like that. CONSTANTLY. Even when I desperately need him to be serious. He can't deal with reality. I just don't think he exists in the same reality as the majority of folks. He also says people don't get his humor. I used to think he was so cute and funny but man, you have to know when to be funny and when not to be funny. Like we used to have a woman who cleaned our house when we could afford it (I worked 2 jobs and with his ADHD we needed help) -- and once he joked with her that he was going to tie her up in the basement to keep her from leaving. I was HORRIFIED. He thought he was just being "witty" as it was his way of saying, "Wow, thanks for the great job with the house, we couldn't do it without you!" But he can't say that; what he says is like, we appreciate your work so much and can't live without you that we will abduct you and hold you hostage. WHO THINKS LIKE THAT??? Then he got annoyed with me for saying he shouldn't say that and he's all, "Oh she knows I'm joking!" *horror* *facepalm*
OMG you just described MY adhd husband
Submitted by dedelight4 on
Lyraheartstrings, you perfectly described my ADHD husband. He does the EXACT SAME THING. He makes comments ALL THE TIME, and most of the time they are hurtful, or weird in some way, but he thinks they are hilariously funny. Don't get me wrong, he CAN be very funny at times, but he makes the comments ALL the time, with EVERY conversation, and after EVERY spoken word someone else says. Yesterday, I asked him where he was going, (I asked nicely), and he said back to me (sarcastically with a mad face) "I'm going to the bathroom, if that's allright with YOU!!". There is ALWAYS some kind of smart remark that has a stinging barb on the end of it, and everyone he comes in contact with, gets stung. ON TOP OF IT....he acts SHOCKED if someone gets hurt by this. "I didn't mean anything by it"....."I was trying to be funny"......or "You are too sensitive and take everything the wrong way". I wish I knew what to do with this. If anyone has any ideas, please let me know. Everytime I've tried to tell him about this, no matter HOW NICE I try to be, he gets angry and just storms off.
I have actually said stuff
Submitted by LyraHeartstrings on
I have actually said stuff like that to my husband because I think I'm beyond frustration and I'm so aware of everything that I'm in a constantly bad mood. I know what Melissa's talking about in her book as I see how I'm reacting to things and it's not good.
The "i'm trying to be funny" makes me flip. And the "you're too sensitive" stuff or the "you have to talk/ask a certain way" and the granddaddy of them all, "I'll do it in my own way, in my own time." Which leaves you just wondering what a sham your "marriage" is. Ha. And yeah, they are so shocked that you think they have been offensive -- to them, it's not. It's so hard to understand their reality, it's so different from ours.
Sometimes my husband can be very cute and funny and I love his writing and it works well there. He has sent wish lists out for Christmas with the most hilarious notes attached but everything he says in person is sooo inappropriate. It's like he has no filter or ability to use the humor correctly. Then yeah, he gets mad at those around him for not "getting him".
In front of a room full of
Submitted by copingSAH on
In front of a room full of family my add dh chatters on how he has the "hots" for another family member. This was with the family member in attendence, their parents, etc and i, being the wife, had to make yet another joke to turn the dead silence into slapstick. I've been saving face for so long, i probably seem as idiotic as my dh.
He also thinks it is funny to joke at other's expense, but never his own expense. He thinks he is funny repeatedly referring to me and my "big fat head" in front of the children every time i wear a hat.