Submitted by overwhelmedwife on 01/10/2015.
My H doesn't respect that certain foods are purchased for particular meals. He doesn't do the shopping or cooking, so he doesn't respect or understand how annoying it is to go to make dinner and then find out that he mowed thru a needed item.
I buy plenty of food, snacks, etc that are easily eaten, so it's annoying that his impulsiveness (I want it now) will prevent him from respecting that an item is needed for a particular reason.
Recently, I bought a food item for our child to take to school (school requested this for a school-party). I put it on the counter and wrote "this is for Megan's school party tomorrow" on it so that H couldn't claim that he "didn't know". Well, the next morning I find that he ate it ANYWAY. He became angry when confronted and refused to go to the store to replace it.....so I had to. He said that I deserved having to go back to the store for being a #$%^& complaining that he ate the item.
So, now I have to REALLY hide non-fridge items that are needed for something else!!! I can't hid fridge items unless they're small....and then I hide them in a container that looks like something H would never eat...lol.
Impulse control
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
OWW,
My spouse has always had a sweet tooth. When I met him 30+years ago, he would have a quart of chocolate milk and a box of chocolate covered donuts for lunch - rather than a sandwich.
He will eat all the chocolate if it is in a candy bowl on the counter. He will not eat it if I put it in my drawer in the office. Maybe he doesn't know it is there! One of the running inside jokes around here after grocery shopping is "If you want any of the sweet snacks, you better get them NOW.'
It has bothered me that my spouse has poor eating habits. He has not wanted to address that. I tried to make him lunches. I did that on and off a few times, and then gave up - I would find the bags of lunches in his truck, and all the empty snack boxes in the trash. Couldn't force him to do what he didn't want to do. Then he started eating fast food for lunch. I showed him on the budget how expensive it could be - in the end, it had to just be a line in the budget because that is what he continued to do. He is 6' 4" tall, and now weighs close to 300 pounds. It concerns me.
We did have a specific shelf in the fridge that was "open season." Now we put labels on things bought for specific menus. He respects that.
I think - in my own honest opinion - that the rude comment and non-caring how you felt is the bigger issue. Harsh. I understand how it feels. It is mind boggling.
Liz
yes! the lack of respect and rude comments are horrible....
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
H's mom is partially to blame for this. She also had ADHD and refused to teach/discipline/control her kids so she would shop EVERYDAY and only buy one day's worth of food. She also didn't cook.
Around 4pm everyday, she'd go to the store to buy whatever was going to be dinner that night, and cereal for the next morning ( a milkman delivered bread and milk every morn) .....so H never grew up thinking that available food was for another time. It also didn't allow for any teaching of self-control . H's mom was too lazy to plan/make school lunches so they bought lunch everyday....even tho that was a pricey option for a large family. If his mom bought a bag of chips, no one was told that they couldn't just grab it and eat ALL OF IT by themself!!!
I realize that H's mom had this system of shopping everyday just so she wouldn't have to deal with situations where mealtime would come and there wouldn't be any or enough food for all ( large family) H's anger when confronted is a mystery. Some of it may be the fact that he's been confronted with his selfishness, and H believes that he's never selfish, so that "hit in the face" is shameful and therefore he lashes out.
Much of it is PURE impulsiveness. There is OTHER food to eat, but he sees something and wants it NOW. The eating habits of those with ADHD can be atrocious....fast food, pricey easy to get foods, etc.
Whoa. didn't think another one existed
Submitted by dedelight4 on
"H's mom is partially to blame for this. She also had ADHD and refused to teach/discipline/control her kids so she would shop EVERYDAY and only buy one day's worth of food. She also didn't cook."
Wow, I didn't think there was another ADHD's mother like my own mother-in-law. She did EXACTLY THE SAME THING. She would shop only for one day at a time, fed all 3 of her kids fast food and junk food. She also HATED TO COOK, hated to clean, and hated being a housewife and mother. The oldest kid was a super picky eater, but would eat the junk food she got like he would never eat again. They were ALL picky eaters, and mostly only ate junk food, or already processed frozen foods. They also didn't leave any food for someone else. Plus, my mother in law HATED leftovers, so her refrigerator was always bare except for a few condiments and a little lunch meat. (bologna, ham and swiss cheese) They didn't learn self control either. Plus, she would only make enough food for one meal at a time, NO LEFTOVERS.....and would make a point of telling everyone that. She wasn't officially diagnosed as ADHD, but I KNOW she had either bipolar, or ADHD or some other mental issue, because she was so odd at times. It was also VERY HARD to have a civil conversation with her. (had a hair trigger temper also)
It was weird when I first married my ADHD husband, (married 31 years, diagnosed 8 years ago) would eat MOST of the ice cream, then come and "ANNOUNCE" to me that he left me some. I would go to the freezer later, only to find a teaspoon of ice cream left in the container. This happened over and over again, much to my frustration. A teaspoon or tablespoon of ice cream left in the container DOES NOT qualify as "leaving some" for someone else. I would rather he EAT IT ALL, and STOP announcing to me that he "left me some". It was so rude, but he thought he was being polite. (I know it was his mother's doing)
My husband's father was "normal" I guess, because his oldest brother (half brother.....he had a different mother)and his father didn't have any issues. But, all 3 children from my father-in-law's second wife (my ADHD husband's mother) had mental issues. The oldest son had bipolar and paranoid schizophrenia and a drug addict (who recently passed from addiction), my husband has ADHD, and his younger sister had severe emotional problems and was an alcoholic. (she recently passed from alcoholism) Plus, my mother-in-law passed about 4 years ago (Alzhiemer's). My husband is the only left of his family. But, ALL of them had brain issues, crazy eating habits, terrible sleep problems, and all of them had depression problems. Every few weeks my husband goes through a depressive cycle. I don't know why this is, but I think it may be tied to his ADHD. There usually isn't any reason for his depression, but every few weeks he gets VERY depressed for a week or 10 days. It's frustrating to deal with, because NOTHING gets him out of it.
my ADHD mother in law liked being a mom, but hated any chores...
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
My ADHD with H husband
Submitted by sunlight on
Who is at fault
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
I read these responses, and I believe many of us get a rough start in life - mine was growing up with a raging alcoholic father. However, they are not sentences that are bestowed on us for the rest of our lives.
Yep, many people have a rough start - it cannot be an excuse for, well, for anything.
We all have the propensity to do what we did while growing up - poor behaviors can be replaced with healthier-happier behaviors.
Liz
You have a positive outlook!
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
You had a raging alcoholic father. Yet, you have not let it ruin yur life.
I don't think my H or his family realized how THEY were affected by their family history. Both grandfathers were alcoholics, so both parents were Adult Children of Alcoholics. The dad's father was a rager, as well.
H's parents weren't alcoholics, but the dad did rage over "nothing" (likely because his raging alcoholic father raged), and sadly H' learned to react that way, too..
Sometimes I think women can emerge "better" from having raging alcoholic fathers than boys can.
.
I made choices
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
I try to have a positive outlook. I believe the cup is half full. I believe most people want to do the right thing. And, even though my husband was very upset at his parents relationship, with his Dad actually disliking his mother, and his mother spending all the years of their marriage trying to win him back - oiy it was an odd situation. 10 years into the marriage he moved out of their bedroom. And they stayed married. And at that point in time their were 7 children - ages newborn, to 9. Royally horrible atmosphere.
I also realized for myself, like my Dad, how much of an addictive behavior my eating disorders were. They served a purpose.
I KNEW it. I knew I had issues from growing up in that home. I knew I had eating disorders. I knew I needed help. And I worked my patoockis off until I worked through them and came out the other side into recovery. Took 15 years in total. I admitted it. I took responsibility. I blamed no one. As the old saying goes, if you manage to get through the rough stuff, you have a victory that no devil in hell can take from you.
Liz