I have a boyfriend of 7 years who is an alcoholic and addicted to marijuana. The slightest thing can set him off, from a small change in errands to a coffee machine not working at the gas bar and I am exhausted and hurt constantly from the fallout. I am the only one he treats like dirt and I am getting really depressed and belittled on a regular basis. I fell in love with the sweet, caring, funny side of him. These temper tantrums I try to accommodate and fix with alternate things that will placate him, to no avail. He refuses every thing I suggest and often swears at me and calls me names in anger and then apologizes after only for this to happen again and again. I love him but it is getting very hard to endure the onslaught of these anger bouts year in and year out. During the times he is not drinking, I don't allow him to drink because he cheated on me twice while blacked out, I worry about when he will take off on me again and drink with his coworkers who are all chronic alcoholics as are all his brothers, who are his only friends. I have tried breaking up with him multiple times and always end up missing the parts that I love so much that I break down and go get him. He has come so far after 7 years as he used to take off all the time and now only does so after a few months of sobriety. I try to not to get sucked into the anger when he does his little temper tantrums but almost always end up getting angry myself as I do not believe i deserve to be treated this way. Help!
Explosive Instantaneous Temper
Submitted by Grrr on 06/23/2016.
Help?
Submitted by Zapp10 on
Who do you want to "help"?
I don't know how old you are but my guess is you are too young to see the RED FLAGS that are all over your relationship with this guy.
"LOVING" someone involves the WHOLE person. What you love about him, it would appear, doesn't show up very often. You seriously think that this is a deep, compassionate, caring, thoughtful, giving relationship? We all have "issues"........and then there are RED RED FLAGS.
You need to ask yourself WHY you are settling for this? And if you choose to stay(and it is a choice) your life is going to look like it does right now.....
the problem is NOT him......it is your standards that are so low a snake could and is crawling over them.
I don't believe ANYONE would encourage you to stay.....because they care about you......and they are seeing what you don't want to.
Please stop thinking of him and think of yourself.....YOU are worth FAR more than this situation.
Please, Let us know how things unfold for you.:-)
Codependent
Submitted by Delphine on
I agree with Zapp10 and I would advise you to check out the work of Melody Beattie. She was addicted and codependent, recovered and has written a number of good books on addiction and codependency.
There are also many youtube videos about her and her work. This for one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdhJ1N3dn7M
Delphine