I have been reading these forums over the past few months, as I've been going through several meetings for "neuropsychological assessment", and they have been very enlightening. So, I am here to get some thoughts on what I consider to be a non-diagnosis. One of the reasons I'm frustrated is because this is my second attempt in seeking evaluation; the first was a mess because they had me meet with a child psychologist who basically told me I had "problems" but she didn't think it was adhd - this was after a very poor interview in which she didn't seem to understand anything I said (she kept paraphrasing what I said but got all the details wrong and I had to keep correcting her...like I said, a mess). So it took me 2+ years to work up the nerve to go back to a psychologist. I can't say I "know" I have adhd like some people can. But I do know I have a lot of symptoms and issues that fall directly into that condition - especially for a female, and the inattentive type - and I can't attribute them to any other disorders or health issues. But I'm frustrated because I had the feedback session and I have a 5-page report (well, only the last 2 pages are a summary of the test results - the first 3 being a summary of my personal history and the initial interview), but I don't know what to do with it. Ultimately, the summary states that the test results suggest a "very mild" and "atypical presentation" of attention deficit, but that my profile doesn't suggest the more pervasive issues that are typical with adhd. The report also suggests I have a mood disorder and "emotional factors" which I really disagree with. I have a certain level of frustration in my life that I can trace back to specific things that distract or overwhelm me, but I am not moody or emotional in general - in fact, I have a very stable mood and most people describe me as easy going and level-headed. I'm the type of person that highly moody people are attracted to because I calm them down!
So, I'm annoyed that the result of all this testing is basically the psychologist saying I should try meditation for my attention problems and see a psychiatrist for my "mood disorder." I have seen this with family members over and over again - doctors focus on all the wrong things, like depression or anxiety or behavioral issues, rather than the single thing that runs like a current beneath all of it - namely, adhd. So they continue to suffer needlessly never getting the right treatment. And now I feel like I'm in the same boat. I do admit that my issues are relatively "very mild" compared to what they could be - compared to some of my friends and family members' "presentations." But it isn't very mild to me! It is significant and a huge hindrance in nearly every thing I do.
At this point, I'm not sure how to proceed. The psychologist plans to send this report to my primary care physician, but honestly, I don't know what she'll get out of it - I think her question will be like mine, as in what does mild and atypical mean? I could take this to a psychiatrist as they suggested (and go through another several-month-long process), but is it okay for me to take this to a psychiatrist and tell them I think it is wrong? Or, should I just skip forward to a psychiatrist and just not mention this evaluation and approach it like I'm going for evaluation for the first time?
I am writing a list of questions (and corrections to inaccurate factual info in the report) and plan on mailing it to the psychologist who wrote the report (since I can't email them). I don't plan on saying I think they are outright wrong; I just want to get some clarification and maybe a little more detail in the summary that my PC doctor could actually act upon.
Has anyone else experienced this? Should I just keep trying until I find someone who seems to have a reasonable understanding of the various shades of adhd, or should I just accept that I have "problems" and not adhd?
Be your own hero
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
Hi Marie448,
Has anyone else experienced this? Should I just keep trying until I find someone who seems to have a reasonable understanding of the various shades of adhd, or should I just accept that I have "problems" and not adhd?
I am sorry for the frustration you are experiencing. What I can tell you is that you will need to be your own cheerleader, and that said, you will most probably keep telling counselor after counselor after doctor after doctor that you know something is not right, and you NEED help to find the answer.
What would you think of getting a few people who are close to you, to write down a list of what they see you struggle with - in order to have additional information to take with you to your next doctor/counselor visit? The cause of random symptoms are hard for a counselor to nail down - a pattern of behavior is something more tangible. It is one thing to try to explain what you struggle with - and quite another to have additional collaborative information from those who love you.
There is a wide variety of specialists - with a wide variety of interest in their craft - with a wide variety of personalities You really do gotta keep searching out that one who will help you.
Liz
Specialists with too many specialties
Submitted by ADHDMomof2 on
There is a wide variety of specialists - with a wide variety of interest in their craft - with a wide variety of personalities You really do gotta keep searching out that one who will help you.
Aside: True, true, I'm so exhausted.
I would add that anyone whose profile indicates they "specialize" in 25 different issues is probably not going to have more than a rudimentary understanding of ADHD, and almost certainly won't grasp the subtleties, which is clearly what you need.
I also agree, you MUST be comfortable with your provider, or you won't receive the best treatment, especially given that you seem a bit hesitant to advocate for yourself in an assertive manner.
You do deserve to be understood.
re: ""specialize" in 25 different issues"
Submitted by sunlight on
I agree with you very much, and ADHD can be a very complex condition. Some 'specialists' seem to throw a laundry list together.
To Marie448 I can only tell you how we did it. My husband's first port of call was a psychiatrist with a short list of specialities and one of them was Adult ADHD. This psychiatrist has his own office but also is associated with a large medical complex and near his office is a university (which I am sure keeps his skills sharp at detecting 'real' ADHD from kids trying to fake it). It took 30 minutes to get diagnosed (ask the right questions and it is quickly apparent that my husband has ADHD).
So in your case I would suggest that if you can you go straight to a psychiatrist who specializes in Adult ADHD (and not just the childhood version, there are still some who think people 'grow out' of it). Give the psychiatrist a clean start and let them do their own evaluation without reading the other report you have. Good luck.
I am working through this particular issue myself. . . . . . .
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
I have searched and asked and paid a multitude of professionals to tell me I am OK, I am not making mistakes, and No, indeed, I am not crazy. My reality is my reality. My biggest mistake has been I kept getting tripped up by running it past my spouse to get him to validate it. LOL CRAZINESS!!!!
I am sure there are plenty of others who can relate. So I continue to post my journey, trip-ups and all, here on this forum. It really is difficult to be assertive, if my deep-down internal mechanism is allowing my spouse's anger to dictate to me that the real issue is me, and therefore he is only working so hard as the victim of trying to "fix me"
Yep, craziness.
"Codependent people tend to have a natural distrust of their own perceptions and feelings, and would often rather have someone else tell them how to feel. Codependents may also surround themselves with abusive people who invalidate the codependents’ thoughts and perceptions, giving the codependent the impression they much of what they think is false, and therefore making it difficult to trust their own perceptions."
"A codependent person tends to seek outside approval in order to feel validated. His or her self-esteem tends to depend on other peoples’ perception of him. This can be very dangerous when surrounded by manipulative or abusive company. When one looks solely to the outside for validation, he relinquishes a large degree of control over his life and well-being."
"Since codependents have often grown up around abuse (physical or substance), they tend to view harmful behavior as normal, or at the least they are often willing to put up with it to gain the acceptance of their partner."
"A codependent has typically grown up in a household where addictions and fighting are commonplace, and often feels it's his or her duty to keep the peace. Therefore, there can be a propensity to avoid conflict at all costs."
Liz
Advocate for your ADHD without shame.
Submitted by ADHDMomof2 on
I haven't gone through exactly what you have gone through, but I was misdiagnosed with a sensory processing disorder as a child. I remember reading a booklet that had the symptoms following my diagnosis. It started off with a list that read exactly like ADHD. There was a paragraph space, and then a continuing list of sensory symptoms. I read the list and said to my mother, "I'm THIS (pointing to ADHD symptoms)," not THIS (pointing to rest of SPD symptoms.)" "What's THIS (pointing back to ADHD symptoms)??? I was eleven. I had never heard of ADHD, but I KNEW they had gotten it wrong. I am now a teacher and am 1,000% certain that I have ADHD, and that I do not have SPD. I have been diagnosed, and am being treated by both a psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD and a Naturopathic Doctor. I literally can't believe how good I feel everyday now!
Trust your instincts. Don't be ashamed. I am now finding myself doing the same thing with my Naturopathic Doctor, who treats my ADHD. I advocate for myself, and tell her what is working and where I feel we need to go next. I am not afraid to challenge her in a polite and respectful way (Why do you think we need to do X? What about Y? Have you heard the studies about Z?)
Remember, you are a woman, and women are typically great about advocating for themselves at the doctor's office. Don't take "NO" for an answer. It sounds like the diagnostician doesn't know you, and certainly doesn't understand ADHD. I can't begin to tell you how many professionals advertise their expertise in ADHD. Then I go into their office, and it's like I'm at my job: I have to teach them. I love teaching middle schoolers, but adults who are supposed to know more than me? Not so much. Especially given that I am seeking their counsel. And paying them.
Don't feel ashamed. Know that at times, you may be surrounded by idiots. That's on them for being ignorant. Don't personalize it, and assume they must be right and you don't have the right to continue pursuing a diagnosis!
Then leave, and vow to begin again. You will get there, but you can't give up, and you can't let up. You know yourself better than anyone, right?
Best of luck.
ADHDMomof2