It seems that therapy, medication, and books have done little to give me a spouse that treats me with respect and kindness. After tens of thousands of dollars of intervention and years of effort I just have nothing left. How can anyone be happy living with a person who gobbles up all of the resources and sucks the air out of a room. I mean basic human decency like not taking other peoples things, not saying rude things, not cutting people off when they talk. We can't even get to real relationship needs because basic human interaction can't be managed. I have found zero real help from anyone. Medications have made him able to cook an omelet without crying but he still can't allow another person to have feelings. Everything anyone says he has to say the opposite of. Its just pointless trying to explain basic human interactions to a person who ultimately isn't going to use that information for anything that means something to me. Wish I had never gotten involved with "treatments" I should have e spent that time and money on a divorce.
Giving up and having nothing left to give
Submitted by Sabine on 12/28/2021.
My .02
Submitted by ConstantStruggle on
Hey Sabine...
Sorry for that... Nobody deserves to be treated that way. I am the non ADHD spouse ( husband).. I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. My way of dealing with the mannerisms you have described is usually to simply respond with "yeah okay" or "your'e right".. OR simply say nothing at all to which i get a "right"? "right"? Well am i right..?
We recently attended a Halloween party at some friends home.. She wanted to go as Moira and Johnny Rose from Shitts Creek.. She couldn't wait!! She is a lot like Moira and pulled it off nicely... Me, meh, i was just there.. We walk in and she literally says "Okay babe", go have fun and she takes off as she steps into that role for the night... Who knows how many Vodka Cranberry juice's later she is smashed and barely makes it to our car.. One of her drunk GF's needed a ride home so i had to endure that... I may have had 2 drinks... Once the Adderal wore off the Vodka kicked in... I'll spare you those details.
Suffice to say... her recent manic episode was on 19 Dec.. Breaking everything that was made of glass in the house.. OVER NOTHING!! I left on the 20th, filed for Divorce on the 21st.. I cannot handle it anymore... Been married to her for 4 yrs... Been together about 10.. Finally had to put myself first for once and take care of me.. No longer the Empath or Enabler i must try to rebuild... It isn't easy.. Our Divorce isn't final.. She has text and told me how much she misses her husband and best friend ( which we were at one time)... I wish no ill will on her.. I hope she gets the help she needs.. She's a truly good person under that tough candy shell.....
Hope this gives you some peace....
Oh, Divorce ain't cheap.... $300-$400 per hour... adds up quickly!!
I wonder if your husband
Submitted by Unicorn44 on
I wonder if your husband suffers from childhood emotional neglect. I have adhd myself, and a lot of my symptoms have not been fixed with adhd treatments. I came to learn about CEN, and it has changed my life. I didn't realize that emotional intelligence is taught by your parents. If his parents don't have emotional depth or awareness, they inevitably teach their child that emotions are not valued by the act of omitting any kind of emotional discussions. In turn, you never develop emotional skills. As an adult, this manifests in a variety of ways- lack of self-discipline, low self-esteem, unable to set/commit to goals, and lots of other things. I found myself thinking emotions don't matter, being proud that I dont focus on emotions, etc. Thankfully, emotional skills can be taught, but it's a long process. I wish I found out about this 20 years ago because it really affects your ability to connect in relationships.
I am so sorry! have you tried
Submitted by jvriesem (not verified) on
I am so sorry! have you tried therapy?