Groundhog Day...that is ADHD for me and my H. Once again, the man he works for is jealous of his charisma and popularity and his "boss" feels threatened. This has happened before in ALL types of jobs. I can see him losing his job once again. It's such a pattern that I won't be shocked. I know this time around that I must continue to move forward with the goals I have set in place for myself and draw on my new found strength. I can't be weak or pity myself since he will be doing all of that for himself. He already sounds mopey telling me the story and I caught him today looking blankly at the ceiling. I wonder how he feels, I think I know. What a sad thing. It's like a never ending screwed up day, everyday, all your life. And I am in the middle of it trying to enjoy my life as a positive, nurturer that hold down the FT job and benefits. Wow, yay me. Just call me Doctor, Counselor, Cheerleader, Provider, Maid. Can one person do it all and still maintain sanity when all the other person does is make a mess of their life? To be with someone 25 years and have them be frozen in amber like that fossilized mosquito is hard to watch. No progress, or not much. I need to keep my tank full for me while almost running on E for him. Argh! I can do it! I have had plenty of practice! I must keep my identity and sanity because my life is not like his, I just happen to be married to him. Gotta start now, looking for ways to brace myself for him getting let go...again.
Groundhog Day...will he lose his job again?
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on 09/24/2015.
Have you heard this from other reliable sources?
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
>>>
Once again, the man he works for is jealous of his charisma and popularity and his "boss" feels threatened. This has happened before in ALL types of jobs. I can see him losing his job once again. It's such a pattern that I won't be shocked.
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I suspect that there is a back-story that either your H isn't aware of OR your H is aware, but in denial.
How likely could be that "once again" he has innocently annoyed the boss to the point of jealousy and job loss.
Are there some people that you could get an "honest answer" from who would trust you not to expose them?
I know a woman who for years has lost jobs, and typically she says that the "boss was jealous of her degrees". I heard this for years. Then, over time, I started hearing the "real story". She drove everyone nuts with her constant chatter, her bragging, and her cluelessness that other people were trying to work why she yammered on.
Once again, the man he works for is jealous of his charisma and
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
<<<
Once again, the man he works for is jealous of his charisma and popularity and his "boss" feels threatened. This has happened before in ALL types of jobs. I can see him losing his job once again. It's such a pattern
<<<
I just don't believe his story. Bosses want talented people because they make bosses "look good." There might be a rare boss that is truly jealous to the point that they will FIRE someone, but that would be the extreme.
I would bet my lunch that your Hi is doing something that truly annoys his bosses.
You've got the right idea....NGLM
Submitted by c ur self on
I've found that if I do what you say...Just live; Just live my life; deal with my own issues and take no part (or THOUGHT; the hard one for me) concerning what she does or don't do...Then everything about our relationship gets better....When trouble or conflict surfaces; it's never about our difference's...It's always about addressing it.....
Simple example: She has a real problem throwing things in the trash and I know that....So, when i look in the Frig. and there are bottles of Kombucha setting in there w/ one tiny sip in it...I use to be like what's the deal?....So I would question it and say all the things to her like why are you doing this?....da da da....And because she has no answer or clue why she does these things (just the way her mind works)...All she could do was try to turn it on me; or anything but face what she isn't equipped to face....
So, now it's simple to me:) I just throw it away, nothing said, and she never mentions it again.....No conflict, No why's? where there is no constructive answers.....It works....
We can definitely turn ourselves into victims; and all the negative emotions that produces if we continue to try and change what we have no power to do....Like J says it has nothing to do with us....
blessings
C
Same here
Submitted by redhead1017 on
My husband believes with his whole heart that the reason he gets fired or laid off from every job is that his co-workers and managers are jealous of him and don't want him to make them look bad. I finally told him yesterday that if that is seriously what he believes he needs to get therapy, as obviously there is something else going on and he needs to take responsibility for his actions and figure it out. Because in what universe does it make sense for people to get FIRED when they are doing too good of a job? Are you kidding me? Yet he expects me to believe this, he believes it, and thus has given up on ever finding a job again because he thinks it's all one big conspiracy! What a joke!
Personally, I think it's because he is wayyyy too chatty, he talks to everyone constantly and doesn't have good boundaries on when it's a good idea to shut up and work. He also tends to get caught up in stupid unnecessary things that are not priority, like organizing a closet or whatever, when there's a fire going on behind him that he needs to fix instead. I am really hoping he gets on meds or something soon, but not holding my breath....when you are 45 years old, never held a job for more than a couple years in your whole life, and you blame everyone else for your problems, then what else is there to do?
I can almost bet that you're right....
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
When my H had a private closed door office, he'd stay in there, doors closed and work. He could goof off in his office and no one would know because he'd still meet deadlines. He did that for years.
however, when his group moved to another building , they no longer had private offices and the open offices were too much of a distraction for H. He'd chat all the time with co-workers, annoying them, I'm sure. others could see how much he goofed off, etc. H also has no boundaries and no filter. Luckily, this didn't happen until towards the end of his career so he could retire with his pension.
>>>
I know a woman who for years has lost jobs, and typically she says that the "boss was jealous of her degrees". I heard this for years. Then, over time, I started hearing the "real story". She drove everyone nuts with her constant chatter, her bragging, and her cluelessness that other people were trying to work why she yammered on.
>>>
I wrote the above in an above post, but it bears repeating. This woman is a "nice" woman. However, she has NO IDEA how annoying she was as a co-worker.
I once went to a banquet with her (as part of a group) and there was a buffet. I was absolutely shocked ot see how she literally overwhelmed a stranger in line at the buffet....going on and on about stuff that this stranger would have NO interest in. Then at our group's table, there were 2 people that we didnt' know. She overwhelmed them with info and stories that had no interest to them. They left as soon as they could. She was blind to all of it.
I once overheard her bore a group about a new washing machine that she had bought. She went on and on and on about it.....talking about how much it cost (a lot), talking about how her husband didn't want her to spend that much money, but she did anyway, etc, etc. People were literally rolling their eyes and she was totally unaware.
She has lost job after job.....finally she stopped looking for work to raise her kids. Fine. But, she'd waste so much time on unimportant things, that she couldn't get anything done in her home...and it became a hoarder home.
Now that her kids are grown, her H expects her to work again, but she can't get hired. I think the people who interview her can "see" the problem. She has several degrees, she has a good resume, but she can't get hired.
the sad fact is that no one has had the heart to tell her the truth. Again, she's a nice lady who'd do any favor for you. If she were mean, somebody probably would have told her a long time ago.
It's kind of sad that when this stuff happens, and people get "let go," that their boss never tells them why they were really fired. Instead, she was just told things like, "the group is being downsized," or "your job is being absorbed into another job" or "budget cuts", ....things like that. If she had just been told, "you need to talk a lot less because it bothers the other employees and it hurts productivity," either she would have stopped talking so much OR she would at least know the truth about her firings.
I didn't realize that your H was the same H as in this post....
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
>>> He breaks out his business card (he is a DJ) and starts giving them out and he says, "You are sitting with a star!" OMG. I hear, "Oh you are a dj". I stayed quiet and stared straight ahead. Does everything have to be about him and his amazingness? This is a date night, right? He also broke out his phone and starts playing a video game. I would love a cultured man, one who was humble and didn't need to pat himself on the back every moment he gets. Time and place for everything. He interrupted a couples romantic breakfast to give them his card since he saw her engagement ring. He also gave it to a waitress years ago and said, "This is who I am." She said, "And who exactly are you?" How about start with saying your name not your title of "the best DJ in the universe?" Such a turn off. Then he held my hand briefly during the concert but its hard to be romantic with behavior like that. I can't fake it. He is a turn off.
So, is this charm, conceit, confidence, obnoxious, pompous? <<<<
When you put this together with your H's belief that he'd only lose his job because his boss feels threatened, it makes sense that it's really something else. The boss has likely experienced or has heard about situations similar to what you've described. Maybe the boss has gotten feedback from clients saying, "he's a good DJ, but his personality ruins the experience."
Early on, I had no idea that my H acted "too extreme" in certain situations. On dates, he really didn't act that way....except with dancing, and I put a stop to that. However, I heard that H had tried out for Jeopardy and did very well, but they turned him down by saying, "America isn't ready for you." (ha ha). At the time, I didn't know what that meant. I hadn't been at the audition. But, over the years, seeing how he can be "over the top," "no filter," "no boundaries," I can imagine how outrageous (and weird) he must have behaved!