H has been happy lately. Going to his job on a regular basis, in a good mood when I get home every night, talkative. He's been working with people he likes. He said his partner is awesome, his lead is awesome, but yet he wants to switch over to 2nd shift come Feb. He said he wants something new and it's to the point where he can't let others bring him down and just go into work and do his job. So he's really liked his partner and has said he's going through some rough times and he wants to help him out. Okay great.
Well yesterday I knew something was up before I got home just by the subtle things I found. I still check his clocking history on his work website to see when he gets in and when he leaves. Yesterday he clocked out an hour early. I figured he was either tired or sick or was upset with a coworker. An hour later he was on Facebook so I messaged him "Are you working OT?" which I knew he wasn't because I saw he clocked out earlier but I wanted to see his reasoning since he said he was going to work extra. He simply replied with "no". No reason why and no elaboration and no tellign me he was already home. Then he logged off. Another red flag that something was wrong. I get home and I see that the outside Christmas lights aren't plugged in, He has had them plugged in every night I've come home. Another red flag. I walk through the door and rather than get my usual happy "Hi Honey" and a kiss I get "Oh it's you". Big red flag. The litter box, which he promised he'd scrape every day he got home, wasn't scraped and he barely talked to me. I finally say "Have a good day?" and he goes "No. The job didn't get started until later and my partner was in la-la land all day and we made a mistake." Okay. You JUST told me the night before that you have to stop coworkers ruining your mood then you come home and rant about how it all went wrong. You had 4 hours to get this to of your system before I got home, yet here you are making me feel crappy because things didn't go quite right.
I hate the fact that I always come home in a good mood and my good mood continuing depends on his mood. If he's upset, I get quiet and withdrawn. If he's in a good mood, then we have a good night. He made himself a plate of food last night and didn't even ask me if I wanted anything. I didn't eat because I was too upset with his mood. He seemed fine later on but I am afraid he is going to get into a funk again. We have my company Xmas party tomorrow night and it wouldn't surprise me if he comes home tomorrow and goes "I'm tired. Do you mind just going by yourself?" Yes I mind! You've known about this for over a month and you've been excited about it and now you are backing out. He dos this all the time.
Hi Mapper
Submitted by ds1977 on
How was your Christmas party?
The party was fine. We were
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
The party was fine. We were only there for the first part because the second part involved being on a boat for 3 hours which he didn't want to do because we wouldn't even get home until 11PM and he had to be at work for OT at 3AM the next morning. Oh, I and I heard 3 times that week that he WAS going to work on Saturday, even though I told him not to so we could enjoy the party. Nope, nope...he was definitely going to work to get that extra money. We were home by 9PM so he could get to bed and be up by 2AM. Guess what? He was too tired to go in so he didn't work! I KNEW that was exactly what was going to happen and it did! I hate that so much! So many times I hear we can't do something or we can't stay out very late because he HAS to go to work early or simply to work overtime and then calls in sick because he doesn't feel like going in or is too tired. I hate missing out on things because of this!
It sounds
Submitted by ds1977 on
Its sounds like your husband has a very understanding boss. I work alot of overtime because my wife has alot of health and mental problems, so she can't work full time. She also has alot of debt. If I agreed to work overtime and then decided I didn't want to at the last minute I would be in trouble. Best of luck to you.
Well he tells me it's not
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
Well he tells me it's not really mandatory, but he gives his word so much there and then takes it back by doing this. I saw his text that morning to his coworker and it said "Running a little late" this was at 3:45 when he was supposed to be there at 3. Then at about 8 he texts "Didn't reset my alarm and overslept". Yeah right. I saw you physically turn OFF your alarm after it went off the first time!
Where the rubber hits the road
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
I still check his clocking history on his work website to see when he gets in and when he leaves.
I will encourage you, as hard as it is, to at least allow yourself to get to the spot where you no longer 'check - up' on him. All it seems to do is give you the ammunition to say "Yep. I was right."
I experienced releasing myself from this sort of behavior - NOT at all with my spouse, but rather with my teenager children. Every morning it was a battle to get them out of bed and ready for school or church. Then one day, I said to them: I am done with this. You each have an alarm clock. You will now be in charge of getting yourself up. If you oversleep, you will suffer the consequences of being tardy, or missing tests, or missing ride to school.
I am still amazed how quickly they realized Mom was not doing their work for them! I don't think it took more than one or even only 2 times, of scrambling to be responsible for their own behavior, that they stepped up to the plate.
I understand your difficulty with this. I have read it in past posts. Maybe it is time to try something new?!?!?!?
Liz
Yes I agree that I need to
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
Yes I agree that I need to STOP doing this! I mean he has gone to work every day for the past 3 months without missing a day or lying to me about it. He's been working 10 and 12 hour days. All in all I'd say he deserves my respect not to check up on him anymore. Yet there is always that niggling thought in my mind that if I don't check it one day, that will be the day he decides to lie to me. It has happened SO much in the past that it is hard to trust him.