While I have always been thankful for my  life, my husband, three wonderful kids, home and friends, this Thanksgiving is different...My ADD husband came upstairs to tell me he fixed our dining room chair which needed  its legs glued to be usable again.  The chair been in the basement for 4 years, just waiting for this moment....My husband and I  laughed and celebrated together today..over a simple newly glued chair.... The chair is just a symbol of a renewed direction for our marriage and an ADD victory. The glued on this chair is analogous to  a new "cement" in our relationship.

I admittedly havent been on the posts for the last 2 months....Ive felt all the despair many of you have with an ADD spouse. Ive had 20 +years of it...The pain, the loneliness, the agony of try and trying and getting nowhere on broken promises, just trying to be thankful but never truly happy....My husbands defensiveness was legendary and we never were able to reach great heights in out marriage as it was surrounded by low feelings of esteem over ADD, frustration of not knowing how to deal with it, and never moving forward....Together with my anger & frustration, our relationship was a cess pool of negativity...Two boats floating aimlessly in the water, never really rowing collectively in  a positive direction but more like flailing in a "Perfect storm" just trying to keep out heads above water....  Yes my husband tried, and tried, and tried, and failed and failed and was never able to move forward on things..He keeps jobs, is a good dad, but no lifes direction, goals or plans....Just floating.....Many times we  were so close to calling it quits....so close...Its amazing we are here today..together....Our kids suffered was well, seeing us argue and deal so ineffectively with each other...

The turning point in our "ADD Storm" was when my husband went to try  a CHADD meeting  in August and I think gave himself "permission" to realize that there were so many other people like him, with the same ADD issues...Something happened with him going to those meetings.....He started responding to me differently....on a wide variety of levels...He started taking responsiblity for his actions and responses.

For the last three months our relationship has been very different.... His defensiveness has subsided to 10 % of the time, where before it was 90%....I believe he has a new awareness of his ADD and how to deal with it....I definitely see new coping strategies and he  has learned to communicate  with me how he needs to hear information, process itm and when he is "overloaded"....This is HUGE...Its as if a "Veil of Defensiveness" has been lifted....

Im still in some disbelief, but its stuck for the last 3 months, where before, change would last maybe 10 days max after a big argument, and we'd go right back to the same nasty behavior....

I give hy husband ALL the credit....His defensiveness subsided and I respond differently to him.....I now LIKE being around him....rather than just tolerate him....We actually have conversations about things we never could before...There are more I love you's,Thank you's, I appreciate what you do for me...now than ever before.... When previously I couldnt get those words out of my mouth...because I didnt feel it....Our sex life has a new emotional connection and is spectacular.....It was just ok before, but now connected at a new level....Tenderness, affection and playfulness are at new heights for us in our everyday lives...

Yes, my husband still has a cluttered garage...Papers stacked high in his dresser, and he still doesnt get all those projects fixed....but Im able to deal with those issues because we can discuss them and joke about them with out the defensiveness.. Small steps are our victory.....Ive gotten my husband a person back....I never would have believed we'd see these days....

I see more hope  for our future on the horizon.....I know that if I unexpectedly died tomorrow, I would go happy, realizing that our relationship actually got to a level we havent seen in the last 20 years...No not perfection.....but just a nice comfortable place that we can understand his ADD, and learn to  manage it  together to a degree, and keep our family and marraige whole....We are truly counting our blessings this Thanksgiving ..I love you very much B....

AJR