Does anyone else experience this from their ADHD spouse?
ME :"we'll be late if you don't hurry up"
HIM: "I don't care" (shrug)
ME: "Your hair needs cutting dosn't it?"
HIM: "I don't care" (shrug)
ME: "You really upset me with what you said to me yesterday"
HIM: "I don't care" (shrug)
ME: "I think you upset Linda by what you said to her"
HIM: "I don't care" (shrug)
ME: "But why won't you dress up for the party, everyone else will"
HIM "I don't care" (shrug)
Do you get what I am saying? He dosn't seem to care about ANYTHING except when his football team loses, or he falls out with the boss at work. Do all ADHD'ers say this and do they mean it? It is so frustrating and upsetting and I feel that I am constantly having to explain his condition to people when he has refused to talk, join in or has upset someone.
How do you deal with it?
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It's a way of avoiding
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
It's a way of avoiding accountability. It's a way of avoiding having to change behaviors. It's a way to be able to continue doing what he wants to do.
When someone says, "I don't care" about something a normal person would care about, the person is saying that they don't want to be held accountable or change.
For years, I wondered why my mother in law, who LOVED to spend a lot of money, would say, "I don't care about money." Then I realized, she didn't want to be held ACCOUNTABLE for her wasteful spending. She didn't want to change. She didn't want to stop spending on frivolous things.
When her husband wanted to save money for their future, she'd say, "I don't care about money."
Your spouse doesn't want to be held accountable for when he insults you or others. He doesn't want to make the effort to dress up. He doesn't want to schedule time to get his haircut.
My H can be the same way about money (like his mom). He'll say that he doesn't care about the cost of XXX or YYY. He doesn't care if he spent too much on those purchases. The truth is he doesn't want to be held accountable, he wants to do what he wants to do, he doesn't want to change, etc. HOWEVER, after the money is spent and there's something ELSE that he wants, he doesn't think, "gee, I shouldn't have wasted money earlier this week." No. Instead he just finds another money source...a credit card. He doesn't want to be held accountable or change his behaviors.