I am tired of it all. We used to have a long thread here where you could just post your vent of the moment. So I am doing that here.
I am so sick and tired of an addiction that keeps coming back and reminding me that I will *NEVER* matter as much as a game. EVER. I am looking forward to when things are just finished. At least then I can move on and start to heal my broken heart. Sounds like a stupid country song. I am tired of being the only one who gives a damn. I am tired of being the only one working hard at the commitment made. I am tired of the fakeness, the lies, the deceit that comes with someone who is just pretending until some future date they have in their head.
Whatever. I guess I am just tired of not mattering to the one who I should matter most too. I am tired of the love and care that I give never being returned.
Me too!
Submitted by Sooo Tired of t... on
I so sick and tired of the only one steering the ship, the only one who cares about our marriage. If I don't bring up any issues, it's like everything is perfect. I'm sooo tired too!
me too
Submitted by dvance on
I am tired of being invisible. I have been paying attention lately to all the things I say that DH either does not hear or tells me later like it's new information. Last week we were at brunch and I mentioned something about a shooting at U of I Champaign that had been on the news and that is one of the schools my son is applying to. Later in the conversation, DH says out of the blue, like all surprised--OMG--I forgot to tell you--did you hear about the shootings at U of I?!?!?! With no irony whatsoever. I said nothing about the fact the not 30 minutes before during the same meal I had brought that up. I am tired of coming home to him on his iPad but the living room is in disarray, laundry is piled up in the basket, dishes are everywhere. Every day I walk in the door and start tidying up. When DH works from home it drives me insane, but the next closest office he could work out of is an hour away. How do I suggest that he go work there?? His work space in our house is a disaster.
So yes, I too am tired of being invisible. The only thing I want out of life at this point is to be left alone. I want to live alone, go to work and come home and not talk to or manage another living soul. Alone.
Have you tried asking him to
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
Have you tried asking him to repeat back what you've just said?
UGH! I know EXACTLY what you
Submitted by SpaceyStacey197... on
UGH! I know EXACTLY what you mean here! Like you dont exist!
This is just a small REALLY stupid example. Both of us have facebook profiles, and he certainly spends allot of time on his. Mine us up - and I use it mostly to network rescue dogs and to keep up with my family across the country. I glance at it now and then - but not tooo often. Husband spends probably a similar amount of time on his now that he has a full time job ( he used to be on it CONSTANTLY). But we dont interact there. He so rarely "likes" or "comments" on my stuff that he doesnt even show up in my feed anymore (he might "like" or "comment" 5-6 times a year on my stuff). It used to be that I check his profile daily for new things he posted, I always made a point of "liking" all this stuff - you know things you do when you want to be nice and supportive etc. But it was never returned! He will "like" the post of someone ELSE makes the same post or shares the same picture or vid. And the funniest is when he tells me about a funny thing on FB he saw not realizing that it started on my profile. And then, the other day - he shared a memory of MY post that involved our family. He tagged everyone but me in the post. And you know what? That just really pissed me off. He shared my picture, that I had put up years ago, and tagged everyone involved except for me. Then he tried to tell me that FB automatically tagged them when he realized he pissed me off. Its BS, thats not how FB works, but I just realized how dumb it was to even care anymore about what he did....
On my late husband's birthday - he changed his pictures to only of him and him and his daughter instead of all of us together. That was the ONLY place he has a picture of me. And now even that is gone. And he did it on a day that was already difficult for me - so kicking me when I was down essentially.
And the fact that I care bothers me... that I actually am bothered by something as stupid as social media. That I have become someone who cares about stupid facebook activity! And I have NEVER EVER cared about it before! So I had to nip that in the bud and realize that he will not be polite with me regardless of the circumstance. That for some reason - he finds it awkward or a hassle to interact with me in social media.... and if your husband feels that way - HOW DUMB IS YOUR MARRIAGE? Its like - "Oh no... I cant interact because they might get the wrong idea about our relationship. You know - sure would not want my wife to think I actually might care..., oh dear its so awkward to "like" something on facebook... whhhaaaaaaaaa!!!" LOL thats pure conjecture, but its absolutely ridiculous. Its just another way for him to exclude me, and make me invisible to him. And thats really the root of it - its just one more place that I dont matter.
I would not care one bit about that stuff if he met my needs in our relationship, or even if he just attempted to. But he doesnt. Because he doesnt see me.
Stacey, no pictures of me either
Submitted by dedelight4 on
Stacey, my husband NEVER put any pictures of me either on his facebook page............EVER. It made me feel like if he had a picture of his WIFE up there, then OTHER girls might get the idea that he actually LOVES or CARES about his wife, and then he won't look dersireable to anyone "out there" that just might be INTERESTED IN HIM. Can't do THAT. he still needed to look "available" to women, or show off to "other guys" that he was still a "player". It seems like a STUPID thing to do, but other things he did made me suspicious of that. But, he kept that immature "college goofball, I can still get a girl, player" sort of ego mindset, that it really bothered me at times.
His friends were so glad when he married me, and really liked me, and told me I was the best girlfriend he had EVER had. And that all his "other' girlfriends" were all bitches and bossy, and not friendly. But, I turned out to be the idiot in THIS case, by believing his lies, his hyper focus and in my own need for love, fell for it.
It was terrible being invisible in our relationship, also, just like others of you were/are now. It's called manipulation, and it's CRUEL, and it's hurtful, and abusive.
You know what? His friends
Submitted by SpaceyStacey197... on
You know what? His friends all said the same thing to me! That I was the best thing to happen to him, best girlfriend ever, so happy that we were together etc. LOL Crazy right?
I am sorry you feel like an idiot. I waver between being depressed and distraught that he is letting his abuse issues control his life in a way that prevents us from being happy and in a healthy relationship, that he is giving up and just laying down to be a victim when we absolutely CAN have a wonderful happy life together - and then on the other side of that coin, I get extremely angry at being "duped" thinking he has just been using me this whole time.
I know its black or white thinking - but I honestly believe it has to be one or the other - and neither "realities" are any good.
And you are right - it is absolutely cruel and hurtful for him to do the things he does to me. Its like he wants me to hurt because HE hurts (even though I am not the cause of his hurt). That he refuses to give even a little, because to him that would be giving into some weird control thing - he would rather me be raked over the coals, he would rather me suffer than even consider that his perspective is skewed by being so deep in the trauma of what happened to him 30 years ago.
My husband is the one who takes the best cut for himself. Know what I mean? If there is nothing left for me, he doesnt actually care because he got what he wanted. And if I am upset thats MY problem. Have you ever seen The Wedding Singer? I love that silly movie - but the primary villan in the story reminds me of my husband. He is incredible selfish and has a view of his own wants and needs. Everything he does in the movie is really for himself, even when its positioned as for the heroine in the movie. What sucks is that in the end, there is a little song that the hero sings to the heroine about wanting to grow old together which kinda became our "song" to eachother in a goofy way. But...he isnt that guy. He isnt the one who puts his own wants/needs/desires aside for the woman he loves. Because that would mean (to him) that he was under some sort of control. And he would rather be be hurt than feel that. And who wants to experience that for their life with NO HOPE of change? not me. Not anymore. I can deal with most anything when there is hope of a better future. Now he has taken that away from me and all I am left with is the hurt.
When he could not even muster a decent aknowledgement of our anniversary - for the THIRD YEAR in a row.... it really hurt that again... its about him. Good thing he was prepared for his foot ball game though. I am sure all week he was planning everything around that. But could not even bother to be kind to me.
To hell with him. Its my time to bloom. I am sick of it. I am tired of his excuse of "I didnt know how to handle it" . He is nothing but a long list of excuses at this point. If he wanted to make a change that would be one thing - but he doesnt. he just wants what he wants, and will lie, steal, manipulate to get it. I dont feel safe with him anymore. I dont feel like I can count on him AT ALL. I am sure that if it came down to it - if zombies were chasing us, he would shoot me in the leg to give himself more time to escape. Silly analogy I know. But I believe it. And he would justify it in 100 ways and feel fine about it.