I am the one with this curse/blessing that has deeply affected our marriage to a point of my wife telling me that she is dead inside. I can't tell you how much your letter really struck a chord to me. In being true to my ADHD way, saying something that I maybe shouldn't say, I have to admit that for a brief moment, I felt envy for your husband for finding that only trump card that would get someone to realize how we all let such trivial matters destroy what we truly feel for each other, deep down.  Please don't take it the wrong way. I know that no one would wish your husband's disease on anyone, & I will pray that God blesses you, your husband and your family, to get through any and all tough times that you will encounter and to keep you strong so that you both can truly enjoy the time that you have. It's just so sad that it sometimes can take such a tragedy to help others see what love is really about. To love someone through thick & thin in the best & worst times is a statement of true love. I commend you for seeing that for yourself. Enjoy each other & always keep in mind that life is way too short for trivial things. I must have complete faith that God will guide me & help me to learn from my misfortunes. Whether my wife can ever see how much I love her & how much I have done to help us through this, I can't say. It seems rather sad to sit here and read so many of the heart felt comments & the frustrations of spouses that go through so much. It makes me wonder if I deserve to lose my family over this. I know that I have allowed our family to go through some very tough financial struggles & I could be a little more handy around here. But I do my best. I have never been unfaithful, or even talk about other women around my wife. I don't have any bad habits like drinking, smoking, drug abuse, verbal abuse, etc. I have never hit her or even threatened to harm her in any way. I'm not someone that runs away and leaves when were arguing. I feel that I am an awesome dad. I have 4 girls & do what I can to be there for them wherever they need me to be (ie. swimming, cheerleading, soccer, chorus, softball, karate, gymnastics...and that's only 2 of my daughters). I do all of the grocery shopping. I get the girls up and ready and off to school in the morning. I do about 90% of the cooking, and I don't usually take the easy route. I make real meals, usually with a meat, veggie & starch, not mac and cheese, hot dogs, cereal, sandwiches, etc. There are times when I will make some of those things because of time restrictions or even by request, but that's just not my style. Not that there's anything wrong with those types of quick meals, it's just that I mention this to state the fact that I put something into everything that I do & don't just do things half way. I do some laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming & have even made several attempts to create a list/schedule of tasks for all of us to take part in. It just never seems to work, no matter how much I try to stay on things. I start to get the "it's no big deal" looks. I don't know what it is, but I really have every intention of doing what's best for the situation. I won't just yell at one of my children without some follow up on why they got yelled at. My wife says that I'm always lecturing. Sure, I have made the same typical mistakes that a person with ADHD will make (not paying bills on time, not working or having a steady income for an extended period, piles of stuff, incomplete tasks, etc. Actually, she's the one that leaves dirty clothes in the bathroom or on the stairs & would leave her cereal bowl on the table or not change the toilet paper roll. I know that I also have a slight bit of OCD and like things in certain order & have my own little quirks about lining up shoes & how I open a cereal box, but am I so caught up in my own mixed up ADHD thinking that I just don't see the fully why my wife no longer wants to be my wife? If she ends our marriage, do I have to register somewhere that I am an ADHD Offender? Should I wear a button or shirt that says, "I have ADHD, so if you can't handle it, then I can't talk to you"? What's left for me? Will I forever be gunshy to have another relationship with someone because I'm affraid of the ADHD monster rearing it's ugly head?

For me, at times I feel as though I am from another planet & that no matter how hard I try, I cannot find anyone to see me for what I know that I truly am & can be. I am in good health, a little overweight according to Wii Fit, but still very active & willing. So in reality, I have faith that the Lord will comfort me in this difficult time, and I would not ask Him to take away my health just so my wife would open her eyes to see the person that she married 13 years ago. But to even think that this poor man is very sick & may not have had his wife with him if he wasn't, is just so sad. Perhaps it's because of my "disorder" that I have such difficulty with understanding why my "loved ones" feel that I could just "try harder", or my favorite one that my wife just said to me, "just suck it up. Other people have ADD and live normal lives & have jobs & function like everyone else. Why are you so different?" You know, it's so hard to hear those questions & comments, when I have done so much to educate her with what it is that I'm going through, & how I really want to find out how I can help her through her frustrations by showing us both ways to communicate better through counseling & books on communications in marriage. I purchased "Is it You, Me or Adult ADD", "Delivered From Distraction" - audiobook, "The 5 Love Languages", and some other relationship building media that she just didn't have interest in. At first she would say that it sounds great & even read a few pages, after much pleading of course, but yet she continues to say that she has tried everything & has supported me in every way until she just couldn't do it anymore. When I ask her to please just tell me 2 things that she has "done" to help not only me, but our marriage, she lashes back and will say something like, "Fine! It's my fault then!". Perhaps I am being guided to move forward, but I'm very conflicted with that theory. I would have to say that I have interpreted God's stand on marriage as being steadfast & deliberate. Outside of infidelity or death, there is no good reason for divorce. Even though she isn't a follower, I still have no "good reason" to divorce her. It's a helpless feeling of pain that I wouldn't even try to compare to Normal Mom's pain, but I just burst out in tears and my own little world of agony, at any unforseen time. I could only hope & pray that our children will not suffer for what I've we've done with our family. I wish you all the love & support for each other & take comfort in knowing that you're there with your husband because you love him. God Bless You both, and don't forget...

Just Love Them