I'm having a very difficult time with my adhd at home and in general. I find that I'm only likeable in small doses and only when I don't do alot of talking. I used to love being social and would crave people's approval but in the last couple of years I have been very withdrawn. Me and my wife recently moved and I don't know anyone. If I have a problem I only have her to turn to, and if we are having a fight I have no one to turn to. I just feel so alone yet I'm afraid to talk to anyone. I'm just going to disappoint any new friends I make. Just feel so isolated. I've been through a divorce before and I feel like I just won't be able to handle my current wife leaving me. I just can't go through that again. I don't want to. I would honestly just want to stop existing if that ever happened. I used to cut myself when I would get really depressed. I felt like I deserved it. Like it was a punishment. The self harm has stopped (after I accidentally broke my hand last year. Huge wake up call) but I still find myself with a "I deserve horrible things to happen to me" kind of mentality. I really feel like I need some kind of help but I don't have the money for something like that. I just don't know what to do. It feels like my body is harboring a poison and they only way to protect others from its effects is to quarantine myself. Any thoughts? Does anyone else just feel tired of dealing with this curse every day of their waking lives?
Makes everything impossible
Submitted by PizzaDragon on 08/26/2014.
I am sorry you feel that way!
Submitted by kathy1208 on
I am sorry you feel that way! It is really hard when you move to a new place and have only your spouse to rely on.
Could it be possible that you maybe just had a few bad experiences with friends that make you feel that youre only likeable in small doses? I mean, your wife married you - she is getting way more than small doses and I am sure there are plenty of other people that would appreciate you too.
I dont have ADHD (husband does) and I am 32....I was always happy and confident and I feel like at one point when i was about 27 the people I was friends with just were kind of a bunch of assholes and I felt the most worthless and self conscious as i ever had - it was like being 13 all over again. I couldnt really believe it...but i stayed with them bc I didn't want to feel the way you are feeling (with no friends)...i understand it messes with peoples heads.
Luckily i met a couple women who i just connect with and relate to well and once we got close it made me easier to ditch those other people, and to this day they still have given me a bit of a complex!!!!! For you, you moved and are just totally alone with your last friend memories being negative.
Dont write yourself off or assume youre this way or that because of some bad experiences. Also forgive yourself for feeling extra lonely and crappy when you moved and havent rebuilt friendships.
I honestly feel like as an adult, keeping friends (good ones, no less) is as hard as dating - I feel like i started shit and ended it with like, 30 people in my 20s to get to the really close couple of women friends i have now.....your only curse is probably being around the wrong people or being attracted to the wron gtypes of friends. Keep an open mind and keep trying! its really not you....
I Hear You Bro
Submitted by kellyj on
I know what it is like to feel this way....been there. Making new friends is difficult for me even now because the process takes so much time and energy......but that is true for everyone to some degree.
You said the self harm has stopped but I don't see that in your thinking about yourself...your still doing it even now. That's why you feel the way you do.
I've been divorced twice and it sucks... big time! It is definitely something to avoid if at all possible. I said the same kind of things your saying to yourself and did the same thing your doing right now with your wife. You don't go into to detail about why you got divorced but in context to the things your saying I have a pretty good suspicion why you are afraid of it happening again and if I'm right I'd say you are doing this to yourself....at least right now in this current state your in.
If I can give you any advise without writing a novel it would be this...........STOP STOP, STOP, AND THEN STOP!!
Stop hating yourself, Stop hurting yourself, Stop worrying and ruminating about things that might happen that you have no control over. Stop the negative self talk, Stop taking things personally and caring so much what others think about you even if they don't like you or like what you do.
Ok....now what? Now your left with these horrible feelings with no where to go with them what do you do?
Start loving yourself. Start being good to yourself. Start doing things for yourself using the talents and positive qualities that you already own and use them to do things in areas of your life that you DO have control of. Replace the negative self talk with only positive things.....don't allow ANY negativity or negative self talk period! Stop it! Stop taking things personally that anyone tells you about yourself that is negative...don't allow it through the door.
Get busy.....do things that make you feel good and keep doing them. Do things that your wife has been asking you to do until they are all done. that should keep you busy for a while!
And stop depending on your wife for all of these things or for her to make them go away. Only you can do this.. It's not her responsibility to do this for you because she can't. It only becomes a burden for her to try. Get out of your own head and into hers. Feel what she is feeling and understand why she feels the way she does. Your making her responsible for things that aren't hers to begin with....she has her own to deal with. Help her with her issues instead of adding new ones to her plate.
You said you don't have the money to get professional help but I can recommend two books that my therapist recommended to me years ago that really helped me.
the first one is "The Four Agreements" by Don Miquel Ruiz. and "The Power of Now" by Echart Tolle
You can even listen to Echart Tolle on you tube live for free......I like him because he is easy to follow , has a very pleasant personality and a good sense of humor
This helped me get out of the kind of funk your in and stop feeding yourself the poison that you already recognize that's in you. Be POSITIVE! You can do it.
If you start doing positive things these feelings will go away on their own stop focusing on the feelings...they're what's holding you back from starting in the first place but keep doing it anyway. Force yourself to do it.
Look into medication if you haven't done this already. Adderall is a God send for me....it really helped me in this process but it won't take care of the feelings all by itself...you still have to put in the time and work.
And don't sit around and be isolated....get outside or go where other people are even if you aren't making friends with them or even talking to them.....dark windowless bars and taverns are not recommended. Go where people who like the same things that you like go......car shows, concerts, sports events, under water basket weaving.....whatever!
J