Submitted by PoisonIvy on 01/05/2014.
I was thinking about taxes just now and that my husbands's attempts to evade payment of taxes are a very strong argument for getting a divorce. My husband, the wanna-be crook....
Does anyone else have this problem?
Not exactly
Submitted by lauren07 on
Mine is good with taxes as far as I can tell, but our taxes are simple and it is something I handle.
However, I have had to talk him out of screwing other people over, at least a couple times. I think of him as a crook when he comes up with those ideas.
taxes and more!
Submitted by wishiknew on
today i was hammered by 2012 unresolved tax issues (paid but not filed yet??). we use an accountant so we're not in trouble, it's just a piece of unfinished business (what else is new!). This is the ONE THING i ask my husband to manage because i have a professional backing him up insuring it isn't f'd up. i guess it can still get f'd up -- or left unfinished : ) 2013 tax filing also becoming an epic battle because i am worried about $ for the 1st time in my life. Looking for work -- i'm old in a young business with a VERY senior background and it's a tough challenge to find work again after a great first half of last year consulting. i need a full time job again and the pickings are slim. Another reminder -- it's all on me. If I don't do it I can't be certain it's going to get done -- even when I back him up with professionals. I think I have an ulcer too. And I somehow have gotten downright fat in the past 10 years or so. I was downright skinny once! I have a lot to do to take care of myself. That's going to be my focus. SO HARD!
I can see that being really
Submitted by mrsg13 on
I can see that being really difficult. My Husband has no problems with doing our taxes really since they are pretty simple (we don't own a house or have children). I usually just have to remind him of when I want him to do the taxes and he does them properly. We have been meaning to file an extension since we found out that we didn't put the correct amount of interest in for my student loan and that hasn't happened yet unfortunately so I'm going to have to remind him about that yet again.
Taxes, bookkeeping and my own poor choices
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
Rosered,
I am the bookkeeper for my spouse's construction business. He continued doing his own book-work for a bit when we first married, and then was in charge of it for about a year where I went on strike, piled all the paperwork on his desk and said, "Fine. Here you can do it all." Then we got a tax lien, and I unceremoniously took the responsibility back - my reasoning, no matter how sound or foolish, was since it was his name and my name on those returns, I did not want to jeopardize my own financial reputation.
The taxes are always on the bottom of my priority pile. The taxes have always come around to bite me in the butt. Just got a letter that is cancelling our payment play for 2012 taxes because we did not pay 2013 taxes in a timely manner.
I am working to deal with this situation. Just continuing to say, "He won't help me. He doesn't understand. He, he, he...." is not changing the situation one whit. I am going to be proactive and go see a financial expert to give me a plan of attack to get this debt paid. And plan for tomorrow, next week, next month, etc.
Liz
Good for you! But I'm sorry
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Good for you! But I'm sorry that you, like me, have to do it all.
It is what it is
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
Rosered,
My thinking had been a bit askew. I though that as we both matured out of our 20s, into our 30s and parenthood, that the balancing/sharing of assuming life's responsibilities would just be an apparent course life would take.
Expectations are an important part of life. I thrive in hope and the possibilities of what tomorrow can bring. The realities of 'what is' and 'what is not' are very apparent. Not right nor wrong, just very different from what I hoped and dreamed and yes, expected. Who would get married at all if they knew they could never have any expectations. I need more from marriage than a man who does not have affairs, who does not drink or abuse drugs, and who does not gamble.
I have things organized. My spouse and anyone else here, can find a pair of scissors when they need one because there is a "home location" for scissors. And sunglasses. And gloves. And tape. And replacement ink carts for the printer, and spare jars of strawberry jam or ketchup. Whether I can find a pair of scissors when I need one depends greatly on if I had spotted them lying around after they had been used, and I picked them up and put them away.
LOl! The funny thing here is I have been admonished for asking my family to "put things back where they got them" - yet they are always quite content to know right where to go to get a pair of scissors.
I know my spouse dislike doing the dishes. He is not overly concerned about how long his hair or beard or toenails grow. He doesn't care if his clothes are rumpled, or torn or stained. He drives a truck that is a disaster area. Now - these are MY assessments. Grooming and hygiene are important. . . .to me. OBVIOUSLY, he knew they are important, as he always cleaned up quite nicely when we were first dating :)
My thoughts on posting here have been to find out how to "make this marriage work." What I have discovered lately is fairly disappointing - at least on that front. Our marriage works if I do all the household chores, if I do the paperwork and make it appear as we are financial stable, if I do not complain if my spouse is late or forgets me, and if I encourage him, and lift him up, and be his support system, and do not bring up anything that I disagree with, and never voice my own opinion - unless it matches my spouses exactly.
And I realize the truth in what had been pointed out to me recently: if it was just a random pair of scissors left lying around, if it was occasionally forgetting to call me if he is late for supper, if a box or a bin or a rake were left lying in the yard, if he occasionally decided "to heck with the budget, I just want to have fun" , it would just be a minor irritation. That is not my reality. I have so much on my shoulders, and then I added going to college to better myself, I just want to be far, far away from it all. I do not expect my spouse to be my all in all. I do not expect him to be "Mr. Tidy". I do not expect him to be Prince Charming - I do blieve I have the right to expect than my partner be someone who is willing to work on things together, in a fairly even balancing act of our responsibilities.
I got myself to this spot, and I will get myself out of this spot.
Liz
"My thoughts on posting here
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
"My thoughts on posting here have been to find out how to 'make this marriage work.' What I have discovered lately is fairly disappointing - at least on that front. Our marriage works if I do all the household chores, if I do the paperwork and make it appear as we are financial stable, if I do not complain if my spouse is late or forgets me, and if I encourage him, and lift him up, and be his support system, and do not bring up anything that I disagree with, and never voice my own opinion - unless it matches my spouses exactly."
Same here, I'm So Exhausted. I sometimes see or hear the complaint that we non-ADHD spouses expect our husbands or wives to be perfect. Far from it. But it seems that I am expected to be perfect, while any level of functioning that doesn't include physical abuse is acceptable for my husband.
Accepting things
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
Rosered,
What this forum has done for me , in an essence, is alleviate my own "being in" a state of anger/frustration/sadness.
The situation is frustrating. It causes anger. And it is extremely sad. Same as how my spouse's behavior stirs up in me feelings of being diminished and unsupported. His response is diminishing in what I thought we could have, but I am not diminished by it. If he diminishes me, he will then not have to sit and look at any weakness he might have. I know my strengths in the business sense of things, and it is a real shame he cannot access it or reap any benefit from it. I am unsupported by him in the way I need to be supported. Like, I need him to help with the household chores so I can get my college homework done, or focus on studying for exams. He does not or cannot. or willnot help in that. And I no longer have the time/want/energy to argue about it. Our financial situation is a disaster. The idea of that causes pain for him, so he diverts his attention to something else. His talent, wisdom and creativity make him great in his field of construction. Someone calls with a problem, and HE CAN solve it. All the business aspects - like time management, answering calls, billing, budgeting, preparing a proposals - those business aspects are not his greatest strengths, yet he cannot let anyone help him. It is a weird dynamic to watch in operation.
I think it is a very long stretch I have made to move to understanding those emotions, and not being stuck in them. Yes, my response to his behavior is sometimes anger - but i do not live in that anger. My emotional response just is, I can identify it, sit in it, and then move on. Yes, it is frustrating that he forgets things we planned - but I am not in a state of frustration. It is really sad, that our marriage is floundering, but I am not sad. LOL. As I said, it is what it is.
For what ever reason, he cannot comply. It is not mean spirited, it is not to be nasty, he just CANNOT. The reason why, well, that is for him to figure out.
Liz
Boundary....
Submitted by c ur self on
I pay extra to do them separate....No stress! My wife told me there was something she had to do before we got married, (she wouldn't tell me) and later I found out it was file her last three years taxes...So once we married the strain of trying to get her to the accountant before it was so late and to embarrassing to take them, along with our fighting about just the thing you've stated and the fact she puts stuff everywhere, even though I have a vanilla envelope on the desk for us to put deductible records in through out the year....So, I have put that boundary in place, just recalling it tired me out.