Ok I am new here, but certainly wish I had found . Good grief, I had no idea how much ADHD was effecting and controlling our relationship and to find out I wasn't going crazy. That whole filling in the blanks stuff...holy cow, welcome to my world. We have been married for five years, together for ten. I have two children and he has none. Misunderstood pretty much covers every fight we've had...we each misinterpret what the other is saying and then there's no going back. And of course I am very easy going, don't hold much of a grudge, am not big on strick rigid rules....and he is not. So now I am the one begging him to give it another try now that I have been enlightened. What are the chances or him coming around and putting his hurt behind him and moving in a new direction? He says when his love and respect is gone, its gone and he's not sure if it can be regained. HELP!
My ADHD husband says he can't be in this relationship anymore!
Submitted by sunshine1009 on 02/11/2015.
Welcome
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
It sounds like your H has more than ADHD. He may also have a personality disorder.
It sounds like he is splitting you black and white.....that whole thing of, "love and respect are gone".......
My H has a PD and he's ADHD. He frequently "splits me black" which means I become Atilla the Hun to him, and during those times he truly believes that he will never think differently. In my case, it usually doesn't last long,, but there were at least 4 times when it lasted over a month. A couple of times it lasted for several months and he filed for divorce (twice).
But, when he;s not mad, then I'm like Queen of the World to him. And, he's say such stupid things like, "oh I said those horrible things to you because I was sure it was over between us." lol...what is wrong you? You say that 10 times a year for decades nd decades. Doesn't it ever occur to you that you feel/say these things and it doesn't last? Don't you learn from such repetitive behaviors.
I have a sibling who is a therapist and one thing that has help me a LOT is remember this advice, "He needs YOU more than you need him. Always remember that." Once I heard that, I realized how true that is. H can make all kinds of threats, he can even move out for awhile, but then reality smacks him in the face and he comes crawling back.
All I can say is "be nice" and "be pleasant"....don't sink to his nasty level.
What is going on now? Has he moved out? Is he ignoring you?
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Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
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So now I am the one begging him to give it another try now that I have been enlightened
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Stop begging. It's just empowering him.
Now that you've been "enlightened".....what do you plan to do differently?
You say that "misunderstood" pretty much covers all fights. I understand. I have been there many, many times. I can't tell you how many times we've had huge fights because H has wrongly assumed something, and he won't let me clarify.....or he won't back-pedal once he suspects tht he might be wrong.