My girlfriend and I have been dating for three months now and she told me from the beginning that she suffers from ADHD. She does not currently take any medications or seek any counseling/therapy. The biggest issue is she blames all of her shortcomings on ADHD, which I don't disagree with but it seems to be hurting our once amazing relationship. I am hoping that by stating our issues on here someone may be able to chime in with similar stories or advice that may help.
1. She tells me she wants to see me on X day. X day passes by before she finally says let's meet, but within an hour is ready for bed before we can even spend some US time. It almost feels like she just doesn't care to spend time with me or just forgets about me.
2. We are already having arguments, however it's always directed at me even when I try to chime in I am told I am wrong and that basically leaves me with the assumption that my opinion doesn't matter.
3. She says she is listening to my wants (mainly wanting to spend more time with her so that we can grow as a couple) and trying to make the effort, yet referring to #1 and the efforts put for it seems like there is lack of.
4. The sex life...well what sex life? We've had sex 3 times in 3 months. At first it didn't bother me, I really care for her and wanted to do everything to make her happy, but it seems she doesn't even seem interested in me sexually. I know she had a pretty sexual life previous to me, I just don't know what to do and I've tried talking to her about it.
There's many more and more details, but I am kind of new to this whole reaching out and trying to find advice. I really want her and I to work, she is a great woman and I care for her very much.
Self absorbation!
Submitted by c ur self on
There are many traits of add/adhd that are overwhelming to the one who has it....They may be caring loving people, but the way they live life can be very intrusive on others who try to coexist with them...If you have expectation that you are placing on her that you call normal, things like keeping commitments, going places on time. etc. etc..You are probably setting yourself up for disappointment....Many adder's learn coping mechanisms which makes life livable for them...Some times these very coping mechanisms cause the spouse's or BF in your case to seem a non-issue at times...It's usually not intentional...But you say she blames all her difficulties in life on adhd...That maybe to some degree is correct...But, think about it? It's denial, if she doesn't face up and work at recognizing and bringing some order to her life...What I'm saying here is her statement of blame for adhd, ends the conversation as for as she is concerned...Can you deal with that? Not many can.
I suggest you look at the reality ( try to disengage your emotions in this, they will blind you) of what your expectations are, and how your GF copes with life...You may want to pray about it also...
There are many people in this world who's life style is workable alone...They are content, they find a way...But, it will always overwhelm a mate...Some people just aren't marriage material...Just because someone makes what you think is a fun loving friend, that you enjoy spending time with...There blindness or inability to cope with the responsibilities of what being one and manage a home, mate and all that entails, it's better that they stay single...
I suggest you read some these posts.....
Thank you so much for the
Submitted by buck on
Thank you so much for the response. It really means a lot to receive some support/advice on this subject.
Just today we ran into an issue, she has some family things happening right now and some issues with work just came up. She is super stressed and freaking out. I offered to come over to cook, clean and listen to what is going on, but she would rather shut me out and deal with them on her own. I don't know if that is an ADHD trait or if it's just her wanting to deal with the issue on her own. I am trying everything I can to offer support in her every day life, but often times she doesn't tell me what's going on until well after they've passed and she says she already told me or forgot to tell me. It's frustrating on my end, but i am trying to be patient.
You are welcome...Just remember; You get what you see w/people
Submitted by c ur self on
(She is super stressed and freaking out. I offered to come over to cook,)
You may find that most days, life is just a series of emergencies and chaos in her mind and that will be the way she see's and deals with life...Your response I posted here is typical of my thinking also, run intervene...help, love...But, basically all you're really doing is enabling her to make everything about her....Be wise enough to live your life, and let her deal with the responsibilities her own will require... Learn not to react to her panic, and freaking out as you call it...Because in fast minds it can come and go like the wind...About the time you wear yourself out trying to mother her....She may look at you with an unthankful stair and tell you...Hey, your smothering me...And that will be her reality! And you? Well you will start hanging your head and asking yourself...How did I allow myself to get in this place?