I am hoping to get some feedback from people who have experienced anything like the following:
I found out last week that my husband is cruising the Casual Encounters (casual sex) section of Craigslist on a pretty regular basis. I don't want to judge people who enjoy doing this sort of thing, but it is against my values, particularly as a married woman who has been faithful and committed to my partner for 15 years. I find the whole thing deeply disturbing, and I'm scared (and pretty devastated). I confronted him about the Craigslist stuff, and he claims that he only looks at the sex ads "for kicks" and has never followed through with an actual human being. I am having a very hard time believing that, although I really want to.
My husband has ADHD, I don't. He takes meds for ADHD, but his behavior hasn't changed much and he doesn't think his ADHD is an issue in our marriage (it is).
He tends to do very impulsive things and act very quickly, without much regard to the consequences. He also has an insatiable sex drive that I feel is beyond normal. I believe he has a sex addiction, if such a thing exists, and that it is in some way connected to his ADHD.
He has also been reaching out to ex-girlfriends over the past few months via text and email. Whenever confronted about any of this, he denies it. When I find evidence that he can no longer deny, he gets angry and blames me for whatever he has done (I'm too controlling, I'm not trusting enough, I'm a nag, I'm too this, I'm too that...you get the idea. It's never his fault).
I am fed up with his BS. Any advice from someone who has been there, from any perspective? Is there any hope?
pronto
Submitted by lynninny on
There are lots of mentions on these boards of hypersexuality and impulsive affairs and infidelity and defensive dishonesty. I am so sorry you are going through this.
I have started to believe in life that if our gut tells us something, it is probably true. It sounds like a huge coincidence that he has started reaching out to exes and visiting these sites all at once. If it were me, I would immediately insist he see a marriage counselor with me. Today. And protect yourself. And stay strong--if you believe it, call him on it in a non-threatening way. See a counselor yourself if you need to.
My best to you. Let us know how it goes.