Since his adhd diagnosis a couple of months ago my husband has told me he doesn't know if he wants to be in a relationship. We have been together 6 years, and were married a year ago. 18 months ago we had a stillbirth and last year was very hard on my mental health and our relationship took a battering. Mid last year he also bought a business in an industry he hasn't worked in before which became his 24/7 focus and i felt disconnected from him at a time I needed more support. He struggled to move between work stress and spending quality time together. I started to struggle with what I now realise were adhd tendencies like patchy contribution to housework, being snappy and irritable, prioritising his phone over our face to face interactions, feeling criticised by even small requests. I took this personally and was reactive and became withdrawn at times. I now feel I can approach this with compassion rather than annoyance. We were seeing a couples counselor prior to the diagnosis, but he doesn't want to do this any more as he feels our issues won't be helped by that. He has started seeing a psychologist on his own. Further complicating things- I unexpectedly got pregnant and am in my second trimester. We were taking a break from trying after two losses. He was previously very excited about having a child together. Now my husband told me I am only being nice to him since I peed on a stick (which also correlated with a diagnosis and him explaining how unhappy he was). He told me the baby is unwanted for him and has made comments about how as a man his rights are unclear in this case (this is not something he has expressed in the past and is insulting after what we've been through trying to have a baby). He feels he is trapped and it is my choice to keep the baby.
Right now he thinks life will be better alone and not surrounded by people, because he feels people close to him are constantly disappointed in him. He said he wants to do what he wants, when he wants. He has this notion that all of his past relationships start with women who find him exciting and then the novelty wears off because he won't settle down. I don't feel like this. We have transitioned towards settling down together after both living very transiently by choice. There was no pressure from me. He has expressed that he doesn't want to get treatment he just wants to live his life to suit him. He doesn't see the point in a relationship. And doesn't want support for his adhd because he can just do things his own way and be happy.  I'm ok about the single parent idea. I'll be heartbroken and it is not my preference but I have good support. It will mean moving  2000km away to be around family and friends. We have no family where we are. He has suggested he's only considering staying together because of the baby and because of the family relationships and friendships he would probably ruin if he left me and a child.
I am at a loss. I want to support him to find solutions so we can get back to what was previously a very loving and happy relationship. But I don't know if or when he will come around to accepting that? I know anger can occur with an adult adhd diagnosis. But does anyone have experience with this and whether it takes time? I feel like the diagnosis has brought out narcissist traits. But I also feel guilty thinking that because of what he is going through and how unhappy he was for 12 months while I was not a great partner.