Forum topic: To Stay or To Leave, this is my question.

Tue Jul 26th, 2011 - 10:14pm by fedupwife

Forum: 
Anger, Frustration & ADHD

To Stay or To Leave, this is my question.  I have separated from my husband of 9 years for a month. I have been suspecting he has ADHD.  Two therapists he saw commented about it, but no formal diagnosis was done.  I was badly hurt (emotionally) by his sudden erupted anger.  He kicked me out of the car several times on the freeway. He kicked me out of the house many times.  He made me feel that I don't belong to anyone or anywhere.  I don't have a "Home".  The house we lived in was not my home because I could be asked to leave any time.  There were so many fights and verbal abuses.  We both hurt, and we are angry.  My anger and resentment have been built up to the point I know I need to do something.  I don't think I can move on with my life and come up with a rational answer to my question without "letting go", "putting behind", "forgiving and forgetting" these negative emotions.

Recently I was suggested to try EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy to distress these disturbing memories.  Has anyone heard of it or tried it?  Please share your experience.

 

Comments

Submitted by Pjloops on Tue Jul 26th, 2011 - 11:07pm

Yes, i have heard about Emdr - i did it for a couple years, and parts therapy. It helps with PTS. Emdr does not help you forget any trauma, it helps to lessen the reaction of your body to the remembered trauma. It helps you to let go, so to speak, but you have to cry it out and make it so the mention of the trauma doesnt make you physically react anymore. It releases all the stress and tension and restricted breathing when faced with the memory of the trauma. I'm a little leary about your relationship with your husband. Lots of physical and verbal abuse. I keep hearing my thoughts in my head as i am dealing with adhd hubby too. After they are diagnosed, they take years to get meds right, then, if you are lucky, they commit to do the work on themself (not my guy). If they choose to do that, you have years of trial and error. You will still be the target, you will still have to be the on to forgive and let go, and you will have to be aware as well as he will have to be aware of your actions and reactions every minute of the day. A non-adder has trouble with that. Multiply that by about 10 years and you have your future with your hubby. Is he worth it? Are you strong enough? Is he rational, at all? If my husband did what he did to you, with or without kids, id be gone. Im sorry, you dont throw people you care about out of cars or homes. Never an excuse for that- not one clinical or chemical imbalance will ever justify that type of behavior for me. If you are out, then the hard part is over. Staying out will be tough if he wants you back, but you will at least know you are safe in a car and safe in your new home wherever that may be. I cant see you kicking yourself out. Be well. I wish you the best.