Submitted by st on 10/18/2012.
My husband (who has ADD) and I have a child with ADD. My husband and I live in different states. Whenever I email my husband once in awhile regarding our son's depression or problems with his ADD (which I am dealing with all by myself), a typical response from him is "that's too bad" or "poor thing". That is all my husband will write back to me. It happens all the time, so it's not a case of him being busy at work and not having time to respond more thoroughly. It is so frustrating!! Makes me feel like why do I even bother telling him. Please help me understand this typical minimal response? Thank you. I appreciate all thoughts on this behavior.
Minimal Response
Submitted by ADHWE on
Hi one of the problems ADHD people have with non-ADHD people is that they assume that the way they think is right. An ADHD person would quickly pick up that you did not provide enough information because you did not say why you are living apart. An ADHD person also knows that there is a purpose behind every bit of communication and is often able to detect the purpose communication when the communicator is not yet aware of their motives. If he communicates with you in that manner, he is obviously angry with you. If you don't know he is angry, it seems like you have a problem understanding the obvious. This will drive an ADHD person crazy because he knows that you know why he is angry, but are acting like you don't, to get sympathy or for some other reason that makes absolutely no sense to him. Hope this doesn't sound to harsh, but people try to blame problems on ADHD people because they refuse to deal with their own issues. Read the Allegory of the Cave.
It is really hard to make
Submitted by drworm73 on
It is really hard to make suggestions when we know so little. In your emails are you explicitly asking him for his help and insight? It could be that you are writing in a way that is not direct enough for him to understand your intent. You may think that it is obvious that your son's absent (for whatever reason) father should be weighing in when you describe the troubles that you and your son are having, but your husband may just be honoring your space and ability to handle it on your own. Sometimes men with ADD need to be slapped in the face with very clear language regarding your expectations, I know I am not always good at interpreting my wife's needs without specifically asking her what she wants from me. It can be frustrating for her at times, but giving up the fantasy of partners always intuiting what the needs has resulted in less disappointment in the long run.
Though, this may be way off because I do not have all the information.