Forum topic: Tired of husbands emtional affairs and flirting

Fri Apr 20th, 2012 - 11:25am by Black_Butterfly

Forum: 
Anger, Frustration & ADHD
Moved this post to the thread I've had since I started. Check here. http://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/thinking-separating-my-husbandim-don...

Comments

Submitted by lovehurtsalotwi... on Fri Apr 20th, 2012 - 6:01pm

Something is clearly distracting him,either way he's doing it to you over and over again b/c there are no concrete boundaries with him,I think you need to set your boundaries straight,"or give him the ultimatum"
,he would always do these things to you unless you put your foot down, there is no doubt about that,My DH and I have been setting up some boundaries with each other and so far so good but,he has been letting me down,a few days ago he went and hang out after work with his male friends, and had a few to drink,I told him that's fine maybe once a month if he wants to hang out I don't mind"TODAY" it's way pass his time to pick me up after he finishes work, and he hasn't arrive as yet,he is drinking right now at some club and the music is to loud I would presume, that's maybe why he has not answered my so may phone calls as yet,I last spoke to him an hour and a half ago but no connection after that,that's weird b/c he said he was on his way about an hour ago,the thing is, I told him it was alright and now he has taken me for granted on my boundaries to let him hang out and now he has over done it!!!,,, especially at a time I am looking forward to spending my evening with him ,and that is very hard for me to comprehend right now, but I'll get over this one I'm sure just like I've gotten over all the rest of mishaps in the past.

Well ,,what I could suggest is set your priorities straight and mean it,and let him no this is not going to fly with you no matter the consequence.I wish you the best of luck.

lovehurts.

lovehurts

Submitted by Black_Butterfly on Fri Apr 20th, 2012 - 6:28pm

I've tried so many times. Think its time for me to start counseling. I can't stand the site of him lately. Things were going so well. Sometimes I feel its time to just completely detach. I'm so sorry your husband has left you sitting at work. That's frustrating. Like you said, it will make the evening hard. He'll have some excuse, not apologize, and not understand why you're so upset. It's a vicious cycle.

Submitted by McCleskey on Tue Apr 24th, 2012 - 3:03pm

Emotionally detach NOW and save yourself a lot of heartache.  It doesn't change.  The only person you can change is you and doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome in THE DEFINITION of insanity.  Take care of yourself and your children and just be pleasantly surprised when he does something right.  It sucks, but it seems to be the only way.  If he has an affair, use THAT as your reason to leave...not the ADHD.  If he does it once, he will do it again.  

Submitted by lovehurtsalotwi... on Sun Apr 22nd, 2012 - 10:28pm

I know how that could be,My DH would never at all understand a single boundary,until I started reading the ADHD books for him, then, he understood the pain he was causing our marriage,And the hurting he was putting on me.So we started setting up some things in place so that we don't piss off each other in the best possible way we know,I think it has been working just a little bit,, but still he is the ADHD husband that is un medicated sooo that would not last,, only a few days then he falls out of line again,then I have to continue reminding him to keep on track.But he has to go and get treated very soon and he is/was making stupid excuses lately, but I am only giving in just this once till he finishes his big project going on, which should be done in about a month from now,but it seem like a hundred years for me, I just am so over modified right now to have him under meds and therapy.Try talking to him and tell him how bad this is affecting you,I am so sorry these things are happening to you,you are not alone though.

lovehurts.

lovehurts

Submitted by Black_Butterfly on Mon Apr 23rd, 2012 - 1:36pm

He doesn't get it. I found another text with the same co-worker calling him honey buns a couple days ago. It can never be him doing anything wrong. It's always me. I told him if he didn't like it, he should tell her to stop. He says that would be awkward. He also says she calls everyone those names cause that's how she is. I told him that he's not everyone, he's my husband, and I don't like that woman or her pet names for him. He has never been able to see how anything he says or does hurts me. He just doesn't give a shit. We don't protect our marriage in the same way, or care for it in the same way. He swears up and down he wouldn't care if the situation were reversed. I'm done talking to him. I'm done trying, caring, or expecting anything of I'd from him. He's not capable. He'll never change, and I wish I had never married him.

Submitted by Limbo123 on Thu Apr 27th, 2017 - 3:58am

My sweet lady. How sad you must feel. I understand, I really do! 

I feel I've talked it all to death. How my husband subtly connects with women everywhere, work, the supermarket, on the telephone. He opened doors for other women, then walks through, leaving me standing etc etc etc.

i accompanied him to work and saw these inappropriate connections. Women calling him darling, love, sweetheart, bumpkins etc etc.

He doesn't understand he invites the attention. Women are wired to respond to flattery and respond they do.

So as a married women, when a man flirts with me I bloody ignore them, for fear that some poor woman somewhere is crying into her pillow over an non attentive ADHD husband.

We love them, but want to stop the pain.

my heart goes out to us.

Hugs sweetie xxxxxx 

 

Submitted by lovehurtsalotwi... on Tue Apr 24th, 2012 - 12:19am

Flirting can lead to infidelity,if he is having emotional affairs then all the worst,being emotional in tact with someone especially of the opposite sex would lead to feelings exchanged of the bad in one's marriage as a result in after work long breaks,coffee and then???? you know trouble,I have read about this,saw it happen in real life and it even happened to me in the past with my daughters' father and he was not ADHD, but had something else,clearly,but that is not good,that is headed in to a direction that is not good,try and have him"stop" all this before it gets worse or out of control,do whatever you can to make him understand you would not accept this type of behavior.

lovehurts

 

lovehurts