Submitted by PoisonIvy on 09/07/2014.
Hi. My husband is once again struggling mightily with depression and other things. Much of it is situational but it also seems clear to me that my husband feels better and functions better when he's on medications or in therapy and right now he's not doing either, because he chose to stop them. I'm interested in learning other people's thoughts about whether my spouse would be more likely to stay on meds and in therapy if I stated my observation to him ("dear, you do actually get worse when you're not in treatment") and then suggested that he not make the decision to stop treatment without consulting someone (his therapist, his shrink, me, his GP). Thank you.
Suggestions
Submitted by Standing on
My husband does not respond to suggestions. I used to think that he did, but then I realized that he was only appearing to respond positively in those cases when he was actually leading me to make the suggestion, because he had already decided that he was pro- whatever-it-was.. In other words, he manipulates circumstances and people.
Actually, I think that the best way to get him to do something is to suggest that he do the opposite. Or, in extreme cases, to issue an ultimatum. Just my view.
My husband doesn't respond to
Submitted by dweeb on
My husband doesn't respond to suggestions either! He'd rather do it "wrong" his way than doing it someone else's way.
I'm learning to do to suggest the opposite as Standing has pointed out.
Ultimatums don't work anymore.....
Maybe part one, not sure about part two
Submitted by sunlight on
Rosered: "whether my spouse would be more likely to stay on meds and in therapy if I stated my observation to him ("dear, you do actually get worse when you're not in treatment")"
I would do this part (part one). Very clearly, with simple words and no wiggle room.
Rosered: "and then suggested that he not make the decision to stop treatment without consulting someone (his therapist, his shrink, me, his GP)"
I think I would repeat part one a few times as necessary before considering actually doing this part. Both parts together right off the bat might be too much if he's depressed, it might make him feel even worse about himself ("just one more thing I'm always getting told to do, I can never please people, I can't cope with it all, etc etc").
Thanks, Sunlight. I think
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Thanks, Sunlight. I think you're right. I've realized that describing rather than advising is probably best.