I just read this weeks “weekly tips”. I will say that I feel that both ADHD and ADHD partners of the victims of a terrible network of physicians, physiologist and psychiatrist that take health insurance. I work for a very large company that provides top notch physical and mental health coverage for my husband and I. I recently have renewed hope that an ADHD savvy doctor(s) could help save my marriage. I contacted many just to find out that they don’t take my heath insurance. None of them!! Not one!! The avg 1st time visit is around $400 and then a high hourly rate thereafter. Mind you at this point you don’t even know if you are a good fit. No wonder mental illness is such an issue in America. I see this journey now costing thousands of dollars. Maybe to save my marriage. Maybe not. Then my husband and I will move onto being broke from the counseling/doctor fees. We don’t need one more stress added to the pile of straws on the camels back. I am losing hope
Victim of mental health experts
Submitted by hcc on 03/06/2019.
Same here
Submitted by adhd32 on
H has great medical insurance too plus we live just outside of a big East Coast city with thousands upon thousands of mental health providers yet finding help is impossible. I feel the "experts" are out of touch with reality. Go to therapy, join a group. Ok, with what money? Your profession doesn't participate in insurance and out of network reimbursement is abysmal. If you can actually find someone who takes your insurance, it takes forever to get an appointment and when you meet them you realize that they should have stopped practicing 20 years ago. Good mental help is only available to people who can afford to pay the outrageous fees out of pocket. It is pretty hypoctical that the entire profession, which is supposed to support people in crisis, makes getting help damn near impossible unless you can pay up front! Even surgeons, once considered the gods of medicine, take insurance.
Not to get this too far off
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Not to get this too far off course, but I think the insurance companies are more to blame here.
Who's driving the bus?
Submitted by c ur self on
(I recently have renewed hope that an ADHD savvy doctor(s) could help save my marriage.)
I would save my money, based on your post....Your hope (or my hope) isn't the hope that can be productive in our situations....If my wife wrote your post (or your husband), then it might be money well spent....When the person with add/adhd gets desperate for help...Usually some good things can happen....But, our desperation for them to be helped...Not so much.....My wife's regular M.D. writes her adderall prescriptions...
c
Nons can't drive the bus
Submitted by Heart's Desire on
Nail on the head - C - it's that desperation for them to be helped that gets couples in trouble. I've been there. . . and I didn't even see it. Pushing for change and pushing him to see that we were trouble and going to see our therapist, doing courses, reading all the books (me). We're in Canada, so health care and work benefits have covered all of our psychiatrist and my counselor, and mine and his employer benefits have covered all of his drugs. So, at least there is no financial burden.
But, in the end these appointments don't get made unless I take the lead or push him to take the lead. It's so dysfunctional . . .
We are separating (talked about it on the weekend and it's official. He wants it too). He says I won't help him with his adhd (the way he wants me to, through reminders and things in plain sight, etc), and I say I can't help any more, not if he's not doing other things to manage it (coach, meds, diet). I can't be the parent. So we are at a standstill. Both miserable. and both have mutually agreed to call it quits. We've both tried really, really hard, each in our own ways. Now is the time to move past us and focus on a strong co-parenting relationship. It's actually been a pleasant household once we finally said "enough".
Sorry it's come to that, but, we all need a peaceful home life..
Submitted by c ur self on
Hearts Desire, I have loved reading your thoughtful and insightful posts over the past few years....
When an adult male or female feels & lives, like so many of our spouses do; concession seeking, excusing intrusive behaviors, excusing selfishness and abandonment...etc....It's really not much hope for the marriage union to ascend to any kind of peaceful and healthy state...Where love, respect and the daily work of the relationship takes priority in both lives....I wish you and your husband the very best....
c
Thanks, C, it's been a
Submitted by Heart's Desire on
Thanks, C, it's been a journey. But, wow, how one learns through adversity! I don't think I would change anything, really. It has helped me see a lot and be a stronger, more stable person. it really all comes down to feeling love on your own (through God, spirituality, angels. . .) and not seeking everything from a partner.
And there's my insight for this Friday. :)
Peace to you,
HD
Ur insight HH will work (heal us) all the days we are allotted:)
Submitted by c ur self on
Yes, acceptance of reality is a difficult pill to swallow...It forces us to our knees, (or into a angry and bitter state of demanding our rights, from someone who could never produce what we seek) it strips us of our selfishness....Which is Eternal Love in action...We are purified by the refiners fire....That is a huge statement that you made (I would not change a thing) (IMO) the only people who can truly make it, and mean it!...Are those who SEE beyond the fleshly realm....Who's hope is in the Lord...
Yes, spouses who live with a life mate that show little to no ability to be a life mate, (healthy attachment). Must learn to ask themselves one simple question, if their convictions are to stay married... (What is possible with this person, and still maintain as peaceful of a life as possible for us both?)....And refrain from ever asking another simple question...(What do I want in this marriage?)...See it's a lot like Jenna was talking about in her last post...On the fleshly realm the one's that are kind, that are workers, that give of themselves...They will always be taken advantage of by the one's who justify selfishness, always!
But it's not about this life!...The givers want be the one's crying and heart broken, rolling around on top of the other's grave site....Wishing they had just one more opportunity to show real love....
We can calmly pack our stuff or request that they pack their stuff....But we can't abide together with much mutual agreement, or unity of mind, of what is important in the relationship....And c ur self, must never forget that! If he wants peaceful days!
c
To clarify
Submitted by hcc on
I should clarify. My husband is willing and open to seeing doctors and counselors. At this current time with ADHD in full swing - off meds etc. He does not have the ability to research doctors online. Call them, leave messages, return calls etc and call health ins for answers. At this time he does not have the follow thru to make all these contacts and navigate the frustrations of healthcare.
hcc...
Submitted by c ur self on
You understand him...And you know yourself...I'm glad he is willing to work on himself...There is always hope when we aren't in denial of our lifestyles, and care to be better people...
Blessings
c
That is great, hcc. I hope he
Submitted by Heart's Desire on
That is great, hcc. I hope he is able to get in to see a qualified professional soon. Navigating the system can be daunting, absolutely.
caffeine
Submitted by repeat that please on
How does his brain respond to caffeine?
hcc
Submitted by Brindle on
Oh, that’s very hard to come up against. I’m very sorry that the search keeps ending in “no.” Do you have any other ideas to try? Would your insurance cover an adhd coach?
I’m so sorry for all the heartache. I hope help comes soon.